Friday, March 15, 2013

Sticking Points # 4: Not being able to get/recognize attraction


  Back with the 4th installment of this sticking point series (I'm currently brainstorming 2 huge posts on Duality/women and Technology and where dating is going, these will have multiple parts and will possibly interrupt this series but it'll be worth it)

Today I want to talk about attraction.

The biggest problems guys have with attraction is that they cannot recognize it. They literally can't tell the difference between attraction and girls being polite.

There is even a name for this bias in psychology; The Male Sexual Overperception Bias which basically says that men tend to believe that any interest a woman shows in them is sexual interest. This is the biggest problem men have when it comes to talking to new women because they assume that any interest a woman has is sexual even when it's obvious the girl is simply being polite.

This leads to guys looking for signs of attraction which are mostly useless, punch yourself in the face if you're still looking for:

Girls flicking their hair
Girls licking their lips
Girls tilting their heads

etc...

Instead you need to focus on the two best signs of attraction that will almost always be accurate

1. Will she move with you (even if it's just 5 feet)
2. Will she qualify herself.

If the answer to either of these questions is no and you have been talking to a woman for more than 5 mins it's time to move on as she's not attracted to you.

JS 




Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Sticking Points # 3: Running Out Of Things To Say


 Yo,

 I'm back with the sticking point series part 3: Running out of things to say.

In the past we've looked at getting to average, dealing with anxiety and getting a woman's attention and getting her committed to the conversation. You can check those out by scolling down the blog.

Next we're going to be diving into the idea of running out of things to say.

We've all been there; you're talking to a girl who seems like she's into you and all of a sudden you hit the wall going 90 and can't figure out anything to say to keep the conversation going. It's not just depressing it can make you want to stop talking to girls once and for all.

So let's look at how to avoid it.

1. Prepare. The first problem guys have is that they are not prepared to talk to women They don't know what they're good subjects are, what they like talking about and what women respond to etc...

2. Relax. The second big problem guys have is they freak out and the anxiety rattles their brain and completely wrecks their ability to recall things. Studies have shown that even seeing a picture of a beautiful women is enough to make men forget their own names. So learning to consciously relax and use relaxation techniques during conversations with women will help you not run out of things to say.

3.  Let go of the need to say the perfect thing. There is no perfect thing to say and saying something is ALWAYS better than saying nothing. One thing we know for sure doesn't work is sitting there in silence and hoping the girl will carry the load of the conversation.

4. Create a  default system. One of the best things I've ever come up with when it comes to avoiding running out of things to say, is the idea of a conversation anagram. The anagram is a word that is made up of other words based on their first letter. For example if I want to remember my favorite conversational subjects I just think:

Food
Annoying People
TV Shows

Psychology
Advice giving
Traveling

Which is way easier than trying to remember than those 6 subjects.

Hope that helps,

JS
 

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Sticking Point # 2: Getting her attention and getting her committed to the conversation


 Last post I went over the sticking point of dealing with anxiety, obviously you can't use any tactics, techniques etc... If you're riddled with anxiety.

In this post I'm going to be looking at the next place that guys tend to stumble; getting a woman's attention and getting her committed to the conversation.

One of the biggest problems guys have is that they get focused on the idea of opening/transitioning/getting attraction. While these ideas are useful especially if you're really bad socially, this is really a reduction of what's happening in real life. In real life the most important part of starting a conversation is getting a woman's attention and then getting her committed to the conversation.

Getting a woman's attention.

One of the biggest problems guys have when they start conversations with strange women, is an inability to get their attention. They may have technically "opened" or started a conversation with the woman but they have not gotten her to STOP what she's doing and pay attention to them.

You see this during day game when guys will throw one comment out, the woman will laugh and then because the guy failed to completely get her attention she thinks the conversation is over and walks away (Cue a bunch of readers slapping their foreheads). The same thing happens at night when guys will throw out one or 2 comments (usually to girls standing close by or at the bar) and again it fizzles due to a lack of attention.

So how do you get a girl's attention?

It's actually not that hard.

1. Commit to the approach. One of the biggest problems I see when guys approach is they half ass it. They do the approach, but they're halfway out halfway in. The non committed approacher throws out comments and hopes for them to hook but if not he's happy to walk away and chalk up having done an approach. You have to commit as much as you can on each and every approach. That means you don't want to hedge the approach or do it at half speed. Instead you want to go 100% every time you do an approach.

2. Touch her. I used to recommend not touching girls on the approach during the day time, but in the last year I've done it every time with much better results in terms of getting attention. Every time you start a conversation with a stranger you need to touch them in order to make sure they know you're talking to them and more importantly you want a response.

3. Prompt for a response. After you've started a conversation with a woman, you need to prompt her to respond. This is to get her to pay attention and actually have to think about the fact that she is in a conversation and expected to respond. You need to do this no matter how you open, it's not just a thing for indirect or direct openers. You always need to prompt the girl for a response.

Now let's talk about how to get her committed to the conversation.

Once you have her attention, you need to get her to commit to the conversation.

What I mean by that, is that in an interaction wherever it takes place you need to get the woman to specifically and verbally commit to talking to you for a few minutes. This is the opposite of a "False Time Constraint". We want to get her to commit to talking for a few so that we can start to trigger the psychological principle of commitment and consistency.

How do we get her to commit?

At Bars/Clubs we are going to need to get the girl to commit to talking to us by ISOLATING her from her friends. So in this situation once we have the girls attention (I'm talking 30 sec-1min) you need to start trying to isolate. I'll do this by saying,

 "You seem cool, I want to talk to you more. Let's grab a drink at the bar*"

 *You can switch out drink at the bar for grab a seat, get a cigarette, get some air, whatever.

  During the day time I'll say something like

 "Are you in a rush? or can you talk for a few mins, you seem cool."

  What's going to happen here is girls are going to get screened based out based on the level of attention and commitment they're going to give you right away. This is going to keep you from having those 20 minute conversations to nowhere that are the real enemy of getting laid.

 Next post I'm going to be going over running out of things to say and how to avoid that problem forever.

JS-The King Of Content