Thursday, January 15, 2009

Kobe Juggles his Balls too Early

In continuing my public trend of hating on Kobe Bryant, I'll post this sports column on the regular blog.

Last night with 12 seconds left in a 108-109 game with his team trailing the Spurs in San Antonio Kobe Bryant hit a huge 3 from the left wing. He then ruined my favorite sports dance of the last 10 years. The dance he ruined was his interpretation of Sam Cassel's big balls dance. You know the one where he cradles what would be humongous testicles.

You can watch the clip Here it's about 25 seconds in.

The problem with young master Kobe's premature celebration was that there were still 12 seconds on the clock so Derek Fisher assumed that since he fouled Chris Quinn in the final seconds the other night in Miami he could do the same to Mason. After all this is the same Fisher who once had time to catch, turn, and shoot in 0.4 seconds, as well as the same Fisher who landed ON Brent Barry last year in the final seconds. This year; no dice. He over played Mason, Mason spun, nailed a mid range J and got sent to the line for the winning points.

Then Kobe does the most cowardly disgusting thing a so called "go to guy" can do in the waning seconds. He passes out of a double team to Trevor Ariza. I'm sorry but there's no way D-Wade gives that ball up, or Lebron or Pierce. You're down one, drive against the double team and hit the mid range shot. Kobe is soo anxious to show us that he's playing the "right" way that he actually almost always ends up making a mistake. Either he shoots when he should pass or he passes when he should shoot. He needs to get it through his head that he will NEVER win most fans back, he's never going to be mentioned as anything other than the 2nd best shooting guard of all time (a horrible insult to Jerry West BTW) and he will always be feared not loved. Bill Simmons wrote years ago that he should embrace the dark side and become a bad guy. I'm not willing to go that far, but I will offer this. It's obvious Kobe doesn't care about anyone other than himself. So his selfless play is actually the ultimate form of selfishness. He's not doing it because he believes in team basketball (anyone who watched him 05-06 knows that's not true) he's not doing it because he thinks it gives him the best chance to win. No, he's playing neutered like he has this year because he thinks it's what people want to see. The worst part is that we gave him that idea and an MVP award last year.

Nothing has changed with Kobe, he's still the most petulant, angry, sociopathic athlete of the 21st century. He just has better teammates now and has realized that if he says the right things, and doesn't shoot as much people, like him more. The problem is that it suppresses the thing about Kobe that makes him special. His killer instinct. The Kobe of 05-06 calmly drains a 19 footer over the double team and then glares at teammates and Spurs alike. The thing that makes Kobe special is his unique ability to tune everything out EXCEPT the game. Specifically except the guy he's guarding and being guarded by. Kobe was the first person to play a video game in real life. Remember the 63 in 3 quarters against the Grizzlies? Or the 81 against the Raptors? He did things people only did in video games because he didn't care if his teammates stood around while he went 1 on 5 successfully. But when he gets criticized as he has been for the last few years for not winning or playing the "right" way he goes into pout mode. Like in Phoenix or Sacramento a few years ago when in deciding playoff games he took one shot in the first or second half. Now he's gotten too smart to pout so he does something even more disgusting, he passes the game winning shot to teammates unworthy of it. This is not like Lebron passing up the layup to throw the ball to Gooden in the corner. Lebron actually is an unselfish player who thinks pass before shoot. He also destroyed the Pistons with 48 very selfish and needed points in game 5 of that series. No Kobe is just trying to make a point. And he's selfish enough to lose a game to do it.


  1. Anonymous3:13 PM


    Its Ron. Gotta say though man I didn't think he would nail that three with 12 seconds left. I mean the guy almost has a perfect success rate at the end of games, its crazy.

  2. Sinn. You're full of absolute shit on this one. Kobe selfishly lost the game on purpose to prove a point?

    Remember a couple seasons ago when he put up like 5 pts against the Sacramento Kings? Ppl were saying the same thing.

    But when LBJ does the exact same thing he's being selfless?

    I gotta call you out on this one, you don't know what you're talking about: Kobe's stats are down accross the board this season because he passes ALL THE TIME, he's chilling the fuck out this season saving up for when it matters, the Playoffs. Why is he doin it (even his minutes are down)? Cuz his team is that damn good.

    The guy who hit that shot is a total unknown.. once he gets a rep for draining those clutch shots (on his way) people won't leave him so comfortable at the end of games.

    That being said, the Lakers are like, 10 for the their last 12? They're doin great, so they missed this one, get a new streak goin.

    I'm trying to figure out your insane East Coast bias... last time you dared to put KB and PP in the same sentence, where were you born? Nextdoor to Ben Affleck?

  3. Now LB flails around the last 10 mins of the game, and they lose to Chicago? Ironic.

  4. Jon it's Ron.
    No it's not - but holy shit Kobe is so clutch and passes off the game winning shot to some 2nd tier jabrony to appear more of a team-player... which doesn't work out when you see him slapping the air and calling his teammates out during other key moments in the season.

    Kobe is the black mamba. He's the anti-hero, just as Simmons said. Every time I see him in some Public Service Announcement for the NBA, I can't help but think of the two-faced alleged rapist, the fake eager-to-please personality that he's taken on since then, and ultimately, the guy who couldn't take the heat in the finals last year.

    The Lakers are doomed if Kobe keeps playing like a shmuck who juggles his balls before the fat lady has sung.

  5. Anonymous12:46 AM

    sinn wtf are you talking about first of all remember when kobe was by himself and he did take all the shots and his team barely won games yet he still scored like 81 yeah they barely made it to the playoffs and they got kicked off the first round. This year they have the best record in the NBA so uh...kinda proved your point wrong. Yes you could say that he has a better team. But you still dont see him trying to go for 40 every night. And yes sometimes superstars kick out to the open man to win games. Look up MJ to john paxson vs. the suns of the 93 finals he kics it out to him for the win. So...your full of shit.

  6. Anonymous2:51 PM

    Kobe's best days are behind him. 13 NBA years is pretty much the peaking point, after which all players who come into the league, even straight out of high school start taking a downturn statistically. That's a fact and it can be researched all the way back to players like Moses Malone.

    Also, DWade is simply a better all around basketball player than Kobe right now, but out of respect, Kobe's still given the nod as best shooting guard. Strange times.

  7. Anonymous11:48 PM

    Dude. You know absolutely nothing about real basketball. You're just finding excuses to hate on Kobe because you hate Kobe.

    If Kobe takes a shot while being double-teamed and he misses, everyone brands him as a selfish player. "Why didn't he pass to an open Trevor Ariza?!" And if he makes it, people like you would still be crying, "What a horrible shot! Trevor was open; why didn't he pass? He's so selfish!"

    It's your frame of mind to hate on the dude no matter what. Kobe is the best. Look at the level of shooting guards Michael Jordan played against. Name five guys of similar caliber as MJ that played a similar position as him while he played in his prime. Looking up names on Google? Still can't find those names, I bet. Now look at the caliber of players Kobe goes up against night in and night out. Almost every team in the NBA has a high scoring shooting guard now who are better and more physical. Kobe's better than MJ. Get over it.

  8. Anonymous10:46 AM

    LOL@Kobe being better than Michael Jordan. Dude you need to seriously stop sticking your nostrils in plates of cocaine because you're having delusions of grandeur. Seek help. You need it BADLY!

  9. Hope you didn't miss the best part.

    Roger Mason did a half-hearted, goofball imitation of Kobe's "big balls" dance after he made that huge shot. As if to say, "Yeah...whatever, Bryant." ESPN barely caught it.

    BTW, thanks for the Spurs love, man. Right on.

    Too bad we laid down two nights later for friggin' PHL.

  10. Anonymous7:53 AM

    Lakers are lookin S-C-A-R-Y good right now.... Kobe's only playing about 28mins a game or sth these days, and just chillin...

    In his own words, "I'm not even in 3rd gear yet..."