Thursday, March 07, 2013

Sticking Point # 2: Getting her attention and getting her committed to the conversation


 Last post I went over the sticking point of dealing with anxiety, obviously you can't use any tactics, techniques etc... If you're riddled with anxiety.

In this post I'm going to be looking at the next place that guys tend to stumble; getting a woman's attention and getting her committed to the conversation.

One of the biggest problems guys have is that they get focused on the idea of opening/transitioning/getting attraction. While these ideas are useful especially if you're really bad socially, this is really a reduction of what's happening in real life. In real life the most important part of starting a conversation is getting a woman's attention and then getting her committed to the conversation.

Getting a woman's attention.

One of the biggest problems guys have when they start conversations with strange women, is an inability to get their attention. They may have technically "opened" or started a conversation with the woman but they have not gotten her to STOP what she's doing and pay attention to them.

You see this during day game when guys will throw one comment out, the woman will laugh and then because the guy failed to completely get her attention she thinks the conversation is over and walks away (Cue a bunch of readers slapping their foreheads). The same thing happens at night when guys will throw out one or 2 comments (usually to girls standing close by or at the bar) and again it fizzles due to a lack of attention.

So how do you get a girl's attention?

It's actually not that hard.

1. Commit to the approach. One of the biggest problems I see when guys approach is they half ass it. They do the approach, but they're halfway out halfway in. The non committed approacher throws out comments and hopes for them to hook but if not he's happy to walk away and chalk up having done an approach. You have to commit as much as you can on each and every approach. That means you don't want to hedge the approach or do it at half speed. Instead you want to go 100% every time you do an approach.

2. Touch her. I used to recommend not touching girls on the approach during the day time, but in the last year I've done it every time with much better results in terms of getting attention. Every time you start a conversation with a stranger you need to touch them in order to make sure they know you're talking to them and more importantly you want a response.

3. Prompt for a response. After you've started a conversation with a woman, you need to prompt her to respond. This is to get her to pay attention and actually have to think about the fact that she is in a conversation and expected to respond. You need to do this no matter how you open, it's not just a thing for indirect or direct openers. You always need to prompt the girl for a response.

Now let's talk about how to get her committed to the conversation.

Once you have her attention, you need to get her to commit to the conversation.

What I mean by that, is that in an interaction wherever it takes place you need to get the woman to specifically and verbally commit to talking to you for a few minutes. This is the opposite of a "False Time Constraint". We want to get her to commit to talking for a few so that we can start to trigger the psychological principle of commitment and consistency.

How do we get her to commit?

At Bars/Clubs we are going to need to get the girl to commit to talking to us by ISOLATING her from her friends. So in this situation once we have the girls attention (I'm talking 30 sec-1min) you need to start trying to isolate. I'll do this by saying,

 "You seem cool, I want to talk to you more. Let's grab a drink at the bar*"

 *You can switch out drink at the bar for grab a seat, get a cigarette, get some air, whatever.

  During the day time I'll say something like

 "Are you in a rush? or can you talk for a few mins, you seem cool."

  What's going to happen here is girls are going to get screened based out based on the level of attention and commitment they're going to give you right away. This is going to keep you from having those 20 minute conversations to nowhere that are the real enemy of getting laid.

 Next post I'm going to be going over running out of things to say and how to avoid that problem forever.

JS-The King Of Content    

 

3 comments:

  1. Good to see you writing again, quality stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awwesome stuff, Jon!
    From Zambia!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awesome, Jon! Love your stuff!

    From Zambia!

    ReplyDelete