Monday, December 31, 2007

Revealations from the Nepali Coast

Or how I found salvation with a lot of help from Tyler Durden and the

Nepali coast.

" Don't think of it as fun" he said. "Think of it like an East African

initiation ritual where they circumcize you with no anesthetic". The voice

on the other end of the cell phone was TD. He was at a sporting good store

picking up backpacks, tents and flashlights for our trip to Kaua'i.

I had come out to Hawaii to teach a bootcamp, and then get my mind right.

I had to know why with all the things I had accomplished, at the end of the

day I felt empty.

The bootcamp had ended and TD and I had hiked up a trail in Honolulu, it

was one of the better hikes I had ever been on. We talked about a lot of

things. Especially the future. I had been saying for a LONG time that I was

going to retire in May. Once the dust from the lawsuit settled and I wasn't

letting Savoy down. I planned to be out. I fantasized about becoming a

cabin boy on a cruise ship, or a firefighter. Anything to get away from the

responsibility of being a figurehead. Anything to escape the world of tactical


Talking to TD I started to realize something, I was running away from

something that was a part of me. It wasn't an accident that I ended up where

I am. I worked for it I strove for it. It's something I wanted for a long time.

And like everyone who gets what they want, I wanted more. I had become a

victim of my own success. And no amount of notches on my bedpost were

going to change that. I realized that the only thing tangible and meaningful

is helping others.

It became crystal clear to me as I lay on the beach in Kaua'i. Freezing in

my tent. Sore from hiking over 11 miles that day over the most treacherous

terrain I had ever seen. The most amazing thing about the hike, was the fact

that EVERYTHING had gone our way. It was supposed to rain. It didn't, it

was supposed to get dark well before we hit the end of our journey, it didn't.

TD did the entire hike on no sleep as we had to get up @ 5:30 to catch a

flight from Honolulu. I got an hour and a half. I had joked before the walk

that god owed me, I guess we're even now.

The craziest thing about the entire walk was the way I felt as we were doing

it. TD suggested a little mind game of trying to hate someone as we were

walking across the open face part of the rock that had no vegetation on the

side. You have to see it to believe it but it was 12 inches of snaking path

overlooking a unimaginably far fall to the rocks and sea below. I couldn't

even think for a second about anything other than the moment. It was the

ultimate in state, and presence. I felt so connected and in love with life, the universe and everything in it. I realized we're all connected on some level, even if it's just the level of being humans.

We ran into a bunch of other hikers as the day ran on and they offered a

litany of different advice. The goat man and woman( Who were both in WAY

better shape than us despite being 60) told us they knew people who hiked

the entire trail in 2 hours... in the dark. The dude with an altitude meter and

speed poles told it would get easier (It didn't). The two stoners at the creek told us

we would make it for sure. We chose to believe the stoners. Through it all,

TD, myself and his GF stayed completely positive. We supported each other,

we looked out for each other. We called out where the slippery parts were

and what to hold onto. We never talked about the fact that our legs were

rubbed raw or the ever dwindling day light. And we ultimately made it the

entire 11 miles to the beach.

We passed a hippie compound as we finally hit the beach. They were a

caricature of hippiedom as they told us about the mystical healing powers of

the water. We joked the next two days that we should have asked them what

they knew about the now and gone all Eckhart Tolle on that ass.

Unfortunately it got dark before we had a chance to assemble our 30 dollar

tents and our dehydrated sponges of a brain took about an hour to figure it

out in the dark ( Actually TD figured it all out, I was pretty useless other

than driving in stakes). Then we sat on the beach under the make shift

campfire of the mini mag lite and talked about life. We talked about getting

past anger, adding value and teaching. It reminded me that even though I

didn't get in this to be a figurehead or a guru or whatever the fuck some

people seem to see me as, I am one now. And I'm not the same guy I was 3

years ago. That's why you won't be seeing anymore LRs here. I've posted

30-40 over the last year and I think it's time that I moved past the egoic

concern of convincing people I get laid, and onto the real value I can add.

Teaching. We finally got rained on and retreated to our tents. As I lay there

listening to the rain drop on the tent, exhausted, laying on the hard sand I

felt something that had been missing in my life for a long time. Pure joy.

The joy that comes from proving something to yourself and from

understanding that everything is going to be allright.

I had majorly weird dreams and woke up a couple times. Finally I woke the

others and we went to a waterfall to purify water. We pounded our Lebrada

lean shakes and got another 32 onces of water in before we hit the walk I had

been dreading since waking up.

We actually ended up scaling a mountain monkey style only to realize that

we were on top of an eff'in cliff with no way down. But we never freaked out.

We found the trail and kept on hiking. Our knees and ankles creaking, our

bodies pushed to the max, but we marched on. And on, and on. Even past

the point that I thought of quitting, past the point I thought I couldn't walk

another step. We all reached inside and found an inner core of strength we

never even knew we had. It made me realize that a ton of the limits we place

on ourselves are complete and utter bullshit. It's not a series of events that

defeats us, but our surrender to the events. You can always fight on. And

fight on we did. Even when TD's GF's knee went out on the last quarter

mile. We waited and finished together. And when we all walked down to the

car there was a feeling of elation that I don't have words to describe. I've

never been as happy as I was those two days hiking through the Incredibly

beautiful and varied terrain. It may very well have been the best two days of

my life.

And as I sit here writing this, swollen, in pain, riddled with bug bites the

size of quarters. I feel a strange new sense of calm and confidence. Like no

matter what life throws at me, I can handle it.

I went to Hawaii to get my shit together. It was there I decided to quit

drinking for 6 months, to stop smoking cigarettes and to kick the chronic

habit(after my trip to Amsterdam of course). It was there that I got to talk to

the one person in the world who understands the situation I'm in now, cause

he's been there. I've often said that Jlaix was the person I most related to in

the community, but after this trip I see that it's really TD. Talking to him

really helped me make sense of all the noise in my mind. We talked about

the pressure of stepping up and defining yourself through your teaching, we

talked about moving away from unhealthy mentors and the mental remnants

we both had to deal with. I cannot express enough gratitude to him for the

help, the conversation, the encouragement, the idea to hike and the hike

itself. I can't imagine respecting someone more than I respect him after this

trip. He's a changed man and the only guru I've ever met who actually

became an adult. I hope to have his level of inner strength and maturity


So what's next? As I sit in the Phoenix airport, I am rededicated to teaching

in a way I've never been before. I want to share the knowledge I've gathered

and enrich others lives in the way mine has been enriched. I don't want to

just teach guys to get laid anymore, I want to teach men and women to live

an empowered life on the edge. Constantly challenging yourself and your

perceptions of what you are capable of. I never thought I was the type of guy

to do this hike. My previous experience with camping, was staying at motel

6. I had never been tested or pushed to my physical limits to see how much I

could take before quitting and I've never been more in the now... That's

what I want to share now. The ability and motivation to push yourself to

your edge and keep pushing. Never surrender. Never give up, never lose

hope. That's what life is about. Over the next few months, I have some

HUGE plans. I scribbled pages and pages of notes for new ways to teach

and learn. New missions, new ephiphany provoking thoughts, and I will

share them all with all of you guys here and in person. 2008 is going to be


I'll leave you guys with a quote from one of my favorite songs, one that I

never really understood until now;

Let no tears to fall from none of y'all
Just remember it all, the beauty as well as the flaws
Here lies Sean, finally free
And as I look across the sea I smile at the sun
While it feeds the weeds the nutrition they need
The people still breathe, the city still bleeds
I'm going to love it to death and keep planting my seeds
I'm going to love it to death and keep an eye on the seeds
I'll be in love till im dead, I keep reaching the seeds
I'll give all I got left just to teach you to read
Love life to the death and keep planting my seeds
And when the soul begins to reap, I think she'll know me from the sleep
I keep caught in the corner of my bloodshot eyes
And if she has the nerve, to let me dump a couple last words
I'm gonna turn to the earth and scream (Love your life)


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Changes and Thanks

Wow, so much has happened since I've been out in Hawaii.

I'm gonna write a huge post when I leave in a few days, but I want to first thank everybody who reads my blog and has taken programs with me. For a really long time I didn't appreciate how much I like helping you guys out. It's only been since I've been here talking to TD that I started to understand that the only thing in the world that is actually worthwhile, is adding value and helping others.

I feel like I've had a bunch of huge revelations since I've been here. In fact I feel rededicated. For the last few months I had been telling people I was going to retire in May. Now I see longevity in this, and I have a whole new paradigm for teaching.

Stay tuned


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Who do you want to be?

We are all works in progress, so I think it's very important to periodically define what characteristics you want to be defined by.

So I made a list of characteristics I want to eventually embody. I also made a list of things to work on daily and long term in devloping or maintaining these characteristics.

1. Smart
2. Adventurous
3. Creative
4. Funny
5. Loyal
6. Honest
7. Hard-working
8. Open Minded
9. Happy
10. Disciplined
11. Healthy
12. Emotionally open
13. Diplomatic
14. Energetic
15. Passionate
16. Brave
17. Optimistic
18. Challenging
19. Lover of women
20. Charming
22.Good Friend
23. Educated
24. Trustworthy
25. In control of myself and situations
26. Rich
27. Artistic
28. Fun
29. Sexually adventurous
30. Humble
31. Classy
32. At peace
33. Clam and Relaxed
34. a non procrastinator
35. Clean and organized
36. Opinionated
37. Controlled drinker
38. Sophisticated
39. Immune to social pressure

I started off planning on writing a 10 point list, but almost ended up with 40. I highly recommend that everyone does this. It will give you something to work on and towards. That way you have a picture of the man you ultimately want to be to work on, or to hold yourself accountable when you fall down.


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Be proactive!

I've been scanning the boards lately and almost every post is begging for help without actually going out and trying anything!

If you are ever going to get good at this stuff, you are going to have to rely mostly on yourself. Everything is a choice and you are constantly going backwards or forward. You can choose to stay home because you don't have anybody to go out with, or you can go out alone. You can try to get a phone number from every set even when they don't seem to be going well, or you can eject and feel good about approaching. You can call the numbers you get or you can avoid doing so.In the end you need to push yourself.

Bootcamps are an amazing kick start because you see what the final puzzle looks like from watching instructors, you get a great handle on whta you need to be working on, and you get out there and start approaching. But the bootcamp is useless unless you continue to follow up hard. At the end of the day you can get laid both nights of bootcamp, but if you stop going out, you will stop learning.

You have to discipline yourself. I make to do lists before I go out. On them I put the things I want to do and avoid doing. Then when I hit the bars, I just go down my list.

Open set before I order a drink- Check
Don't eject until you've tried to qualify- Check
Approach the hottest sets in the venue-Check
Approach at least 1 mixed set- Check
Try to move every set- Check
Push sexual frames- Check
Number close 25 mins in-Check
No more than 4 drinks- Check
Seed bounces- Check

That's all I'm thinking about, I don't focus on routines or what to say or whatever. Instead I just go down my list. I proactively police myself to make the right choices. The thing with discipline is, it's one thing to know what you want to do. It's quite another to actually do it. I know personally I've planned to go out and do approaches only to sit around drinking. You have to know what your intent is for going out. If you're going out to drink, drink. If you're going out to game, game. But make sure you know what you're doing and you act congruently to the goals you have.