Monday, December 19, 2011

On Demonstrating Value Part 2: It's Not a video game!

So it seems like people didn't really get what I was trying to say with the post on demonstrating value from last week.

Shocking I know.

The point I was trying to make was that the idea of "Demonstrating value" is fundamentally wrong, because as I talked about last time, value is subjective. Also it's kinda hard to figure out what a girl values specifically without sounding like a therapist. So the idea of demonstrating value is off both as a term and as a part of the pick-up process. I'll sketch out what I believe (and my research supports) actually is happening later in this post.

This gets into today's post "game" doesn't work like a video game. There is no sequence of things that you can say or do that will get you laid in every situation. Unlike a video game there isn't ONLY 1 way to pass a level or achieve a goal. There are a huge variety of variables that are not present in a video game and rely on a real person with her own feelings, thoughts and agendas.

Such as:
The type of girl you're talking to
Her current mood
Her romantic status (Is she single, looking, taken,)
Her previous thoughts about guys who look like you
Her history with guys
Her age
and on and on...

Pickup is actually much more like the game roulette. The variables are almost infinite and luck plays a much bigger part than we are willing to acknowledge. This also leads us to the Gambler's Fallacy and how that effects the way pick-up advice is given.

The gamblers fallacy can be illustrated as follows. "Fabio" has a system for playing roulette. His "system"(bro) is to play red every time. He has lost 3 times in a row. When he loses he doubles his bet under the Gambler's fallacy that red should come up next time since it's been black 3 times in a row.

The reason this is false is because each roulette spin is independent of the last spin. On AVERAGE over a long enough time line or certain number of spins it will come up red or black about 50% of the time each. But that does NOT mean it's going to be red or black 50% of any given number set, like Fabio's 3 spins thus far. Each time the wheel is spun the chances of red or black coming up are around 50% no matter how many times a color has come up in a row.

Hopefully you're still following me, I know things like academic research are difficult to read when you're used to advice like "Be A MAN!" and "Make the ho say no!" but I digress.

Each approach is like a spin of a roulette wheel, just because the last 5 girls I talked to who looked like this girl were(or not) into me, does not GUARANTEE this girl is going to be into me, because EVERY girl is different. Like each individual roulette spin.

So some women are going to respond to a guy who's hard to get, while others will not bother. Other woman will want a guy to be really aggressive and interested in her. And so on and so forth.

So am I basically just telling you to give up and that there is no hope to systematically attract a woman?

Not exactly...

There is one thing that all people(men included) respond to, that's emotions.

All people make emotional decisions (Such as continuing a conversation, being alone with a guy they just met, giving out their number, going home with a guy) and then use logic (he's a writer, he's hot, it just happened, I felt a great connection, he's sexy, I was drunk) to explain them.

Emotional stimulation is what happens during the "attraction" phase. In fact if you can't get any of what I call "emotional fluidity" (the ability to influence her emotionally positive or negative) the conversation ends very quickly.

Hell even pissing a girl off is better than getting apathy (Which is often what you get with DHV stories don't lie)

Let's look at some of the given attraction tactics and see how they stimulate emotions:

Negs/Teasing- Causes frustration, want for validation,humor
Storytelling- Range of emotions usually positive and humorous
Role-playing- Range,
Cold Reads- Intrigue, curiosity,

There's more but I want to wrap this up before I get carpal tunnel syndrome.

Because there's an almost limitless range of emotions, the true skill of attraction comes from learning to get an EMOTIONAL response from the beginning. Sometimes this even means pissing a girl off when she's being all apathetic and shit.

Which is also coincidentally why I was once able to pick up a girl at the W in Dallas with the opening line " I hope a plane crashes into this patio and kills everyone." she was in a negative emotion and I realized it (subconsciously at the time) and adapted.

And also ya know what I've been teaching for the 3 years I've been on my own.

Boom, Lawyered.

JS- The king of content- You come at the king, you best not miss :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

"You Already Know What I'm About"- On Managing Expectations

Yo,

Ever since the whole Kristen situation spiraled (Horribly) out of control, I have been more anti-commitment than ever (It is possible believe it or not).

I also figured out how to get laid A TON with minimal (Sometimes never) telling the girl you like her. I'm still trying to piece together everything I'm doing that's reproduceable (The whole me being emotionally dead thing is hard to mirror) and here's what I got. This stuff is not very nice, and it shouldn't be used with girls you're OPEN to having a relationship with but if you want to avoid drama, commitment, neediness and emotions while banging lots of chicks, here's some advice(I'm totally going to hell).


1. Qualify more for compliance than for compliments. When you REALLY don't want the girl to get attached (Or at least to get over it quickly) qualification goes back to being a Mystery Method style phase as opposed to actually looking for what you want in a girl. The more you give specific reasons you like her the harder it's going to be to keep her from catching feelings.

2. Be Busy. I actually am insanely busy with a Sinns of Attraction, a side business, kickboxing, friends and fucking other girls so that part wasn't hard. If you're not busy then you need to frame yourself as SUPER busy upfront to start to negate the demands on your time the girl will expect.

3. Lead with your "Not looking for a relationship" foot. I now start every date with an explanation of how AWESOME my single life is, and how much I like being single and am not looking for a relationship. Some girls will ACT like they're not into this idea, don't give up. Oftentimes PK (Post Kristen) I've been on dates where girls verbally disagreed with that yet slept with me anyway.

4. Don't talk every day. Go several days without contact on a regular basis. Don't establish a text pattern where she expects to hear from you every day or at a certain time. Don't return texts or calls too eagerly.

5. Treat her really nicely. Be super gentlemanly, pay for (almost) everything, open doors, make sure she cums etc... By combining being a good guy with being upfront about what you're looking for there is less for her to complain about both to you and her friends. It doesn't make you a good guy but maybe you'll get preferential seating in hell near Stalin :)

6. Be a cold soldier. Every now and then girls will test you, by saying "I miss you" trying to hangout every day, getting you to meet their friends (You know stuff girls do when they like you).. This is where the word "No" is your best friend. You were upfront, there is NO obligation for you to do any of this stuff.

7. Don't rub her face in the fact you're dating other women. Don't lie but don't tell the truth either. She needs to know you're dating other people. She doesn't need to know how many, their names or anything like that.

8. Cut Needy Chicks early. I met a girl at CVS who was smoking hot. The issue was she was BLOWING my phone up 3-4 times a day before we even went out. I had to let that one go knowing that the lay would not be worth the headache that accompanied it. If you're trying to be happily single, cut needy chicks off as soon as the neediness starts. ESPECIALLY if you haven't slept with them yet. It won't get better.

9. Man up and tell them it's over. At some point certain girls get annoying, or you get over it. Rather than just disappear, send a break-up text like

Hey, I'm not really sure how to say this, but I don't think we should see each other anymore. I think you're a really cool girl, but I just don't see this going anywhere and I think we should both move on. Sorry. Jon

And there you go a beginner's guide to keeping it moving. Which is what I do best.

JS-The King Of Content

Monday, December 12, 2011

Re-visiting Pick-Up Dogma Part 2: On Demonstrating value

Hey There,

I want to pick back up with my Re-Visiting Pick-up dogma series. Last time we looked at being non-reactive and focused on the idea that having the RIGHT reaction is better than sitting there with no reaction.

Today I want to talk about that prickly Pick-up pear (try saying that 3 times fast) known as Demonstrating value.

The idea as taught back in the day by guys like Mystery went a little something like this:

You are a 5(no matter what you look like) and she is a 10(no matter what she thinks she is/the environment etc) so in order to get her interested, you need to simultaneously lower her value while raising your own.

This was done through the use of two tools: Negs and Demonstrations of value (DHV). Now I'm going to to be tackling Negs in their own separate post, so here we'll be focusing on the DHVs.

Back in the day the DHVs that were commonly taught were:

1. Pre-selection. The idea that demonstrating or verbalizing the idea that other women are attracted to you causes attraction. Verdict: True. Probably the best thing I got from Mystery (and it flies in the face of a lot of typical dating advice) is the idea that dropping a hot ex GF into conversation causes attraction and it does, though not as well as actual demonstration.
2. Leader of Men. The idea that being the leader of your group was inherently attractive. Also one of the lamest things you could possibly say to a woman " I'm a leader of men." Verdict: True in theory. It's a good piece of head nodding material as power is attractive. However it's hard to actually demonstrate this without seeming like you are OBVIOUSLY trying to impress the girl.
3. Protector of Loved Ones. Verdict: False. This is WAY more of a comfort thing. It's also one of those things that is difficult to use in field. It's not something you're going to just casually throw into the first few minutes without seemingly like you are qualifying yourself.

So there's no inherent problem with those other than them being kinda head nodding material, and being difficult to implement unless you naturally have good conversational skills and social intelligence which most students don't.

Now we need to move on to what the REAL problem with the whole DHV model really is; value is subjective. While there are things that are universally attractive to women, they also happen to be the things that most guys who find this stuff don't have going for them. These are things like money, looks, height, social status, etc... Outside of those things value is a subjective thing. What is valuable to a party girl at a club in LA is different from what is valuable to a professional girl out to dinner with her girlfriend at a trendy lounge in Seattle. Older women value certain things that younger women don't, and vice versa.

So the real challenge and skill of attraction is being able to figure out on the fly what this particular girl in front of you is going to value and then trying to demonstrate that. This also ties back into the whole idea that being non-reactive is bad because instead of being non-reactive we want to tailor our interaction to the girl we're talking to.

Which is why DHV routines are so hit or miss for students. Sometimes they work but other times they fall flat because you're using them at the wrong time with the wrong girl.

SO the key points to take from this article are:

There is no "value formula" that works every time. Instead value is subjective and is mostly based on the individual girl in front of you.

Therefore the MOST important part of attraction is being able to figure out WHAT the girl in front of you values and using that rather than a paint by numbers approach.

Hope that helps,

JS-The King Of Content

Friday, December 09, 2011

Maxxing Out Your Look

Hey there,

So continuing on my theme of Maxxing Out(Here's where I'd insert a trademark :P)

I want to write briefly about what I think the first, easiest and best thing to max out is; your look.

It's really not hard to take yourself from less than attractive to attractive. 3s become 5s, 5s become 7s etc...

I firmly believe that ANY guy can max out his look within 6 months - 1 year unless he's HORRIFICALLY obese and has to spend years losing hundreds of excess pounds.

Again keep in mind that MOST guys are not going to max out at a 10 without plastic surgery, height implants, and a time machine. We're not aiming for perfection we're aiming for the best we can be. If you're bald you're not turning into Fabio. Sorry.

So what do we need to max out look wise:

1. Body. As a guy if you have nice looking arms, no muffin/top and a semi defined chest you're basically a 7 as long as you're not hideously deformed in the face. So if you're obviously out of shape and it's important to you to meet women get your ass in the gym. Or on a bike or into a karate class or whatever EXERCISE you like you 3-5 times a week. If you're too skinny lift weights and eat weight gainer.

2. Skin tone. Acne is a MEDICAL problem. Go to a DR if you have gross acne, don't try to cure it with cream from the mall. Also if you're really pale, get a tan. Even if you have to fake and bake it will give you a chance to meet girls who also go tanning.

3. Hair. If you're bald/balding go Bruce Willis. Don't try to hang on, don't comb it, don't have spikes that start in the middle of your head. Also if you have hair and it's going grey dye that shit if you want younger chicks, or shut up. Then get a real haircut not a $10 job from some chick who barely speaks english, spend $50 for something that can make you 2 pts better looking by itself.

4. Get a look. Girls should be able to stereotype you in 1-2 words by the way you dress. Rocker, Hip Hop guy, Nerd, Hipster, Jock, Prep. Pick a style and then dress that way rather than doing what 90% of guys do and throwing together hit that doesn't match and looks terrible. If you have to get some personal shopping done for you at Nordstrom's (it's free).

5. Accessories. Having a couple of accessories or things girls can talk to you about is always good. I have a tattoo, and a collection of funny t-shirts. You may have a watch or ring or necklace or shoes that starts conversation but get something. 1 thing not 97 like back in the day peacocking.

With those 5 areas you can max your look out usually in only a few months.

Word.

JS

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Maximizing Yourself Out

Lately I've been really inerested in the idea of a guy maxxing himself out or maximizing his lifestyle, skillset, and inner psych.

Most people are not going to max out with a supermodel, a Ferrari and a life of lounging on the beach, but it's a much better goal to aim for than the ones usually pushed on guys by the SUISC.

So how does one max out?

First you have to take an honest (and you'd be SHOCKED by how many guys lie to me while asking for help) look at where you are.

You start with the physical, are you worse looking than you could be? Then you look at your living situation, your job, friends, social life etc...

The point is it's a long process but it's the only way to see real long term change and to actually reach your potential.

Plus most guys (myself included) are nowhere near where they could be with a little effort.

JS

Monday, December 05, 2011

About Captain Jack

Hey there,

I know I've been getting some ?s about CJ and you're all quite persistent so here goes:

CJ is cool, he's working really hard right now doing the marketing for a multimillion dollar company, that's going through a huge growth phase right now.

His website is down because of some mix up with the hosting company. So even though he still owns Betheseducer.com they won't restore his content. Sucks right?

Other than that he seems to be in good spirits and has been focusing on meditation and spirituality as well as cleaning up his health and stuff.

He didn't seem to be going out much the last time we talked which was probably a month or so ago.

So there ya go,

JS

Thursday, December 01, 2011

This Blog Is For Guys Who Are Bad With Women

I've been getting a rash of comments over the last few weeks giving super simplified advice as a juxtaposition to what I'm writing.

What these assclowns don't understand is that the advice "Just fuck her" is not particularly useful for the guys who read this blog.

Guys who read this blog generally are more hard cases (as I was and as EVERYONE who googles pickup advice etc is).

Sooo when you MR armchair pickup guru give advice that I'm sure works for you and your jabronie friends (as you must be so completely overwhelmed with pussy that you have time to comment on blogs designed to help you get laid more) it is annoying and frustrating for guys who are the actual target audience I'm writing to.

The guys I write this blog for need help and date ideas, and conversational topics and overviews of how to talk to women. Otherwise they wouldn't be coming here to read my 1100 and something post over the last 6 years. And those guys are the reason I still write this blog even when it seems as though I've exhausted every way to talk about pickup in writing...

If you want to brag about how awesome you are be a condescending prick, you can do it somewhere else as I will now be blocking those comments. All comments telling me I suck and should die of a horrible disease will still be allowed as those make me LOL.

Good talk,

JS