Response to a comment

So I never respond to blog comments, strictly as a time management issue.

But self described polyamorist Erika left a comment that I thought needed a reply.

Here’s the comment to my post on retaining fuck buddies.

Erika wrote :


“Sadly, there are way too many girls who will hang around for a year, 18 months, two years, five years ... and then you'll see their unhappiness become HUGE. A girl who knows what she's doing will bail as soon as she feels annoyed. Then it never actually reaches the level of true unhappiness, and she can move on with her life with dignity.

I like your honesty, Sinn, but I'd like it even more if instead of avoiding the conversation, etc., you said flat out, this is NEVER going to be a long-term committed relationship and you (girl) need to know that.”


So the reason why I no longer tell girls that there will NEVER be a chance of a long term committed relationship, is because it’s extremely mean and it doesn’t work. It forces a girl into a win/lose situation where she has to decide if she even wants a long term relationship with me. As opposed to allowing things to develop at her pace...

It also can be extremely hurtful, and like an ultimatum, girls can make emotional decisions and then decide they aren’t ok with the situation later, at which point we’re back to where we started… Trust me I've dated a lot of girls who were "ok" with the fact we were just hooking up until two or three weeks later.

It’s also simply too limiting. While I’m certainly not looking for a long term or committed relationship, I do sometimes end up in them for a few weeks or months because it feels right at the time.

Bottom line is I never like to say never.

S