Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Vegas Tipping Point

Hey guys,

I want to talk about the Vegas Tipping Point. I'm not sure if this is an original thought or I stole it from Bill Simmons, but I believe Vegas has a shelf life of 48-72 hours. By the by I was just in vegas for 12 days. Not as bad as the several weeks I spent there back in late 05 but I digress. My cycle in Vegas goes something like this.

Thursday Night: Yeah Vegas!!!! I wanna drink, gamble, smoke cigarettes, see boobs, and eat horrible food. I also want to hit on as many girls as possible.

Friday Morning: Jesus I feel like death, oh well let's get a buffet lunch and lounge around til it's time to start drinking. Yeah Vegas!

Saturday Morning: Kill me, I can't believe I have to party for another night. Oh well I get to go home tomorrow at least.

Sunday Morning: Get me out of here so I can lay down and drink a tall glass of milk in a very dark room.

Add in the fact that I have to teach bootcamp until Sunday night and often have to stay until Mon morning and you can see why that cycle 4 times in 12 days is evil. I hit the tipping point of wanting to go home Monday morning when Entropy and Doc left. I should have gone home as well but had the genius idea to save a couple hundred bucks and stay in Vegas for 4 days rather than buy extra plane tickets. I was wrong. So very wrong. I did get a 6 minute lay with a cocktail waitress on Tues night and we made some good contacts, but I hate Vegas now. I never want to go back and I go back in 17 days...

This time though I'm flying in early Fri morning and leaving Sunday afternoon. This time I will obey the Tipping point.

My dad used to tell me Vegas was only for 24-48 hours. Now I understand why.

I really don't understand what it is, but my guess is it's a combination of lack of sleep, constant stimulation, everything bad in the world all available in one place, no nature, and 02 being pumped into you at all times.

Bad times my friends, bad times indeed.

As a final illustration of my point I'll offer Entropy's last night. We were all too tired to go clubbing, so we drank in my room instead. Myself, Priest and Entropy drank two and a half bottles of vodka and a handle of Jack Daniels. Then at 3:30 AM we decided it's a good idea to go gambling. Since I always lose at the Hard Rock where we were staying, we go to Wild Bill's across the street. I then proceed to break my "no trips to an ATM while gambling" rule lose a lot of money and drink more. We then ate nachos and potato skins. This was a "chill" night in Vegas. Entropy was still drunk when he got on a plane 3 hours later.

I stayed for 9 more days of shit like that.



  1. Comedian Dave Attel has a similar take on this as well, that after a couple days in Vegas you "kinda want to go to the zoo and see a panda." I suggest you take a trip to the red rocks and do some hiking next time you're out there.

  2. This post is one of the most value giving posts because it can actually save lives!

    That was easily the worst idea we've ever had!


  3. Anonymous3:33 PM

    haha, totally agree!

    and it's even worse in the summer times when you have those daytime drinking pool orgies all over the place.

  4. Anonymous4:17 PM

    Yeah Friday night to mid-Sunday is PLENTY enough time for Vegas. Don't forget- Sunday: the liberal application of lip balm because your lips are splitting from the dry desert air.

  5. I could not agree more.

  6. Need clarification:

    was it six minutes from meeting cocktail waitress to closing her? or six minutes after closing her?

    You know I couldn't resist ;-)

  7. Anonymous8:16 PM

    Last time I was in Vegas I got a total of 5 1/2 hours in three days. I was so drunk on the plane that the hot chick next to me talking about the reason she bailed on her wedding in Vegas was less interesting than making sure I knew where the vomit bag was located the entire time. Vegas baby. Vegas.

  8. Anonymous3:10 AM

    And you're going back in March for Mehow's Superconference :) So see you there...