Monday, December 19, 2011

On Demonstrating Value Part 2: It's Not a video game!

So it seems like people didn't really get what I was trying to say with the post on demonstrating value from last week.

Shocking I know.

The point I was trying to make was that the idea of "Demonstrating value" is fundamentally wrong, because as I talked about last time, value is subjective. Also it's kinda hard to figure out what a girl values specifically without sounding like a therapist. So the idea of demonstrating value is off both as a term and as a part of the pick-up process. I'll sketch out what I believe (and my research supports) actually is happening later in this post.

This gets into today's post "game" doesn't work like a video game. There is no sequence of things that you can say or do that will get you laid in every situation. Unlike a video game there isn't ONLY 1 way to pass a level or achieve a goal. There are a huge variety of variables that are not present in a video game and rely on a real person with her own feelings, thoughts and agendas.

Such as:
The type of girl you're talking to
Her current mood
Her romantic status (Is she single, looking, taken,)
Her previous thoughts about guys who look like you
Her history with guys
Her age
and on and on...

Pickup is actually much more like the game roulette. The variables are almost infinite and luck plays a much bigger part than we are willing to acknowledge. This also leads us to the Gambler's Fallacy and how that effects the way pick-up advice is given.

The gamblers fallacy can be illustrated as follows. "Fabio" has a system for playing roulette. His "system"(bro) is to play red every time. He has lost 3 times in a row. When he loses he doubles his bet under the Gambler's fallacy that red should come up next time since it's been black 3 times in a row.

The reason this is false is because each roulette spin is independent of the last spin. On AVERAGE over a long enough time line or certain number of spins it will come up red or black about 50% of the time each. But that does NOT mean it's going to be red or black 50% of any given number set, like Fabio's 3 spins thus far. Each time the wheel is spun the chances of red or black coming up are around 50% no matter how many times a color has come up in a row.

Hopefully you're still following me, I know things like academic research are difficult to read when you're used to advice like "Be A MAN!" and "Make the ho say no!" but I digress.

Each approach is like a spin of a roulette wheel, just because the last 5 girls I talked to who looked like this girl were(or not) into me, does not GUARANTEE this girl is going to be into me, because EVERY girl is different. Like each individual roulette spin.

So some women are going to respond to a guy who's hard to get, while others will not bother. Other woman will want a guy to be really aggressive and interested in her. And so on and so forth.

So am I basically just telling you to give up and that there is no hope to systematically attract a woman?

Not exactly...

There is one thing that all people(men included) respond to, that's emotions.

All people make emotional decisions (Such as continuing a conversation, being alone with a guy they just met, giving out their number, going home with a guy) and then use logic (he's a writer, he's hot, it just happened, I felt a great connection, he's sexy, I was drunk) to explain them.

Emotional stimulation is what happens during the "attraction" phase. In fact if you can't get any of what I call "emotional fluidity" (the ability to influence her emotionally positive or negative) the conversation ends very quickly.

Hell even pissing a girl off is better than getting apathy (Which is often what you get with DHV stories don't lie)

Let's look at some of the given attraction tactics and see how they stimulate emotions:

Negs/Teasing- Causes frustration, want for validation,humor
Storytelling- Range of emotions usually positive and humorous
Role-playing- Range,
Cold Reads- Intrigue, curiosity,

There's more but I want to wrap this up before I get carpal tunnel syndrome.

Because there's an almost limitless range of emotions, the true skill of attraction comes from learning to get an EMOTIONAL response from the beginning. Sometimes this even means pissing a girl off when she's being all apathetic and shit.

Which is also coincidentally why I was once able to pick up a girl at the W in Dallas with the opening line " I hope a plane crashes into this patio and kills everyone." she was in a negative emotion and I realized it (subconsciously at the time) and adapted.

And also ya know what I've been teaching for the 3 years I've been on my own.

Boom, Lawyered.

JS- The king of content- You come at the king, you best not miss :)

12 comments:

  1. Average PUA's/Guys still aren't gonna get it.

    'Value' has more to do with the ability to connect than looking good. DHV is horseshit.

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  2. Anonymous5:22 PM

    Jon,

    Did you catch the new Charlize Theron movie "Young Adult" - wow, its a pretty good take on the Queen Bee thing. I remember you wrote about HS Queen Bee's awhile ago and this movie is a good reflection of an ex-HS Queenbee that tries to relive her good old days...and you can just let the imagine go from there...

    Really good movie and I think you might like it. Really gives a good perspective on how things can go wrong for hot women (ex-Queen Bee's) no matter how perfect they may seem...

    I know of a couple of ex-Queen Bee's that have not done that well. Bad marriages, bad kids, jobs that lead to no where. Interesting study on life.

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  3. Anonymous7:46 PM

    Jon, the gambling thing. C'mon buddy.
    Also, I agree with this post. But I find DHV stories are just good and fun fillers before I (and lady) move/bounce. I don't use them to achieve anything other than making satisfying myself because its probably the only time the hot, and yet shockingly stupid, girl I'm into is going to satisfy anything.

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  4. Anonymous11:29 PM

    Wow, Sinn talking about Emotional Intelligence, that is awesome, this post was great. Not only that, I was absolutely fascinated and enjoyed the role "Luck" also plays a role in this Game along with the different type of women and the different factors involved. Thanks Sinn, keep rocking bud.

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  5. Anonymous2:43 AM

    so how do you create humor to trigger emotions?

    what are trigger words?

    I LOVE "...until the plance crashes" hilarious

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  6. Anonymous5:46 AM

    How this can work toghether with social comfort? You are basicly need to nice and bleak on the begining so?

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  7. Anonymous10:46 AM

    This is great advice for dressing up like a gayboy and talking to fat 5s and 6s. You are the master Sinn! Can you recommend me please any PUA who does not dress like ladyboy or who dates pretty women? I have only seen you with fatties sir! Sorry to say it!

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  8. Ablaze12:25 PM

    Sinn man, wish you were blogging more. Your blog is one of the only ones I read anymore because you're ideas are always pretty spot on. I like when you debunk a lot of popular ideas in the community that people dogmatically follow.

    In my local lair I alway cause a bit of a fuss because I do the same thing. It's not that I disregard all of the mainstream pickup ideology, but a lot of it is circumstantial and only works in certain situations and with certain types of girls. Anytime I try to point out the limitations of certain ideas and concepts I have people fighting me tooth and nail, using all types of bad arguments and logical fallacies to back up what they've been taught.

    So keep it up man. I've heard some people say that your blog used to be better, but I disagree. I like seeing the evolution of who you've become and I think your ideas are getting better and clearer every time. I shared your blog post in my lair about this not being a men's movement, taught in colleges, and changing the world, you remember that post... Dude, I had so many people get pissed off at me and say your post was bullshit. I thought it was spot on.

    So yeah man, I wish you were posting more... Your blog is one of the only reliable ones I check in on regularly. ~Ablaze

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  9. Anonymous5:16 AM

    Happy new years bitch!

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  10. Anonymous8:03 AM

    happy new year sinn

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  11. Anonymous9:15 PM

    Sinn, are you alive?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous6:44 AM

    man this seems so dated compared to RSD new shit now

    lets hope for your sake they don't make the game the movie;
    http://www.craveonline.com/film/articles/170855-neil-strausss-the-game-the-movie-coming-from-mgm

    ReplyDelete