Sunday, January 11, 2009

Learn From My Mistakes-The Conclusion

Hey guys,

Welcome back to the last part of the first Learn From My Mistakes feature in the newsletter. Next week I'll be breaking down a success I had in Las Vegas that went from meet to lay in 6 minutes.

But before we get to that, when we last left off Miss Newsie Hat had just turned up at my place and we headed upstairs to "get my wallet." I grabbed the wallet and I brought her to my favorite bar in Dallas. We grabbed a seat in the corner and I made sure that she was seated next to me as opposed to across from me. This is a crucial part of escalation on dates. You can't escalate across a table.

The conversation was great and sexually charged. Here's where I made my first mistake. This is actually something I do quite frequently when my game goes wrong. I got too caught up in how much fun I was having and I missed the opportunity to take her back to my place.

Next to us was a loud obnoxious group of Dallasites. As MNH was coming back from the bathroom, the girls started saying something obnoxious. Finally one of them told her to go masterbate. We then decided to move. The move put us into a booth, but I made sure we sat on the same side. Here's where I made my next mistake.

I mismanaged the clock. She had told me earlier that she had to take her mom to the airport the next morning. I didn't suggest going back to my place until around 12:45. Because I waited too long, she had to think about it, and I encountered some resistance to the suggestion. She told me she couldn't, so I responded by saying she could only stay for 1 episode. And would be home by 1:30. I always want to hold back the false time constraint to use it to overcome objections.

On the walk to my apartment, I pushed her against the wall in the elevator and made out with her. As soon as the door opened, I walked away... I always do this. It's just a really good way to start arousal and sexual teasing. I always want to leave the girl wanting a little more. This creates room for escalation. I imagine it's like being a coquette. A tease. I control the level of escalation until the girl asks for more.

I make sure to take my time putting on an episode of It's Always Sunny. Then I sit a fair distance away from her. I always want to test to see how much she wants to touch. She moves closer to me and we start making out more. I start going up her shirt and she stops me. She tells me I'm just like every other guy... I tell her I've made no secret of the fact I want to fuck her, but if she's uncomfortable we should just stop. Here's another mistake. I forgot to inoculate last minute resistance. I have a whole theme I talk about that explains LMR in a really clever way. I didn't do this because, I was having too much fun. It also means that I didn't do enough qualification. I did a lot of telling her she's cute and adorable and sexy, but the rest of my compliments were generic. I was really attracted to this girl because I felt like she was very innocent yet naughty... It's a hot combination, and I let it throw me off. You always need solid reasons you like her besides her looks.

Finally she decides to leave and I go for one last chance. This is something that I DON"T recommend for most guys. It's very dominant and aggressive and can definitely backfire if it's done the wrong way. You also have to be super cognizant about the girl's reaction. If she's not into it , STOP immediately. What I did was grab her very firmly by the wrist, push her against the wall hard and pinned her arms behind her back while kissing her. Then I physically lifted her up and brought her into the bedroom, where we fooled around and I could not get past the panties.

Overall I made a couple of different mistakes in a few key areas. The first one was timing. There is a rhythm to social interactions, especially when it comes to escalation. I should have built less sexual tension and spent more time pushing forward. The second mistake was mismanaging the clock. I should have remembered what she had said earlier and gotten her back to my place before midnight. And lastly I had an uneven pacing to my escalation. It was unpredictable but did not have an overall upward arching trend. It also mixed a lot of different sexual fantasies with the dominance and tenderness at different times.

None of these were fatal errors though and she did end up spending the night, I just realized it wasn't gonna happen tonight. Once you get the feeling it's not going to happen, just stop. Because all you're going to do if you keep pushing it is freak her out. Then she'll stop returning calls and texts. Trust me I've probably lost girls in bed over 100 times. Don't do "freezeouts", actually stop and just cuddle her. Oftentimes you'll have sex with her in the morning.

I texted her the next day but I was heading out to Vegas for the first bootcamp of 12 Months to Mastery. Things have escalated nicely on the phone and she's planning to pick me up at the airport when I get home Monday. I'll post about what happens on our second date next week sometime.

Talk to you guys soon,



  1. Anonymous2:22 AM

    Dug this 3 part FR man.

    Lemme ask about your phone/text game after this FR leaves off, adding a hottie into your rotation (let's assume you've got a rotation and aren't just doing ONS).

    What if she starts texting you every day. Do you always reply/occasionally reply/or seldom reply? How would you handle phone calls with this girl if you just wanted to bang once a week while you're seeing other girls?

    This where I'm kinda stuck. Too many girls wanting to be my girlfriend and there's not enough info out there in the (published) dating literature on setting up and handling a rotation.

  2. Anonymous3:23 AM

    There are many useful tips in here. This post is really, really helpful.

    Thank you!

  3. Anonymous10:49 AM

    Good insights Sinn...props for not being afraid to talk about your mistakes as well as successes.

  4. Personally, I would never say 'I've made no secret of the fact that I want to fuck you...' as a response to a girl saying 'You're just like every other guy.' I'd probably just say... 'How so?' then let her explain... and then exaggerate it... 'Hmph, I guess you're right... I can't even talk to a girl without wanting to fuck her brains out.' Said so dry she can't tell if I'm being sarcastic or not.

    I don't really like showing intent with my words. Sexual framing is bad ass, but when you're at a point where you're telling a girl what you want to do (before you've had sex with her) instead of showing her... it's easy to lose her. I like to tell stories of things I would do with her... and get them far along to where she is hot and then say something like.. 'Look at how you make me think!' It's all done playfully. The serious sex talk comes when I'm in a relationship with the girl.

    I prefer to just show the girl what I want to do to her in the beginning.


  5. Anonymous1:26 PM

    Whats the point of your story?

  6. Infinity1:32 PM

    This is so weird. I had a similar thing happen to me just a few days ago. The only difference is that I don't think I'm going to want to see her again.

    It was weird how it was set up too. She wanted to spend the night with me, tore off my clothes, pretty much said that she didn't want sex but then put me in her. Then after like 10 minutes, she stopped and kind was weirded out. She said it wasn't me and she promised herself that she wouldn't do this to herself again but I knew what was up. I didn't make her feel safe enough to be with me. She thought it was going to be a one-night thing and once she makes that up in her mind, that's it.

    Trying to get a date ended up being a chore and I really don't want to fight through all of her doubts that I set up by my own mistakes. I'll take the loss. It happens to the best of us.

  7. "Don't do 'freezeouts,' actually stop and just cuddle her."

    That's probably the best advice I've seen on a guy's blog. Freezeouts backfire, cuddling brings her closer.

    Erika from