Monday, April 22, 2013

Mating Intelligence Unleashed Notes


 Hey there,


This book just came out that had a bunch of new stuff on clinical research into dating (Including looking at PUA tactics like stuff Mystery teaches)

Here's my notes on it:

 
Women preferred innocuous pick up lines wheras men have a preference for direct approaches.

Cognitive Fatigue or distraction can make women less susceptible to innocuous pick up lines and approaches but doesn’t seem to have an effect on reciprocity to direct approaches.

Attempts that received the highest ratings displayed a man’s helpfulness, ability to take control, wealth, education, culture or direct wit.

Opening gambits that revealed a man’s wealth, generosity, ability to take charge, and physical fitness appealed to women.

Men underestimated how much women liked opening gambits that revealed a man’s willingness to hand over control of the interaction to the woman and revealed his wealth or willingness to help someone else.

According to Sternberg each of us creates one of 26 love stories at an early age which then influences our mating choices.

Men think about sex about once an hr compared to once every 2 hours for women

Being a male or female matters less in determining a person’s mating strategy than does a person’s life history strategy.

Karl Grammer and co looked at initial heterosexual encounters and found flirting was only weakly related to actual interest.

Researchers found that women aged 27-45 thought more about sex and were more willing to have sex after 1 date, 1 week and 1 month. They also reported higher than norma levels of fantsies.

Ovulation in women causes more likely mating behaviors including but not limited to: A tendency to be more likely to touch other males in casual setting, and a tendency to be more attracted to creative tyoes, take more risks, dance dynamically and appear more symmetrical.

Men were better at guessing what women want in long term partners while women were better at guessing what men wanted in short term partners.

The most common deceptions are fitness value, level of commitment, tendency towards kindness, financial status, social status and educational background.

Narcissim has different factors: Leadership/Authority, Self absorbtion/self admiration, superiority/arrogance, exploitativeness/entitlement


6 Love Styles:

Eros-Passionate physical and emotional intimacy
Ludus-Game playing and conquest
Pragma-central practical concerns and career goals
Storage- an outgrowth of friendship
Agape- Selflessness
Mania- Attachment and Obsession

Dominance only increases sexual attraction when the person is already high in agreeableness and altruism.

Women scoring high in sexism and sociosexuality are more receptive to PUA advances (Aggresssive courtship styles) . The research by Jeffrey Hall suggest that assertive mating strategies are a way of identifying women with the same courtship script.


 JS




Monday, April 15, 2013

Sticking Point # 6: Failure to Escalate the initial interaction


 Hey there,

 Blah blah blah some excuse as to why i didn't post until now. Blah Blah.
 
 Today I want to write about one of the bigger problems guy have when it comes to talking to women they are attracted to.

 Failing to escalate the initial interaction.

 Let me ask you a question first:

 You're talking to a girl at a party for about 10 minutes and you're not sure if she's into you should you:

 A. Continue talking to her in the hopes that you'll be able to make her like you more later BEFORE you try to escalate.

 B. Tell her you like her and want to have sex with her.

 C. Try for the BIGGEST possible escalation you can think of in the situation.

 D. Try for the SMALLEST escalation you can think of in the situation.

 E. All of the Above.

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  The answer is D and I'll explain why.

 A is a terrible answer but what most guys do when they've been talking to a girl and thanks to the Male sexual overperception bias think the girl is into them more than she really is. They realize through their delusion that they don't have enough "attraction" or whatever it is to be able to move the girl, touch her, make a move. But they think that if they keep talking it's only a matter of time. This is equivalent to not removing a bad bet on the craps table in order to make a good one.

 This is False. Most girls know if they're into you or not within the first 30-60 seconds. This has been proven thousands of times in scientific studies but you don't even need to read those. Instead just think of all the times a girl has not been instantly into you on a cold approach and you got her anyway.

Need some time to think about that?

It's cool I'll wait.

It's NEVER happened has it?

I know because it's happened to me like 3 times and I've approached exponentially more girls than you the reader has or ever will.

It's either there or it isn't and either way we're gonna do the same thing.

Answer B is more on the right track but telling a girl you want to have sex with her, when she is not into you is one of the dumbest things you can do as it is a one way ticket to creepsville do not pass go do not collect $200.

Answer C is even more right than answer B, but it could also lead to you blowing yourself out. If the biggest escalation is inviting a girl back to your place and you do it too early the girl will not agree and now you've basically taken the biggest best escalation you have off the table as the girl has flat out rejected you. You can now continue to lose self esteem as you wait it out hoping she'll like you later but chances are you blew it through OVERagrressiveness.

Which brings us to answer D. The right thing to do when you're not sure whether or not a woman likes you (or when she likes you but it's not enough to really escalate) is to make the smallest possible escalation you can make at the time.

Perhaps it's physically taking her hand.

Or Asking for her phone #

Or isolating her from her friends.

Whatever the smallest most baby stepped escalation is, is what you should be doing when you're nto sure what to do.

When in doubt opt for the smallest escalation possible at the time. This is the correct answer because while it is possible to use several small escalations to add up to a big one. It doesn't work in reverse. If you get rejected on a big escalation it does not mean you are going to be successful at a smaller one. In fact it often means you are going to continue to get rejected because of a concept I call negative compliance momentum. Which basically is a fancy way of saying, the more a woman rejects you, the more likely she will be to reject you in the future.

Hope that helps,

JS

  

 
  

Friday, April 05, 2013

Sticking Point # 5: Not Being Able To Isolate


 God Some of you are a bunch of stupid whiny bitches in the comment section!

 If you don't like the amount I update, don't read my blog.

 Oh you don't wanna do that, do you?

Cause you want the free advice you just want to act like an entitled internet pussy while doing it.

Seriously, fuck you if you complain about this blog after 6 years and over 1200 FREE posts, I hope you get run over by a car, stabbed by a group of homeless people with jagged beer bottles and then anally raped by a syphilitic bear.

If I could ban you fucking losers from reading I would so fast you're empty heads would spin.

Fuck outta here with your bullshit.

Now that I've handled these bitch ass internet trolls, let's get back into info that can help you.

Sticking point # 5: Not being able to isolate.

Isolation is EASY.

All you have to do is

A: Have Attraction.
B. Make an excuse to move somewhere else.

So why do guys struggle with this?

Like the anonymous internet commenters they are pussies. They feel like they have something when a girl is talking to them even if that something is just polite response. Furthermore guys have the male sexual perception bias so it's hard for guys to tell when a woman is just being polite and isn't interested in fucking you.

So these guys HOPE that if they talk to the girl for 5-10 more minutes before trying to isolate or if they can have a good conversation in the group they assume it's the same thing.

It's not.

You can get much more sexual, deep and intimate in a one on one conversation than you ever can in a group.

Furthermore being willing to move with you is one of the best signs of attraction in addition to letting you know she actually likes you.

So what happens if she won't isolate?

You need to move on. You can come back 10-15 mins later but you need to show that you are willing to walk away to get a drink, seat, etc... If you attempt to isolate and fail it's a bad idea to keep standing around as it makes you look needy.

So to wrap up, here's what you need to know about isolation.

1. It's easy as long as you have attraction. It's impossible without it.
2. All you need is an excuse. Say it's too hot or cold in here, I need to get a drink keep me company, let's grab a seat, come over here, etc...
3. If the girl doesn't want to she's NOT attracted to you enough. Time to bounce!!!!!!!!!! 

Simple.

JS- The King of Content and Slapping around Internet Tough Guys.


Friday, March 15, 2013

Sticking Points # 4: Not being able to get/recognize attraction


  Back with the 4th installment of this sticking point series (I'm currently brainstorming 2 huge posts on Duality/women and Technology and where dating is going, these will have multiple parts and will possibly interrupt this series but it'll be worth it)

Today I want to talk about attraction.

The biggest problems guys have with attraction is that they cannot recognize it. They literally can't tell the difference between attraction and girls being polite.

There is even a name for this bias in psychology; The Male Sexual Overperception Bias which basically says that men tend to believe that any interest a woman shows in them is sexual interest. This is the biggest problem men have when it comes to talking to new women because they assume that any interest a woman has is sexual even when it's obvious the girl is simply being polite.

This leads to guys looking for signs of attraction which are mostly useless, punch yourself in the face if you're still looking for:

Girls flicking their hair
Girls licking their lips
Girls tilting their heads

etc...

Instead you need to focus on the two best signs of attraction that will almost always be accurate

1. Will she move with you (even if it's just 5 feet)
2. Will she qualify herself.

If the answer to either of these questions is no and you have been talking to a woman for more than 5 mins it's time to move on as she's not attracted to you.

JS 




Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Sticking Points # 3: Running Out Of Things To Say


 Yo,

 I'm back with the sticking point series part 3: Running out of things to say.

In the past we've looked at getting to average, dealing with anxiety and getting a woman's attention and getting her committed to the conversation. You can check those out by scolling down the blog.

Next we're going to be diving into the idea of running out of things to say.

We've all been there; you're talking to a girl who seems like she's into you and all of a sudden you hit the wall going 90 and can't figure out anything to say to keep the conversation going. It's not just depressing it can make you want to stop talking to girls once and for all.

So let's look at how to avoid it.

1. Prepare. The first problem guys have is that they are not prepared to talk to women They don't know what they're good subjects are, what they like talking about and what women respond to etc...

2. Relax. The second big problem guys have is they freak out and the anxiety rattles their brain and completely wrecks their ability to recall things. Studies have shown that even seeing a picture of a beautiful women is enough to make men forget their own names. So learning to consciously relax and use relaxation techniques during conversations with women will help you not run out of things to say.

3.  Let go of the need to say the perfect thing. There is no perfect thing to say and saying something is ALWAYS better than saying nothing. One thing we know for sure doesn't work is sitting there in silence and hoping the girl will carry the load of the conversation.

4. Create a  default system. One of the best things I've ever come up with when it comes to avoiding running out of things to say, is the idea of a conversation anagram. The anagram is a word that is made up of other words based on their first letter. For example if I want to remember my favorite conversational subjects I just think:

Food
Annoying People
TV Shows

Psychology
Advice giving
Traveling

Which is way easier than trying to remember than those 6 subjects.

Hope that helps,

JS
 

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Sticking Point # 2: Getting her attention and getting her committed to the conversation


 Last post I went over the sticking point of dealing with anxiety, obviously you can't use any tactics, techniques etc... If you're riddled with anxiety.

In this post I'm going to be looking at the next place that guys tend to stumble; getting a woman's attention and getting her committed to the conversation.

One of the biggest problems guys have is that they get focused on the idea of opening/transitioning/getting attraction. While these ideas are useful especially if you're really bad socially, this is really a reduction of what's happening in real life. In real life the most important part of starting a conversation is getting a woman's attention and then getting her committed to the conversation.

Getting a woman's attention.

One of the biggest problems guys have when they start conversations with strange women, is an inability to get their attention. They may have technically "opened" or started a conversation with the woman but they have not gotten her to STOP what she's doing and pay attention to them.

You see this during day game when guys will throw one comment out, the woman will laugh and then because the guy failed to completely get her attention she thinks the conversation is over and walks away (Cue a bunch of readers slapping their foreheads). The same thing happens at night when guys will throw out one or 2 comments (usually to girls standing close by or at the bar) and again it fizzles due to a lack of attention.

So how do you get a girl's attention?

It's actually not that hard.

1. Commit to the approach. One of the biggest problems I see when guys approach is they half ass it. They do the approach, but they're halfway out halfway in. The non committed approacher throws out comments and hopes for them to hook but if not he's happy to walk away and chalk up having done an approach. You have to commit as much as you can on each and every approach. That means you don't want to hedge the approach or do it at half speed. Instead you want to go 100% every time you do an approach.

2. Touch her. I used to recommend not touching girls on the approach during the day time, but in the last year I've done it every time with much better results in terms of getting attention. Every time you start a conversation with a stranger you need to touch them in order to make sure they know you're talking to them and more importantly you want a response.

3. Prompt for a response. After you've started a conversation with a woman, you need to prompt her to respond. This is to get her to pay attention and actually have to think about the fact that she is in a conversation and expected to respond. You need to do this no matter how you open, it's not just a thing for indirect or direct openers. You always need to prompt the girl for a response.

Now let's talk about how to get her committed to the conversation.

Once you have her attention, you need to get her to commit to the conversation.

What I mean by that, is that in an interaction wherever it takes place you need to get the woman to specifically and verbally commit to talking to you for a few minutes. This is the opposite of a "False Time Constraint". We want to get her to commit to talking for a few so that we can start to trigger the psychological principle of commitment and consistency.

How do we get her to commit?

At Bars/Clubs we are going to need to get the girl to commit to talking to us by ISOLATING her from her friends. So in this situation once we have the girls attention (I'm talking 30 sec-1min) you need to start trying to isolate. I'll do this by saying,

 "You seem cool, I want to talk to you more. Let's grab a drink at the bar*"

 *You can switch out drink at the bar for grab a seat, get a cigarette, get some air, whatever.

  During the day time I'll say something like

 "Are you in a rush? or can you talk for a few mins, you seem cool."

  What's going to happen here is girls are going to get screened based out based on the level of attention and commitment they're going to give you right away. This is going to keep you from having those 20 minute conversations to nowhere that are the real enemy of getting laid.

 Next post I'm going to be going over running out of things to say and how to avoid that problem forever.

JS-The King Of Content    

 

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Sticking Points Re-Visited # 1: Dealing WIth Anxiety


 The biggest problems guys have with women all come down to anxiety.

 Specifically they come down to anxieties related to:

 1. Socializing- We used to refer to this under the blanket term social anxiety, however social anxiety is different from anxiety that is triggered by socializing. If you dread going in to the office because you have to say hello and make small talk with your co-workers you may have social anxiety. If you get nervous at 4 PM on a Friday because you know you're going to have to go out that night, you have anxiety related to socializing. Approach anxiety is a form of anxiety related to socializing rather than actual social anxiety.
 2. Sex- Sexual anxiety can take many forms from size shame, to performance anxiety, to unreasonable concerns about STDs, etc... Sexual Anxiety is not a one size fits all diagnosis and can range from not being able to discuss sex and sexual topics without giggling to not being able to get it up with new girls or have sex have sober.

Since the topic of anxiety is one I could easily write a gazillion words about (and upon which a gazillion words have been written) I'm going to try to keep this as brief as I can.

What is Anxiety, exactly?

Anxiety is an adverse fear based psychological state of mind characterized by restlessness, thought loops, sweating, increased heart rate, etc... It's key here to draw a distinction between fear and anxiety as fear is a more intense emotion and state of mind. Also fear tends to happen when we are triggered by something in the real world anxiety is a more paranoid frame of mind where we worry about things that haven't happened yet.

What problems does anxiety cause for guys trying to meet women? 

 A ton.... Specifically:

1. Approach Anxiety
2. Escalation Anxiety
3. Fear of going out alone
4. Irrational fear of other guys
5. Fear of approaching girls you're really attracted to
6. Fear of rejection

and more.

What can you do to deal with your anxiety?

First you need to figure out what kind of anxiety you have, I'm not a DR but they do exist and I recommend if you live in a high state of anxiety and worry about women, sex and dating that you go to see a psychiatrist. You probably don't need anti-anxiety medication, but you might and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact I have recommended plenty of my students go to psychiatrists and several of my more successful students have been on anti anxiety meds to help them deal with physical symptoms like flop sweat, shaking etc...

Secondly you need to attack your anxiety head on with a two pronged combination of knowledge and experience.

When it comes to knowledge you need to educate yourself on where this anxiety came from. If it's sexual you want to learn as much as you can about sex. If it's around socializing you want to look back on your life and try to pinpoint when this anxiety started and if you can (no shame if you can't that's why we're not shrinks) what started it.

Next and most importantly you need to start taking small actions related to this anxiety. You want to start taking baby stpes. iterally the smallest possible step that you can take to move yourself a little more out of anxiety. It could be going to the mall by yourself and walking around, meeting a girl off the internet just for sex, or going out and doing slightly embarrasing things in public. But you want to gradually move the volume on your anxiety down. What may start out as an almost deafening scream of panic and anxiety can be muted with enough exposure and survival. But you need to know what the anxiety is before you can start to do things experientally to deal with it.

So this is in no way a full primer on anxiety and dealing with it , but it's an overview of how to deal with the sticking point of anxiety in the broadest terms when it comes to meeting women.

Next time I'll look at sticking point # 2: Getting Women's Attention And Getting Them Committed to The Conversation.

JS

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Sticking Point # 15 Getting To Average



 There were a few questions about this sticking point in the comments, so I figured I'd start by taking a look at getting to average.

 This is actually one of the first sticking points you need to deal with in order to start actually getting dates, lays etc... But I forgot it until the end of my list and was too lazy to go move it to the front.

Contrary to the opinions of extremely out of touch internet PUA fanboys, the average guy does in fact get laid. He is not an average frustrated chump, nor are you better than him because you study pick up. In fact you're probably studying pick up because you're not good enough to be average with women.

 Most (Read :all) guys who find this stuff start off well below average. I know I did in may areas: Looks, Neediness, Sexual Anxiety, etc...

So how do you get to normal?

By doing a few BASIC but often difficult, and time consuming things:

1. Start working out. If you're not in shape you have no right to complain about not getting girls. Not trying to hear it.
2. Get a makeover. Guys for whatever reason tend to keep the haircut they had in college or when they first got out into the work force. They also tend to keep their same style. This is one of the major reasons you're not getting girls. Change it. And shut up about money, you can get a good haircut for $24 at most Floyds barbershops or equivilant and you can shop discount retailers like Ross and Marshals and even thrift stores for cheap new looks.
3. Get a life. Meaning you need to start getting out of the house for interacting socially 3-4 times a week EVERY week. It doesn't have to be pick up but you need to start going out and talking to people in networking groups, volunteer work, co-ed sports teams, comedy or music classes etc... Being social is something you have to do a lot to get good at, and it's something that takes TIME. It's impossible to get good results socially whether it's networking, making friends, or getting laid without putting in a lot of time on a regular (read: weekly) basis.
4. Learn BASIC social skills. You don't need to be the most interesting guy in the world but you do need to be able to have a normal conversation without saying anything too weird, creepy, boring or self centered. If you've seen my stuff on social comfort or filling in the gaps with normal conversation you know what I'm talking about.
5. Start asking girls out. In a well publicized study in 1978 that was repeated in 1982 at Florida State University scientists Russell D Clark III and Elaine Hatfield  had an average man and an average woman approach members of the opposite sex and ask them to in order; go on a date with them,  come back to their apartment with them and to have sex with them. 50% of women agreed to go on a date with the average man. Even if you adjust for flaking with the 90% rate that most men get it still translates to 10% of girls showing up which is a similar rate to those reported by PUAs. So once you're average you need to start asking girls out and seeing what the results are then if you're still having problems we can move on to the rest of the technical and tactical sticking points that men encounter when approaching women.

Hope that helps,

JS

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Interesting TED talk about technology and human interaction



This is a great talk and is the inspiration for a blog post I have floating around inside my head about the effects of technology on dating in general since 2004 when I got involved with this whole thing.

In short, in less than 10 years the ways that people interact has changed especially with young people as people are now less comfortable having an in person conversation as the rise of social media and internet connectivity has led us to want to control and customize every interaction we have throughout our lives. Phone game changing was just the beginning as I feel (and this talk and research suggest) that we are rocketing towards a world where people rarely if ever interact in person if avoidable.

 I still need to crystalize my points and form an idea of what we can do about it moving forward so stay tuned for that stuff...

JS

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Re-Visiting Sticking Points


 Hey there,

 I'm in the middle of moving and waiting for furniture so I figured I'd write out a quick blog post.

 I feel like I've definitely written blogs while waiting for furniture before... But I move a lot so it makes sense.

Today I want to lay out what I believe are the basic sticking points that anyone looking to improve with women will go through. You may go through one of these sticking points or all of them like I did.

They are:

1. Dealing with anxiety: Approach/Social/Sexual/Going out (Possibly Alone).
2. Getting Women's Attention and Getting them committed to the conversation.
3. Running Out Of Things To Say
4. Not being able to get/recognize attraction or lack there of.
5. Not being able to isolate from a group in bars/clubs/parties
6. Escalation Problems: Going for Phone #s, kisses, dates etc...
7. Phone Flaking/Getting Led on
8. Physical Escalation Problems
9. Being a bad date
10. Keeping a girl interested once you've been on a date/are dating
11. Being bad in bed
12. Dealing with short term relationships: defining expectations, break ups
13. Developing Self Confidence
14. Getting Hotter Girls
15. Getting to Average

* Notice I didn't put dealing with long term relationships there, mainly because I don't believe that anyone knows shit about how to keep long term relationships going.
 
So that looks like a lot and it is. But it also isn't. Like I said most guys will not have to go through all of these especially if you're not interested in meeting girls in bars and clubs which I recommend.

I'm gonna spend the next few blog posts doing little write ups on each sticking point, that will help you to understand what each sp is and how to start dealing with it.

JS 

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Hey it's a new blog post!


 Hey there,

 It's been awhile.

 I wish I had a cool reason I haven't been posting. It started off when I went on vacation. Then I just kinda didn't ever get back to posting or looking at the blog until last week when I was reminded that people still come to the blog and that there were a decent amount of comments.

I deleted all the comments cause they're old and I didn't feel like sifting through the spam and penis pill links to find the quality comments made by real human beings.

Another reason I haven't been posting lately is that I now have a lot more commitments for creating content than I had when I started this blog in 2006. It's hard to sit down and write about pick up and dating after you've spent 8 hours creating videos, audios, doing interviews and coaching students all on the same subject.

Plus after having written 1100 plus blog posts I think I just kinda needed a break from having to write this blog. It's been almost 7 years after all with no real prolonged break at all.

So that's why I wasn't blogging, I haven't become bitter and disillusioned or decided to move to Ecudor I was just taking some time off.

Talk soon,

JS