Warning this is extremely long and dense.
One of the major problems I notice in students weekend after weekend, is the inability to qualify in a manner that is convincing to women.
So in order to hopefully rectify this I have written this post.
First a definition of qualification for those who are unaware of such things and the reasons that we need to qualify.
In the attraction phase, we the PUA Demonstrate value and attributes of an attractive man and the woman rewards us with indicators of interest. Qualification is its mirror opposite, where we will entice her to demonstrate value so that we can reward her with indicators of interest.
The reason behind this is as follows. Women become attracted to men ALL the time. Re-read that sentence 100 times. A woman doesn’t have the time necessary to get to know every guy she is attracted to. So when you have good attraction game, you will be able to get a woman’s REAL phone number in a short amount of time. However when you call her the next day, this is the difference in thinking between men and women.
PUA: She gave me her number it’s on.
Woman: Yeah he was attractive but why would I see him again? Why is he calling me he doesn’t even know anything about me, he must just want sex. I don’t feel like having sex. I’m not going to call him back.
Or Buyer’s Remorse as it has been called many times.
However if you can convince a woman that you like her for reasons other than her looks and sexuality, she will be motivated to see you again. Ideally you will develop actual standards and find things that you actually like in the particular girl.
So the old way that we did this was through the use of the Bait-Hook-Reel-Release model.
Now a quick word. If you have a proper conversational ratio, meaning that she is speaking about 40% of the time by now, she should be giving you things about herself that you can qualify her for. You can also qualify arbitrarily by telling the entire group that they are cool or fun.
When she has not given you reasons to qualify her and you can tell she is attracted, you will want to bait her to tell you cool things about herself. You can do this through the use of questions or statements.
In the beginning you want to make the hoops small and innocuous. When I took my initial program many years ago, Mystery just taught us to ask “ what you have going for you more than your looks.” That is what I call a large hoop. And even if a woman is attracted she may refuse to answer that question as out of the blue it is too big of a compliance request. I noticed that as I was in field girl would answer it most of the time, but sometimes it would not go over. At the time I was reading a lot of sales lit and I learned about the concept of a yes-ladder. Basic idea is that the more someone says yes the more likely they are to say yes in the future. I applied this to qualification by starting with smaller qualification hoops leading to medium sized hoops and ending with the large hoop “ What do you have going for you besides your looks.”
Small hoops are any question that presents a stereotype that a woman wants to be seen as. She should be able to answer yes to this question with little or no thinking. Some examples are “ Are you adventurous, Are you smart, are you a good friend?”
Medium hoops require a little more thinking and are actually where you will find out if your qualification is taking or not. Some examples are “what nationality are you? What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s here that a woman can if uninterested stop the qualification by not answering or giving a slow answer such a s” I’m a mutt.”
Side note, a woman will not answer a qualification question for one of two reasons. One she is not attracted. These answers will be short and succinct. Like “I don’t know”. The other reason is that she sees you as an authority and doesn’t want to say something to make herself seem less cool. If she is making an effort to answer the question, you need to reward her.
Large hoops are blatantly qualifying questions where she will realize she is qualifying herself but do it anyway because she has already invested earlier.
So the old model required us to bait with a question and would sometimes sound like a job interview as you pummeled the girl with questions. So the first mistake to correct is only asking questions. Any question can be turned into a statement fairly easily. For example let’s say I want to find out what nationality a girl is. I could ask, “What nationality are you?” Or I can say, “ You look very German.” And wait for her to either agree or disagree. You get the exact same information, at which point you need to give her an indicator of interest or compliment if you want to be normal.
Qualification will be the first point in the interaction where you can start to hit on the girl. So as soon as she answers the question, we reward her with a compliment. For example “ OMG you’re German! I love German girls, my ex-fiancé was German and we went over there and traced her whole family tree. It’s such a cool culture.
The compliment should be non-generic and non-physical. The more in-depth and specific you can be, the more qualified she will feel.
In the old model, the next step was to release by throwing a small IOD like “ can’t even talk to you anymore.” Then return to normal conversation. This is where guys get into trouble most of the time and the main reason why I felt the need to write this post. You DON”T need to release every time. In fact if you follow this cycle dogmatically the girl will even notice it. You may even have girls respond to I can’t talk to you by saying ok.
The key to releasing is to do it ONLY when a woman feels uncomfortable with you hitting on her. If she is accepting your compliments and likes them then there is NO reason to release it and it will seem fake. So the release in my model has been changed to a tease and it still remains at the end of the cycle but this time there is a piece before the release. And that piece is asking a rapport question.
One of the main reasons that guys have problems being able to qualify girls is that they go in with the intention of trying to qualify a girl. Instead of actually trying to find out what is cool about the girl. So when you BHRR without exploring the topic of conversation, it comes across as fake. If you were really that interested in her nationality you would probably ask a question like “ Have you ever been to Germany” etc…
The more actual interest you can show here the better.
Now onto to releases. The best way to release is to throw in a non-sequitor tease. Something along the lines of “ Too bad your such a dork!” The point of a release is to pop the bubble of tension that has been created by hitting on her. This makes her more comfortable as you have released the tension created by hitting on her. But remember you don’t have to do it every time. Only when she appears uncomfortable with you hitting on her. Generally with a bigger IOI. Another way of releasing tension on smaller hoops (Which get smaller IOIs BTW) is to structure a challenge to her quality.
PUA: Are you adventurous?
Girl: Yeah Totally
PUA: Awesome I love adventurous people. There’s just so much more fun. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done? Don’t say running with scissors.
Girl: One time I went skydiving
The last thing I want to talk about is the idea of continuous qualification. Meaning that comfort and qualification and later on relationship and qualification are going to cycle. You will need to keep giving her reasons that you like her FOREVER. So when you are stuck for things to say on a date or 10 year into your marriage tell the girl why you like her.