I am sooo happy this week is almost over... It's been intense.
My car got impounded the other day, I cracked my Iphone screen and more. At least it's now Friday and after I finish this post I get to go shopping, and do some day game...
But before I get to go have fun I need to wrap this series up.
We already talked the last two days about scheduling, honesty and expectations.
We're going to conclude today with handling the DTR (Define the Relationship) conversation.
IME the DTR conversation will come up a couple of times. It first comes up around the 3 month mark, resurfaces at around a year and then becomes extremely serious at the 18 month mark. Your patterns may vary but for me the above is like the rising of the sun, death and taxes...
So being that this blog is about my experiences I'm going to give you the three types of DTR convos and what to do with each of them.
The first one is generally the least serious. Guys who are seeing 7 girls have not been seeing all 7 of them for more than 3 months...
This one will start innocuously with the girl making a joke and then asking " What are we?", or " Are you sleeping with other girls?"
Avoiding this first conversation is a good bet. I'll often purposely misinterrpret the question and try to side step it. By saying something like:
or " No I usually kick then out after. You're the only one who gets to stay over (smile)"
This will work about half the time. But it's really only a stall.
If she wants to seriously discuss the topic I will always say something like this
" We've only known each other X amount of months. And I really, really like you as a person. I'm super happy we hang out and I love talking to you. But I'm not really in a place where I can date anyone exclusively right now. So if that's something you're uncomfortable with,I totally understand that, and I really hope we can stay friends."
If a girl really likes you and is comfortable with that arrangement she'll stay. If not she won't.
Now the next one at around the year mark is a little more intense. Now it's been awhile and the girl might be questioning whether she's wasting her time with you.
IME this is the talk where you really have to be honest and let her know what's going on.
Be honest but not angry.
You don't want to give her ultimatiums, or make her feel like you don't care if she's in your life or not.
Instead you want to make sure that you don't lead her on with the fantasy of a relationship (Because let's be honest if it was going to happen, it would have within a year) but frame what you have as fun and non commital, until someone comes along that's better for her. Also emphasize ( If it's true) that you want her in your life in some capacity, but you want her to be comfortable with it.
Last one, the 18 month mark... This one is basically commit or lose the girl. IME girls are not going to hang around for two years with NO commitment from you. At this point you have to make a decision about whether or not you actually see yourself in a committed relationship with her. If you do, then tell her you want to be exclusive. If you don't tell her you just want to be friends.
You can stall the 18 month convo but it's only going to get worse for both of you.
That wraps up F**k buddies, have a great weekend.