Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Men of Sex And The City-Part 4: Richard Wright

Welcome back to the blog that has it all, intrigue, danger, sex appeal, and of course references to a late 90s show of almost entirely female viewership.

Today we're going to be talking about Richard Wright and The Universal Relationship Proposition.

Back when Toecutter and I met in 2005 in Montreal, I was already a big fan of his. I'd read his archive and his book, and found his stuff infinitely more useful and intelligent than most. What I didn't realize until I met him was how much thought he puts into everything. From the food he eats, to his ideas about women. It was then that he told me two theories that I put into use in my own game and my teaching. The first was his leagues theory, I'll talk about that some other time, as it's irrelevant here. The second, was his idea that women put men into 4 major categories.

Here's the four categories briefly,paraphrased liberally from TC's much better explanation:

1. No way. This guy is "creepy", "shady" "weird", "gross","desperate" etc... This is a guy she blows off with minimal politeness.
2. Average guy. She'll be polite to this guy, but she's not attracted and wants to get away eventually to have fun.
3. The One Night Stand. This guy is attractive but only for one night. He may be outside of who she sees herself with, or she may be horny, on the rebound, etc and have lower standards.
4. The Universal Relationship Proposition. This is the guy with whom she'll accept any kind of relationship, just to be around him. She'll try for more exclusivity and commitment as this guy is someone she wants to be around. In Atlas Shrugged this is the relationship dynamic between Dagny and Rearden, D'Anconia, and Galt. Whether you believe it's the highest appreciation of your values in a member of the opposite sex or you just think girls chase guys for value. This is the guy girls chase.

The URP is also what Samantha Jones the promiscuous one on Sex And The City saw Richard Wright as. Richard is described as a very successful and charismatic man. He appears on the covers of magazine as a hotel magnate. Samantha tells him off and gets a job doing his PR. They start sleeping together and Samantha tries to keep it all to work,and sex. At first. But she finds herself wanting more and more. This is the power of unavailability. I'm not promoting being unavailable for the sake of creating more attraction, while you sit at home alone jacking it and eating pizza. Instead I'm suggesting that you actually get busy doing something that has nothing to do with picking up girls. Maybe you've always wanted to write a novel. Start writing every day. Maybe you've always wanted to learn a language or run a marathon, now's the time! The more of a life you have, the easier it is not to be needy. It's much easier to keep from calling girls too much, when your alternative option for that evening is not a night of "solo sarging". And yes, I'm telling everyone who doesn't have one to get a life!

To his credit Richard does tell Samantha he's not the monogamous type. You can tell girls you're not looking for a relationship. This is part of the power of the community to me. You don't have to pretend that you are faithful to a girl you're not faithful to. I'm a big believer in doing rather than saying, but when push comes to shove, I always tell girls I'm not looking to jump into a relationship or be monogamous. Remember lying to girls about what you want in a relationship, just to get in their pants will almost always backfire! Trust me, I used to do it :)

Richard also pulls out the moves of seduction. He pursues Samantha in a romantic way only AFTER he's slept with her. This is key, girls do like romantic things, but only AFTER they've slept with you. In the beginning it comes off needy, weak and places you int the provider frame. But once you've slept with her, you can do sweet, romantic things for girls like rooftop swimming and champagne :) Just don't do too early.

Ultimately though Richard made a mistake that many guys in the community often make. They tell girls they're monogamous and then they fuck around on the side. It's a really bad idea. First it causes drama. As someone who has had to deal with some weird annoying situations because he was dishonest about how many girls I was seeing, don't do it! You don't want to deal with broken windows, guys trying to kick your ass, girls throwing drinks on you, or in my and Richard Wright's case girls papering your neighborhood with signs that you're a player. If you tell a girl you're monogamous, you need to be monogamous. Or don't commit. It's not that hard. You just have to be honest. One of the GREATEST things I've learned in the community is that you don't have to pretend to be a girl's BF to get her in bed and keep her there. Richard doesn't do this, and Samantha walks in on him going down on another girl. They break up.

Unfortunately much like in the real world, people on Sex and The City rarely stay broken up. After Samantha throws a drink in his face,and papers his neighborhood. She takes Richard back. But she's now paranoid about Richard cheating. This why cheating is a problem. Emotional integrity,and honesty are major parts of both attraction and connection. You have to do what you say you're going to do or you break trust and you compromise your emotional integrity. After trust is broken a relationship can't stand. And so Samantha breaks up with him before she can get too badly hurt. Which is a good idea for both parties. If you see a likely situation where you might get emotionally wrecked, it's not a bad idea to get out of that situation. You don't have to go through a lot of emotional pain unnecessarily. It's not a part of the relationship cycle.

So ultimately all of the good of Richard Wright is undone by his breach of trust. That's actually a good lesson. When it comes to women, you can lie your way into their pants. You can say you're a movie producer, or a rock star, or a millionaire. You can tell women you're going to whisk them away on a vacation to the caymen islands. Or tell them you're going to be getting a house in Hibiscus Island or a Ferrari. But ultimately when you lie to women, you will eventually get caught, and you will have to deal with the consequences. Furthermore, you don't need to lie to girls to get them into bed or a variety of different kinds of relationships.

Tomorrow we'll be wrapping up with a breakdown of Mr Big. Mr Big is like the poster child for Natural Attraction, so stay tuned for that.



  1. This series is kick ass, for real.

    I got your email about the dream board and to look at it even more... take a picture of your dream board and make that your desktop background!

    Keep up the blog man, it's awesome your posting more... so much information (that's quality too).

    Later dude!

    oh and I've stopped reading community stuff (besides your blog really) and my "game" (I don't really believe in that anymore) has gone up... significantly.

  2. Anonymous6:42 PM

    Keep the realationship advice coming!! Love it....Thanks Sinn

  3. Anonymous6:46 PM

    Ryan, thats amazing!

    Well, not really...

  4. Cool anonymous #2 @6:46

    This is about me, I'm a selfish mother fucker. :)

  5. Dude this blog series is the shit! *It's currently 5:15 in the morning and I just got home from town, where I just fucked the shit out of a babe in the park!A nd it's pretty much because of your blog!!! This stuff is gold keep it coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. I like the build up to Mr. Big. I mean, Mr. Wright had so much social value without really doing anything. And it's so funny when you think about it.

    Look at how fucked up the other three guys you talked about before Rich. You actually never said anything was wrong with him. He just fucked up. And no social value or seduction skill can get you back to where things were. None.

    Let that be a lesson gentlemen. You can have it all and still have nothing if you don't know what to do. You'll end up compromising the relationship and you'll be about as good as the other guys on this show.

    I wonder how long this post about Mr. Big is going to be...