Thursday, March 29, 2007

Beliefs

Beliefs are the core of inner game. What you believe and who you believe yourself to be, are the building blocks of who you convey yourself to be to women. Beliefs are dangerous. People kill for them, people die for them. They are much harder to change than ideas. Ideas are much more fluid, while making an idea a belief, makes you solidify your stance on it.

This is all important when it comes to meeting women. Having negative beliefs about yourself, and your success with women will derail your game no matter how many tactics and techniques you have. If you actually believe that you are not worthy of being with an attractive women, your mind will do anything that it can to sabotage you. No matter how much you want it. Because beliefs adn desires are not necessarily in line. You can have all the desire in the world to get better at this, but if you don't believe that you have the ability to get better at this, you are right.

There was a great NIKE comercial a few years ago that had a high school football scene and ended with a voice over saying " The man who says he can and the man who says he can't are both right. Which one are you?" That's the essence of belief and confidence.

Beliefs do not necessarily have to be true to be beneficial. For example Mystery constantly talks about how he can go 5 for 5. He can't. No one can. And this is no slight at Erik's game as he is amazing in field. However it is an impossibility to be able to get any girl you approach. There are so many variables that are outside of the control of a PUA. She could get back together with her BF, she could be leaving tomor back to somewhere half way across the world, she could be happily married when you approach. So there is no way that anyone can guarantee that they can go 5 for 5 EVERY time. Sometimes I have gone 5 for 5, but it is not something that happens all the time for anyone including celebrities.

That said, the belief that he can go 5F5 helps his inner game and confidence, as he has actually convinced himself that he can go 5F5. Craig from DYD has a similar belief, that it's always on. This can be directly contradicted by reality, like the time in vegas he had a girl throw a drink on him and then was making out with her later... His belief led him to staying in the set even when all the information he had screamed to contrary. But these beliefs, despite being incorrect are helpful.

The same thing works in reverse, if you have a great skillset, but you think that every set is going to be mean to you, or that every girl will flake, or that you will be rejected, you are well on your way to that outcome. This goes beyond teh power of positive thinking and encompasses so much of your internal talk.

You need to instantly become aware of negative beliefs.

What beliefs are you holding onto that may not be helpful?

David D in his "On being a Man" program talks about the reason you are not successful. And how everyone has something that they use to comfort themselves for being unsuccessful with women. The reasons can vary from being too short, too old, not cool enough, too much of a dork, too ugly, too poor... etc. But we hold onto these excuses, when really NONE of that matters for attracting and dating the women you are attracted to. Yes you do need to be well-groomed and maximizing your ptential, which is why i spend the last day of bootcamp doing fashion/style analysises and telling the guys what i think they should be trying to convey physically, but there are no barriers based on age or anything like that. In fact David D suggests using the reason as a flase disqualifier. Like "It would never work out between us, because I'm short and overcompensate by acting arrogant and you are ...."

You also cannot prove most beliefs about yourself. For example, if I want to convince myself that i am unsuccessful with women, I can look at a lot of incidents that happened before I was in the community. But if I want to believe I am successful with women, I ca find a lot of evidence for that too... So there is no reality, it's simply the version fo reality that is most helpful for us to achieve our goals. Beliefs can be used to make life better or worse.

I'd like everyone to take some time now and write down 10 reasons that you think you are unsuccessful with women, and then write down.

A: How can I change this?
B: Has there been a time when this isn't true?
C: What would life be like if this wasn't true.

Actually do this...

I'll wait.....................................................................................................................................................................................


Ok back, isn't it interesting that there have been times when all of those beliefs have been FALSE, and you have succeeded, or at least had a good interaction. That means that it is possible and the only things limiting you are inside your head.

Thoughts can be like viruses and we can get caught up in the idea that we are some how less than we need to be, when in fact we are all we need to be and more... We just need to convince ourselves.

The most important sticking points that you will ever have to fight with, are internal. And the first step to fixing your beliefs is recognizing which negative beliefs you have and then working on them.

S

14 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:54 PM

    If you want a good example watch Vince Vaughn in Swingers vs. Mikey

    Trent's beliefs make it "on"

    Who's the big winner?
    Sinn's the big winner tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous5:09 PM

    Thank you

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  3. Anonymous5:51 PM

    amazing post, thanks for this...I did the exercise:)

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  4. aah u got me to do the exercise, even though i wasnt going to until i saw ur im waiting .....thing

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  5. Anonymous8:33 PM

    Does anyone know what his 545 challenge really means in detail?

    Does it mean just getting 5 girls' numbers, or does it mean sleeping with all 5 girls within the same week?

    Obviously you haven't challenged mystery to know whether he can really pull it off in a real challenge. All because he's failed to get a girl before doenst mean that he cant do it in the 545 challenge.

    And you obviously backed down to challenging Mehow too because it was gonna be recorded for the public. Not trying to be a dick, but its completely true.

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  6. Anonymous8:40 PM

    -another question is
    "what do I gain from holding onto
    a negative belief"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Candyman9:40 PM

    Awesome post, even when you're familiar with the concepts

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sinn,

    I know I probably shouldn't be leaving a comment on your blog but this post and others like it and the inspirations for them are the reasons why I like you, The Mystery Method, and the community so much. This is the sort of thing that interests me most and want to read on your blog.

    These concepts not only help guys get better with women but they help guys get better. PERIOD.

    I've been working on core beliefs and changing negative beliefs myself, since I've moved to L.A. It's a long process but worth all the effort. Two resources I've used:

    1) "Cognitive Therapy for Chronic Pain" by Beverly E. Thorn [Don't let the title fool you it's all about core beliefs]

    2) "Mind over Mood" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky.

    I'm posting this in hopes it helps someone, anyone, because I believe (much as you do) if it helps just one person it's worth it.

    Much respect,
    Ana

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  9. Anonymous11:45 AM

    Wow thanks Sinn, I felt an emotional shift inside me.

    D

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  10. hey jon, great material bro, your posts help even the seasoned veterans.

    since we met in austin with my cousin, i've really taken my game to levels i never thought possible, if you remember, the simply advice you gave about not "leaning in" has worked like f-ing magic.

    plus, ive really worked hard on identity, its so money, if there is one thing that would help anyone getting better is identity, i've helped so many of my friends get out of the acting like someone there not, women, real women at least smell that shit out a mile away.

    anyhoot, hope to catch up someday. i've been looking at a real estate deal in long beach, maybe ill drop you a line and if your around, we'll shoot the shit about life, women, and of course my favorite, money! my cousins says what up as well, crazy Greeks out!

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  11. Anonymous4:10 PM

    I actually found this post to be a little negative - not your fault, because it was posted with the best of intentions.

    If a man actually believes he can do something, he can do it. If Mystery firmly believes he can do something, then he can do it. This is not mental masturbation. If you think it's "not realistically possible," then it's not a belief.

    Why root your beliefs in reality? Root them in your own strength. It's not that their unrealistic, its that you don't believe in yourself enough.

    And considering the recent rift between you guys and Mystery, I'm tired of hearing little digs masquerading as analysis. I'm sure it's nothing against Mystery, it's just that it's a little suspicious when you, Future, Savoy keep using him as an example on how "he's always on an endless loop," "how far we've changed since then," and how "his beliefs are unrealistic."

    Every man knows in the midnight of his heart what he is truly capable of. Don't tell me what other people can and cannot do.

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  12. smoothlatinkid4:13 PM

    Best. Fucking. Post. EVER.

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  13. Anonymous, beliefs should be unrealistic, 1. if your sad all the time, what is wrong w/ starting a new belief saying "I am the happiest person in the world"
    2. David d. said the most successful people he knows are the ones who live with "unrealistic" beliefs, and the people w/ "realistic beliefs" are the people who are considering suicide
    i am not posting this to argue, thats just my outlook on it

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  14. Anonymous7:50 AM

    Two questions you will ask yourself when people in high positions that make claims that seem out of the ordinary.

    You ask yourself

    "have I seen evidence of this?"

    "have other people I know and trust
    seen evidence of this?"

    "if the evidence was put forth by the claimee, then was the evidence manufactured?"

    that's all.

    Simple huh?

    ReplyDelete