Thursday, January 01, 2009

Real life Texts that led to a date...

In my latest newsletter ( That you can sign up for Here) I break down the last date I went on and the mistakes I made. This is an excerpt where I break down the text messages that went back and forth prior to our date.

This starts after we made out and I had bungled the logistics of the pull...

I texted her the following at 3 AM:

Sinn: You home yet Bratface?

She didn’t respond until around noon the next day. She’ll be Miss Newsie Hat.

Miss Newsie Hat: hahaha!

Here’s our texts leading up to the date:

S: That’s a delayed laugh ;)

MNH: Yes

S: And a very detailed text message. Is someone a little hung over?

Here I’m pacing and teasing her for giving me one word answers so far. It’s not rude just pointing it out in a funny way.

MNH: Haha. Not really. You?

S: Naw I don’t get hangovers luckily for me : ) I ate Lean Cuisine tho and regret that.

MNH: Lean cuisine?? That’s not really late night food!!! And, no hangovers?

S: I know, I’m a riddle wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in an enigma. Just don’t propose :p

This is a disqualifier as well as some callback humor. I have been proposed to by 3 different girls. I told her the stories when we met Friday night. I like anytype of disqualifer that assumes a relationship or her chasing you.

MNH: I’ll try to restrain myself!

S: I can restrain you… Actually you’d like that too much and it would probably make you more likely to propose. Curses!

Here she uses a slight sexual word, and I jump on it. But I release it in the end of the message. This is a HUGE escalation from the previous text. I like to try to go sexual as early as possible to start inoculating against last minute resistance. However you always have to release the tension before she gets creeped out.

MNH: Wow.

See here she’s a little weirded out by the escalation.

S: Wow is better with the finger puppets. You doing family stuff now or reading more twilight?

I see she’s weirded out, give a cryptic non-sequitur comment, and then ask a social question. I want to get the attention of the interaction off the sexual stuff before she starts raising objections. I also use some callback rapport as she told me the night before that she was obsessed with the Twilight book series...

MNH: What? At lunch with the fam.

S: I’ll show you the finger puppets for wow and if you’re lucky I’ll even teach you the loser song.

Now I’ve recovered I changed the focus and she goes with it. Now we’re talking about the confusing comment. I bait her with another weird sounding thing I’ll teach her.

MNH: Haha

S: Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait til next time to learn :( Gotta go do writer stuff for awhile . Call ya later…

And then I end the interaction. It’s super important to get off the phone or text conversation first. So I end it but I take the opportunity to build emotional momentum and go up the intimacy scale to the phone. It’s much easier to get a girl to come meet you on the phone than it is through text messages. Now she’s prepared for me calling and I can get her to meet up.

After that I call her a few hours later and get her voicemail. I leave a quick message telling her to try to catch me, if not I’ll try her later.

She texts me:

MNH: Did you call me?

S: Yeah I got sick of people who actually like me, so I wanted someone to keep my head from getting too big :)

This is part of what I call hate game, where instead of talking about how much you guys like each other you use hate instead…

MNH: Ha. Well I’m glad you thought of me!! My phone is jacked up, I can’t check my phone log or voicemail.

S: Wow can you throw it at people? That’s a phones real use ;)

Just a funny non-sequitur. Humor can be random…

MNH: I can’t function without my phone! I’ve had several problems with this phone!

We’re having a boring conversation about phones, so I change it with a teasing qualifer. Whenever you’re in doubt about what to do, try to qualify. Teasing qualification is the lowest form, but has the most uses.

S: Do you have funky texting thumbs?

MNH: Getting there.

A few minutes later she texts me this:

Call me when you get a chance.

I called her talked for a few minutes and set up a date for drinks the next night. Unfortunately it would not be that easy…

Stay tuned next time to see how I deal with an almost flake and the mistakes I made on the date.

Talk to ya guys soon… Real soon,



  1. Wow, Sinn talking about "dating" game (as opposed to SNL game) ... really fascinating and I look forward to hearing more.

    There are no mistakes though, just experiences ;-)

    See ya in Vegas.

  2. dude what happens if you escalate and she doesnt reply?

  3. Anonymous4:10 AM

    This is really helpful in that you break down what is going on in every message and explain why you do certain things. Awesome!

  4. J, I really enjoyed that post, and I'm not just saying that. I literally took notes while reading and I am contemplating studying them later (yes, i'm a loser, I know).

    But seriously, that was extremely helpful. Please keep posting posts like that, they are great.


  5. Anonymous6:49 PM

    In these text messages, I see a similar pattern. Your texts are long, hers are short, you're trying too hard, she's not trying at all, you're open to humor, she's not getting your humor...I'm not surprised if a) she flaked or b) she had to be won over in person. But she seems cold. Is this an illustration of what not to do? I would have qualified her more to get her chasing me a little bit. Otherwise, her perception, based solely on these texts, is that she's higher value. Hence the flake. And I know...I've made similar mistakes. That's why I usually leave girls wanting more. I think it's cool that you showed a chink in your armor Sinn, and I'm curious how this progressed.

  6. PUA! at the Disco7:48 PM

    fantastic! can't wait til the exciting conclusion. BLAMO! PLOW! KERPLUNK!

  7. Anonymous5:25 AM

    Love how you dont over inflate stories and also talk about what you did wrong.

  8. really cool!! because almost no one writes about phone and text game....I'm taking notes.

  9. Anonymous10:51 PM

    Dude that rocks, good stuff there. Some of your approach is similar to Swinggcat. You ever get told that? BTW you ever read his stuff, wdu think?

  10. Anonymous11:12 AM

    Like the other dude said, you're trying WAY too hard. Talk about lowering your value lol.