Monday, July 30, 2012

Attention And Commitment to The Conversation > Opening


 Lately I have realized more and more that guys focus on the WRONG things when it comes to starting conversations with women.

Namely they focus on what they are going to say rather than getting a woman's complete attention.

"Opening" as it was defined is about starting a conversation but it doesn't really do you any good to start a conversation with a woman who is only half paying attention to you.

This is especially true during the day time as often women are not sure you're talking to them unless you make it explicitly clear by asking for her full attention.

One of the reasons guys are soooo into direct game is because of the side effect to a direct approach that you engage a woman's full attention. There's nothing inherently special about direct but it does force you to fully commit to getting a woman's attention and as such some guys feel they do way better because of it.

Correlation not causation at it's finest.

So you know you need to get a woman's attention, but every guy reading this has had the experience of getting a woman's attention saying one or two things and then having the girl turn back to her friends, her cellphone or her shopping.

The reason for this is because attention is only one half of successfully getting a conversation started. The other half is getting the woman committed to the conversation. You have to get her to actually engage in the conversation quickly or you're just going to get good at opening.

Sometimes this happens easily and women are quick to joke or play back. Other times you have to actually ask the woman to commit a few minutes to talking either through an isolation attempt in a group or simply asking her if she has 5 mins to talk at the bookstore.

Your opener doesn't matter half as much as these two things and the sooner you stop focusin on what you're going to say and start focusing on how you're going to get her attention and commitment the better your game will become.

JS- The King Of Content

Friday, July 27, 2012

Dating For Minority Men Part 2:


 Hey guys,

 Here's the second part of Kurgen's article on dating for minority men.

 
If You Were Born In A Non-Western Culture

One of the most helpful things to have mastery of is the English language. Now, if you are from another country and English is your second language, you need to work on getting rid of that thick accent.

Now it depends here.

If you are French, Italian, or Spanish, you’re golden. But if you have an Asian accent or an Indian one, and it’s thick, you need to really work on that and become more fluent. Now, I am only saying this if you want white women.

Two Case Studies

I knew this PUA in the Bay Area and he has terrible game. He’s been in the community from the beginning. He was from India, but was educated here in America. He was really into the Mystery Method, and used it a lot, but his game had so much problems.

He came off as like a slimy salesman. Girls weren’t into him at all as he cycled through his routines. But, when his guard was down and we were talking, he told my then 23 year old girlfriend a cool story about his life in India growing up and stuff about the cast system there.

Geeze, if he would have told that story when he was in set, he would have gotten a ton of women because he would have grounded his identity as an Indian man living in SF.

That’s what you have to do to break stereo-types because to an American women, it humanizes you rather than an identity based on a stereotype.

By contrast, I know this Master PUA that was living in Seattle at the time, about 4 years ago, and he was by far one of the coolest human beings I have ever meet. He was a immigrant from India as well.

But what a difference in game. He was getting white women left and right. I saw him in field on three different visits and he had awesome game, but more importantly he talked about his culture and made it cool.

He didn’t make apologies about his culture and he made it part of his identity. Amazing.

The "Ethnic Creep"

OK. I am an anthropologist, so I know what I am talking about here. There are guys from certain cultures that come off as creepy. I know that this is not politically correct, but do you want to get laid by a hot white American girl?

A lot of guys come off creepy and it's not necessarily because they are. Although a lot of guys are actually. A lot of cultures in the world look at women in a bad way; that is that they are totally subordinate to men. This is bad, bad, bad.
Women do not want to be thralls here. They want playfulness, romance, fun, and adventure. Later: stability and a strong man to guide them and protect them and to be a good father for their off-springs.

If you come off as an arrogant asshole because that’s what your country tells you that women should be treated, you will have your right hand as your mating partner here in America . . .  or a woman that is so fucked up she will put up with your arrogant ass but be a total psycho.

Whatever, you can't look at women that way. You have to have an "American" world view about dating and relationship, because that’s what a hot 23 year old white woman will be expecting from ANY male she is even interested in.

I have met a lot of minority guys who have bought into the hype that seduction and pick up will give them a 9 or 10 if they just use "the method" and they still retain that misogynistic attitude.

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

If you don't, your body language, they way you talk and say things will have those cultural attitudes in the way you interact with women.

What Are Women Attracted To In A Minority Man

As I stated in that last section: it is your humanity that women will be attracted to, but it should be your best self. In general, have the ability to tell stories about yourself and to be honest about it and not to be ashamed of you ethnic background. That will separate you from the rest of the guys out there in general.

Now, I am assuming that you have the skills to have decent and not creepy conversations with a woman and have good things to say about things in general and of course about you and your life.

If you can in a cool way convey your "best self" to her and pepper in stories about your culture or cultural background and experience, you will be in good shape.

Now here is a key that I have been trying to tell guys in general about what women are attracted to in men versus what men are attracted to in women: they are different.

Men are attracted to looks first, personality second.

For women, it's the other way around: they are attracted to personality and looks second.

Now, I am not saying that women are not paying attention to looks: if you have a bad smell, dirty finger nails, bad hygiene over all, and are a fashion mess, yeah . . . she will get creeped out. But, hopefully you have those things under control.

If you have that taken care of and at the best optimal potential of what nature gave you then, yes, it's all about your personality.

I would say that if you have the basics down and you are not creepy, and your personality shines, you will have your best chances to get that "white" girl.

Now, I know this as a fact because I can get results, and that is what I have discovered.

The bottom line is that after you get attraction, you need to ground yourself. You can do  this easily with the stuff Sinn talks about in this blog and even better in his Seduction Road Map. Just make sure you add a couple of stories about your culture and experience.

Fashion for the Minority Guy

The way you present yourself to the world and especially to women is really important. A ton of stuff has been written about this by Sinn, Mystery et al. So, I am not going to get into that here, but there is some things I want to address.

You have to looked “whitewashed” in the way that you dress and just your fashion sense in general. What I mean here is that you have to look as American as much as possible or you will be dead in the water super fast.

If you are relatively new here, you can have a good chance if you really focus on the language and to try to dress as “American” as possible. I mean, it may seem superficial, but that’s how the game is played.

If you immigrated here, as long as you put an effort in these domains, you should do a lot better. 

Hope that helps,

JS

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Guest Article: Pick-up For Minority Men



My buddy Victor Kurgen, wrote this 2 part article I thought would be useful to a lot of you guys so here's part 1- 


Pick Up For Minority Men Who Like White Women

Over the many years being in the inner circle of pick up, I have noticed a ton of guys in both Sinn’s and before that, the Mystery’s bootcamps (circa, 2006) of minority guys getting into pick up because they want white women. I mean, that makes sense. I have always wanted to have white girlfriend as well.

Fair enough. That’s why I got into the community as well so I can relate.

But, time and again, I see these minority guys make the same mistake time and again, and it makes them fail and they go back to their boring lives and just give up. There are some prime reasons for this, and that is, they rely on their cultural reference points and do not open their minds to the American mindset.

Two Types Of Minority Men

Now, what you have to do here is to access where you are here. Are you a minority man that was born here in America or did you immigrate here from another country?

If you were born here, you have a greater advantage than someone who emigrated here from another country. The reason is because you understand the subtle social cues that are expected and read by American women. That includes general social mores, body language and the sometimes subtle language games that are played between man and woman.

These items should be looked at and accessed buy them minority man.


But, then again, I have hung out with guys who are immigrants who just rock with white women and they get the hot ones. But they do all the right things.

I have also met guys who are American born who are really good with women as well.

So, it is possible to reach new heights when it comes to the minority man. BTW, this also applied to white guys that want women but there might be something about themselves that they cannot help, like height, baldness, a speech impediment, or something like that.

White Women Mentality

It’s hard to believe in this day and age in the post Obama world that most women have preconceived notions about men from a specific culture that are stereotypes. It’s sad, but it’s there. I can’t even begin to tell you about the horrible stereotypes I have had to endure in my 48 years of life as an Asian American.

I’ve had to deal with these things growing up pre-community:

-I ain’t going to date that Jap.
-I don’t date chinks.
-I don’t like gooks.
-I can’t date you . . . because you know . . . .

These are just cruel and if you grow up in this environment, it does mess with your self-esteem and self perception.

Today, you will really not get these brutal comments but you may get some version of this depending on where you live.

What would probably be more common is something like this:

I don’t date _______ (fill in the blank.).
I only date white guys.

Get this: I had this hot woman tell me this:

I don’t date Asian guys because they have small dicks.

Can you believe that.  (Haha. I ended up sleeping with that woman.)

Just know that these are just stupid chick logic and she does not really mean it.

Indeed, the good news here is that you can overcome all of these bad stereotypes by knowing how to deal with them when they do come up and to make your culture part of your identity by having a stronger frame than the girls.

These are just stupid objections women have that are based on what that woman has heard or seen from movies or someone of authority that that women has in her life.

So, for you, you have to be okay with your culture and make it part of who you are and never make an apologies for it. Women are just testing you anyway. If you fall into their frame they will not be attracted to you.

Breaking Stereo-types

In a way, you really don’t have to”break stereotypes” if your cultural identity is successfully woven into your identity as a minority man and is part of your over all frame. You just have to have negs ready to go if you feel that a woman says something that targets your culture.

So that ends part 1 of this article, part 2 will be posted Friday, so be sure to check back!

JS

Monday, July 23, 2012

Not Accepting Rudeness


 This probably won't help your game in the moment, but I want to write about dealing with rude people in bars and clubs.

As you should know I am mostly a day game guy now. I never go out for the express purposes of hitting on girls and only end up in bars and clubs when my friends drag me there.

Which happened last Friday night.

Now because I don't go out as much anymore I had forgotten how incredibly rude people could be in these places.

There were many examples but the best one came when I was talking to a very cute girl from Chicago and her two friends joined us one guy, one fat girl. The fat girl basically tried to occupy me while the other dude danced with the girl and tried to bring her away from me.

A few years ago I would have tried to "game" the situation by keeping things moving.

Not anymore.

I get laid enough that I don't give a shit about blowing something to stop asshole behavior.

So instead I said and I loosely quote

"What are you guys doing?"

" I mean clearly I'm talking to this girl and she's into it so why are you trying to fuck it up? Clearly you're in the friend zone or she would have said that's my boyfriend or something else letting me know what's up. So just because you fucked up and can't get with this girl what gives you the right to be an asshole here?"

This was followed by some half assed apologizing and me walking away as my friends were leaving anyway. But I started to think about the right "community" way to handle this and it made me realize that a lot of the time the things we sacrifice in order to get women affect our self respect, dignity and overall ideas of what's right more than we probably need to. Overcomin rudeness to get laid isn't cool, calling people out for being dicks so that hopefully next time they'll think twice, that's awesome.

JS

Friday, July 20, 2012

Seduce Her Secrets: Guest Blog By Carlos Xuma



How To Seduce Her Secrets...

Women have a lot of secrets. Her life is like her purse - stuffed full of secrets, and getting bigger every year.

The problem is that when you meet a woman, you don't know what any of them are. And after you know her for a little while, she eventually lets a few slip. But don't you wish you could have found them out earlier?

Like the time she blew that guy out on the dance floor...

Or that time she was married for a weekend when she was in Vegas...

Or that football team gang-bang she had...?
(Hmmm... hopefully not)

It would save you a whole bunch of frustration if you could just find a way to get her to reveal some of these deep dark secrets at the get-go. Right at the very start.

Not to mention that if you get a woman to reveal dark secrets about herself, you make it easier to take her home and sleep with her.

Well, what I'm going to do today is teach you a technique that I found to get women to tell their deepest, darkest, most F'd-up secrets right away. Just remember, though: If you go down this path, you're going to learn more about the nasty side of women than you may want to know...

Don't say I didn't warn you!

The good side effect of this technique is that it will also show you how to seduce a woman, because once a woman has opened up and revealed herself to you, she's yours for the taking.

So now I'm going to show you how to seduce a woman into telling you her secrets...

Technique 1: Get her to tell you a childhood secret.

This is where it all begins. By getting her to invest a little with you by telling you this, she's going to start opening up more to you.

Start small. I usually ask her: "So I bet you were a real 'nice girl' when you were growing up. I bet you never got into trouble."

Then she's going to smile and laugh, and say something like, "Yeah, right!"

Then you challenge her again, and tell her: "Oh, really? What, like you made a prank phone call? I don't know... Tell me what you did that was so 'bad.'"

That will push her into revealing something about herself to you.


Technique 2: Get her to tell you about her wildest night out with her girlfriends - and something wild that one of her FRIENDS did.

This one is the "gateway drug" for a woman that gets her to let down her guard and really open up.

You see, when a woman is out with her friends, she does things that she might not normally do. Not freaky in a sexual way, but just wild because her girlfriend's behavior gets her to act more like the group than herself. It's the mob mentality.

What you're doing is getting her to start thinking about those wild times, even if she doesn't tell you about all of them. In fact, she will probably hold back on 90% of the crazy shit she did on those wild nights.

But what's easier for her to reveal is something one of her friends did on one of those crazy nights. Hey, it's not HER, after all, and it's easier to talk about someone else's wild times.

The key to this step is - don't be judgmental! Don't make any comments that make it seem like you're judging her friend negatively, or against that kind of behavior. Tell her that's all cool, and you wish you'd been there to see it yourself.


Technique 3: Reveal a dark secret of your own.

This is really key.

A woman has a radar that tells her when she's "clicking" with someone. And one of the biggest parts of that is when she senses that she's getting as much from you as she's giving. This enables a sense of connection from her.

So what you have to do is to think ahead and plan out what you will give up as your sacrificial lamb - your dirty secret.

What I usually tell women about is the time I was playing with my cute cousin, when we were just getting to be around 5 or 6 years old. We were pretending we were a married couple and we would go off to work, and kiss each other goodbye. Hey, we didn't know any better, we were just kids. But it was kinda wrong, but still fun at the same time.

Now most women like that story because they've encountered some guy that they would like to have had but couldn't because of some taboo (typically he was married.)

I suggest the story be absolutely true, because B.S. won't work here. She'll figure it out in a heartbeat, and you'll actually hurt yourself in the trust area.

You have to have a lot of detail in your story, too. That will make it more convincing, and it will draw her in like bees to honey.


Technique 4: Get her to reveal her "dark little secret."

After you've told her your story, this is the perfect time to spring this on her.

You see, there's this little psychological principle called the "reciprocity" rule. It means that if you do something for someone, they feel compelled to do something for you to return the favor. To not do anything would leave an outstanding debt on them that they don't want. (This is also why most people refuse the most basic of favors from you - especially strangers. You can't do nice things for people because they'll feel indebted to you.)

But this works for you because now she will want to reveal something to you to "pay back" this debt of trust.

The key here is to make sure she's really giving you a good "dark secret" in exchange. Some women come up with some really lame stuff, like they shoplifted a pack of gum. If she does this, you can't accept it. You have to call her on it by saying, "Oh, now come on... I gave you something really good there, and that's the best you can come up with? You must be some kind of innocent girl that's never even kissed a guy before."

You tease her into going further and telling you more.


Now you see what we've done here?

We've moved her along the trust line from mild disclosure (small secrets) to the big mo-fos (DARK secrets.)

Oh, something really important here: If she does finally tell you something dark, you do NOT make fun of her. She went out on a limb by revealing this to you, so you need to make sure you don't violate her trust by making her feel like a fool for doing that. When she's done, buy her a drink to reward her. Then do what you did before for her friend and express nothing but approval.

Then take her home and bang her the rest of the night... Because now she'll want to act consistently with this new "bad girl" image you've helped her create.

It works. For the guys that use it...

Oh, and if you want more info on how to seduce women, you probably already know that the way into her bed is through knowing what to say to women.

I've got a great video on that for you here:
CLICK HERE for The Secrets Of How To Talk To Women (link to http://www.carlosxuma.com/how-to-talk-to-women/ )


Stay Alpha...

- Carlos Xuma

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Continuing the car drama..


 So I didn't have a car for 2 weeks and then after getting my car back last Thursday it's back in the shop with the exact same problem...

So because of that updates have been... erratic.

But I should be updating more soon, after I get done throwing things against the wall and yelling :)

JS

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

It Gets Better (Approaching That Is)


 Yesterday I had a weird day of game.

  I was out and about doing some approaches and it was not going well...

 I was getting a ton of girls who just wouldn't engage or contribute beyond one word answers and one girl who even answered her phone while I was talking to her.

I even tried to slum a lil bit by hitting on a goth girl at whole foods which should have been an easy # close and I couldn't even make this work.

In all it was probably 4 horrible approaches in my first 4 attempts.

To top it all off I was really tired and didn't really want to be out and about talking to chicks.

But I kept going and my next approach went great with a really hot girl and then I got another # after that followed by two more.

One of the things this reminded me was that the first few approaches often suck both as an experience and in terms of results. I talk about warm up sets a lot but in my own personal life, I still expect to hit home runs in my first approach of the day. It'd be really cool if I was the kind of guy who could be always "on" (and sometimes I am) but for the most part my approaches(and most of you reading this) are going to get markedly better around the 4th, 5th and 6th approach. Because by that time you're warmed up, you've exposed yourself to some social feedback and hopefully you've made some adjustments to your body language, eye contact etc...

So when going out don't get discouraged if your first few approaches don't go anywhere, it happens. But it also doesn't mean that you won't be able to get better in approaches 4,5 and 6.

JS- The King Of Content

Monday, July 09, 2012

Having an Identity That Hooks


 Hey there,

 Today I want to talk about something I've been thinking about for awhile.

 In order to get better results with women, you're going to need a comprehensive identity that hooks a woman's attention and causes her to interact with you more based strictly on your identity.

Now this doesn't mean that you need to go back to 2005 and start telling women you are a "superstar daredevil illusionist." or pretending to be someone you're not. Instead you need to tailor your presentation towards keeping a woman's attention.

When women meet men, they are trying to stereotype that guy in order to figure out how interested they are in a guy. Furthermore you want to be someone who can be easily described to her friends, mom, etc in one word.

Women will often interact with men they are not attracted to or interested in because they have an identity that has hooked their attention. I came to this idea when I watched a C level reality star in a bar with a bunch of girls who kept saying they not only weren't attracted to him but thought he was kinda lame. Yet they kept talking to and interacting with the guy and eventually he left with one of those girls.

You want an identity that will keep the woman's attention without you having to do it with social skills which lowers your value and lowers the women's interest in you.

This probably sounds more complicated than it actually is.

Most guys don't actually think about the way they present themselves to women. They choose a model for picking up chicks, a few routines that are supposed to keep a woman's attention and think that should be enough. Worse still because different companies have different presentation styles (RSD is drunk fratboy game, Brent teaches rich guy game, Mystery teaches intrigue/faux celebrity game etc...) guys tend to mix and match different routines and ideas from guys with VERY different presentation styles which leads to guys coming off extremely incongruent and getting bad results with women.

So you want to think about your identity on the whole when it comes to meeting women.

To do this you need to ask yourself a few questions:

What kind of guy am I?

Now not every guy can be high value, or a frat boy type or a C list reality star. But every guy can have some identity that is attractive to women whether it's "psychic" guy (an early Mystery Identity) or  yoga teacher guy, or even music guy. Whatever it is you need to have a one word description of what kind of guy you are and how you're going to present that.

Then ask yourself

Is it congruent?

Just because you want to be that cool club guy, doesn't mean you can actually pull it off. You have to be realistic here or you WILL NEVER GET RESULTS.

Lastly ask yourself

How can I get this into the conversation quickly and make sure that the woman is hooked by my identity first before I try to actually get her attracted.


Once you're able to establish an identity that hooks a woman's attention, you'll find that your interactions go much smoother and easier and you get less flaking and distrust from women overall.

JS- The King Of Content














Monday, July 02, 2012

Cars Suck...


 My car is back in the shop today.

 For longtime blog readers, this is not the M3 I had from 2007-2011. This is another different car that also ends up in the shop a lot.

 It's interesting timing because I want to begin the process of selling this car and getting something that is

 A: More reliable. This car has been better than the M3 but still in the shop way too much and the repairs are way more expensive than I'd like them to be.

 B: Gets better gas mileage. I seriously get like 200 miles to a tank and I drive kind of a lot now.

 So hopefully my warranty covers the stuff that's wrong with my car today and I get it back quickly so that I can sell it and get something new that will almost invariably be an issue as well.

JS