Long time blog readers may remember the Kurgen. He's helped me out on a few bootcamps and been featured in a few FRs etc..
But I don't think I've ever shared his inspirational story. He was a guy Fastlife and I used to go out with down in Orange County. Actually we didn't so much go out with him, as run into him at first. And at first he was hopeless. Let me tell you guys a little about him. When we met him 4 or 5 years ago he was 42, he also works full time as a teacher. And he's an Asian guy who was interested in non Asian women. I'm not here to argue about race or morality, instead I'll just say that there are whole methods based on teaching Asian men to meet non Asian women because of a percieved stigma. So the Kurgen didn't have a lot of raw material to work with to attract the twenty somethings we saw him approaching EVERY week. But as cheesy as it sounds the Kurgen had something more important than natural talents and advantages. He had a burning desire to get better. He went out every night and always approached tons of girls. He would open anything and keep plowing until the girls walked away. But he wasn't getting better.
Six months later he still wasn't improving. Even though Fastlife and I had given him a fair amount of advice. He never seemed to take it.
It's funny because Fastlife and I had MULTIPLE conversations about how he would NEVER get better.
But one night I was wandering around one of the super hot trendy venues in Orange county when low and behold there's Kurgen. And he's actually teasing girls and touching, and doing all the things Fastlife and I had been telling him for almost a year. Then it seemed like he got better EVERY time we saw him. He actually ended up getting really good. In fact I'd say he has some of the tightest,attraction game I've ever seen. It's amazing to watch him go into sets with girls twenty years younger than him and have them eating out of my hand. Along the way I found the Kurgen to have an encyclopedic knowledge of game that even rivals my own. In fact he's one of the guys editing the LR book as we speak.
So I was talking to Kurgen the other day and he told me about something he called Kurgen's wager. I thought it was a great iner game concept and asked him to write up an article to share with you guys.
For more info on Kurgen Check out www.Datinginyourforties.com
Your Beliefs And Game
By The Kurgan
I’ve been in the community for over 4 years, and the single element that made all the difference in the world in pick up was my beliefs. It was when I believed I was good, I got good. I’ve talked to Sinn, Future, CJ, and El Topo about this very topic and they all seemed to agree.
Beliefs are one of the most important concepts you need to understand in order to get really hot women.
I’m going to talk about the key to pick up and it’s beliefs. You must have the right beliefs in place before (or during) you start gaming girls. Your beliefs are the foundations of which you are going to be building “frames” around the girl. So, it is both a psychological and a tactical element to pick up.
Here’s the simple truth about a belief: A Belief Is Only A Focus Of Attention.
That’s it. Think about it: The belief in yourself as super successful with hot girls, is merely a focus of attention.
Your entire “being” is based on your beliefs about you. No one but “you” has ever agreed about the things you believe about yourself-- except you. Yes, people of authority in your life told you things about you, but you chose to believe it.
If you have strong negative beliefs, it will externally be reflected through you’re attitude, body language, and voice tone.
Internal and External Beliefs
A Belief has an internal and an external mental component. Your belief mentally, that is, inner psychology, projects out to the young women you game (external states). External states affect the girls you game through confidence, body language, and voice tone.
In a way, beliefs are fused with frames upon frames that fuel your meta-frame. You need to understand this. That’s why I’m saying that the internal states will dictate the external subcommunication you give off to the world all the time.
If you get the internal states mastered and you use the tactical strategies regarding opening, manufacturing attraction, connection, and seduction, in addition to creating a cool life style, you are going to be masterful at having beautiful girls waltzing into your life!
(You ever think about how “Bad” you are with girls after a night of sarging? Think about it in the negative fuels the very reason girls won’t like you. You are internalizing the very belief that is counter to your cause of gaming girls.)
That’s because your beliefs about yourself and about your ability to attract and date women is dependant on your beliefs.
Internalize this. This is important: Whatever you believe, with feeling, even if it’s contrary to fact, will become your reality.
Your mind has a tendency to only focus on one thing at a time. If you have a belief, whether it is a positive or negative, then you will start to see evidence in your life that will re-enforce those beliefs. In other words, your mind filters out information that contradicts a belief.
It’s really fascinating and almost bizarre, but simple and true—hence your internal beliefs actually control your reality.
Let me give you an example you can understand.
Last year, I bought a Nissan Altima. Before that I had a convertible roadster. Well, my old car, the convertible, I had seen other models of my same car everywhere, on the road. I saw them at the signal, on the freeway, in the parking lot. I saw them everywhere. I knew the model year of that car just from looking at the rims or paint job.
During that time, I never really focused on Altimas.
Well, guess what happened when I started to drive my new Altima? Yes, you guessed it. I saw them everywhere. That’s what I mean when I say that a human mind can focus on one thing. This is the same phenomenon that occurs when you have a belief.
The crucial point here is that a belief will give you your reality whether it’s true or not.
So, the key here is in you. You decide what to believe in your life. So, whatever belief you have about your ability with women, young or old, you have picked up sometime in your past and you have filtered and found evidence throughout your life to make it true This has helped you form your current beliefs.
Well the so called “evidence” was only because you focused on the negative belief(s). You actually filtered out the positive evidence that women were interested in you, but you didn’t focus on it, so you never saw it!!!
Now, don’t beat yourself up here. It’s just that all this knowledge is just coming out now because of the internet.
I know for a fact that this type of knowledge has been around for centuries. I have a background in philosophy but these philosophers never told it in a “practical” way.
So, whether or not you believe you’re good with women, it just doesn’t matter in terms of whether it’s true or not. The world doesn’t care. Remember, the same person can be good with women or bad with women. It’s just based on your beliefs. It’s that simple.
It’s a personal choice because you control what goes on in your head. In other words, because a belief doesn’t have to reflect a basic reality, it doesn’t matter if you are “bad” with young women or “good” with women, because it is just a matter of free will or choice.
Now, if you choose to believe you are good with girls, the “frames” you build will work on your target. So, believe in yourself.
One of my good friend and teacher once told me, “you only have a shortcoming if you believe you have one.
The Law of Belief: What ever you believe in, irrespective of whether or not the belief is true:--it, the belief, will come true.
So, if you believe in some belief (about yourself) that is a good belief, contrary to fact--but you believe it: by virtue of the law of belief, it will come true.
Hence your beliefs are at the core of your frame(s): the person with the stronger frame will absorb the weaker frame. Therefore, your belief can be based on a belief contrary to fact, but if you believe in yourself—it will become your reality.
Negative beliefs are the bases of all human suffering. It’s not just about getting that hot 21 year old at the local bar that we are talking about here. Negative beliefs can make you always see the negative in everything. Don’t do that.
But, in attracting and dating young women, you must take the negative beliefs and remove them from your mind, forever. It can be done. The human mind can substitute a negative thought with a positive one super easy. But you have to be mindful here and be aware when you have these negative thoughts. By the way, a belief or frame creates a thought, which creates a behavior and world views.
Your mental states are the most important factor in attracting and dating young girls. Like I explained before, winning girls over is an attraction process for women, which is based on your personality rather than looks or money. We have to be internally strong (personality) when we want to attract women in general.
The 100% problem men have is that they think in the man’s “frame” that women would be attracted to the same things as a man, that is, looks; men think that women are attracted to looks and wealth only.
This is a fatal mistake. Sadly, most men will spend the rest of their lives making the mistake of pursuing wealth to compensate for “looks.” They will spend the most productive part of their lives on pursuing money, cars, and homes, and never invest in their personalities. Sad.
So, for us men, we are attracted to a women’s looks first. The inner part of the women is not as important to a man, at least not initially.
So, men think that this works for women as well. Most men think that women only go for the good looking “Brad Pitt” type guys. A guy thinks it’s all about looks and money. Well, like I said before, I know guys that are actually ugly that get 8s, 9s, and 10s because they have such a confident, funny, and cool personality: a “stand up guy.”
I know of another guy who is super good looking, blonde, and tall, but he has no confidence and he gets dates initially, but the women can figure out he’s has innergame issues and is a “wimp.” So they “run for the hills.” He hardly gets second or third dates. It’s sad.
I know this other guy who makes “x” million dollars a year, good looking, but he has no game, because internally, there’s something “going on.”
Remember, a guy’s attractiveness to a women is from the inside out, not the outside in. Outside means cars, wealth, looks, height, and so on. You now get the picture. Duh. Simple but profound.
50 To 60 Thousand Thoughts Per Day
The Human mind has 50 to 60 thousand thoughts a day. The vast majority of these thoughts have already been established because someone of authority in your childhood and beyond gave you these thoughts about yourself that you chose to accept.
Those 50 to 60 THOUSAND THOUGHTS ARE 50 TO 60 THOUSAND NEGATIVE AFFIRMATIONS A DAY.
Most people have negative thoughts. These thoughts set off your emotions. Hence your emotions are subordinate to your thoughts. Your emotions determine your “state” or more importantly your being.
Much of these thoughts are your beliefs. This is why it’s so important that you get the negative thoughts out of your head.
Your thought processes cycle through your mind and builds momentum over time. Think about the thoughts of your thoughts of your thoughts of your thoughts of your focus in your mind that are your belief(s). If they are negative, they take on a mind of their own.
That’s 50 to 60 thousands thoughts a day that have enormous consequences in your life--because in your life, all causation is mental. Thoughts control your world. Thoughts control your emotional states. Thoughts based on your beliefs controls your emotions. Your emotions control your behavior. Your behavior controls how other people perceive you.
That explains why beliefs are so powerful. You have to “commandeer” those negatives thoughts and replace them with positive ones. It can be done with diligence.
Mind Flash: Important Safety Tip
When I first decided to get good with younger girls, I thought that my best friend of over 20 years would be an ideal “wing-man.” I told him that I decided to “get good” with women and if he wanted to learn gaming girls with me.
Well, he went out of his way to “bag” on me on how stupid it was. When I started to get success with women, he said the girls I was getting we “ugly” even though they were not. It was unbelievable.
There’s a concept called the “referent group.” What this concept means is that the people you hang out with can influence you tremendously. They are like living belief systems that can sabotage your efforts. Other people’s thoughts can actually be more powerful in influencing you than your own thoughts.
People don’t like you to rise above them, even if they are your friends or family. In fact, what I’ve found is that friends and family do the greatest damage, and there is a body of evidence to support this. It’s sad but true.
Hence don’t let other people affect your belief or belief system by not telling them what you are doing. If you must tell them, tell them after you have 5 hot twenty-something girlfriends in a row and they ask you for your secret. (Send them to my webpage! www.datinginyourforties.com)
Be your own person and don’t let what other people determine or undermine your pursuits. Remember, it’s your life, not theirs.
If you approach 3 women in a row and you get “blown out” or rejected, you might give up. You have to have an unstoppable belief that you are good with girls or it’s over before you start.
Ideally, you are working on your inner psychology, skill set, and life-style at the same time. Trust me, it all will come together. But stay with it. ”
This is where it all begins. We are gong to get those bad beliefs the hell out.
You must think this: The more I believe in myself, the more I become the person I believe in.
Remember here that the “Map Is Not The Territory.” If you remember this, no matter how bad you think you are with young women in the beginning of your journey, it just doesn’t matter. The person (you) with the strongest belief system--which you will develop anyway over time--(that you are a master with women) holds the most influence over others with weaker belief systems (the girls who inherently have weaker belief systems).
A belief doesn’t have to be real to work because of frames.
Again, I’m not saying that if you believe you can fly that you can grow feathers and fly to Paris so you can game French girls. No, I’m talking about the reality in your head. Like thinking your awesome with girls or that you suck with girls. I’m talking about that section between your ears ok!
This may be shocking, but a lot of your beliefs are not based on reality, but you’re mind has accepted these beliefs and they are making you behave in a manner that messes you up with women or anything else in your life.
Look, if you really want to know the secret to attracting women it’s this: If you believe you’re good with women, women will feel it, then they will believe it because your belief will fuel you frame(s). It’s just that simple.
There is a psychological concept called cognitive dissonance. It states that cognitive dissonance is the filtering of information that conflicts with what one already believes, in an effort to ignore that information to reinforce one’s untrue beliefs.
What this means is that we filter out evidence that contradicts a bad belief. So, your belief that you are “not good with girls” is not real. You have the potential to learn how to be a “star” with hot young women because you are already good right now.
So, when you go up to a woman and you open her, you must have the following belief: you have the right to talk to her; she will find you attractive; she is hitting on you.
Guess what? She is going to test those beliefs by testing your “frame.” If your belief is strong enough, your “map” will absorb her weaker “map.” There never has to be evidence to the contrary for people to fall into your “frame.”
In other words, she will fall into your “frame.” That’s how you will get her attracted to you and that’s how you are going to date her.
When it comes to gaming girls, your beliefs don’t matter whether they reflect a basic reality or not. If you believe you are good, and you believe it strongly, women will believe you. It’s kind of like what Sinn says: it’s like believing in your own “bullshit.” If you believe anything with a rock solid belief, people will agree with you. They will fall into your “frame.”
But, remember that a frame operates under the assumption that you have a strong belief. Now, you can have just a strong “frame” and if you do it right, you will still get the girl. But that is super hard to do. It’s just easier to believe it right away.
This is why it doesn’t matter if you’re good looking or have money or you don’t have height. It matters to a degree, but not as much as you would think.
If you have a strong belief that you’re good with young girls, and you’re good at controlling the frame, you will get the girls.
You see, religious leaders, politicians, charlatans, con men, cult leaders all know this. Basically, this stuff can be used to manipulate people. If you really think about it, this belief essay is the engine that runs religion.
It’s not the content but the structure.
Think about it. How could people sway other people to believe in something that cannot be empirically verified? It’s based on a belief in faith that another flawed human being is telling you to believe in. And here is the “rub:”
The word “belief “ is synonymous to “faith.”
Remember here, to help you believe that you are good with women: a belief is only a focus of attention and that belief will find evidence in your life.
So, just understand here that there is no such thing as a belief that is true; you only make it true if you chose to make it so, specific to your own reality.
Your Beliefs Will Fuel And Hold Up Your Frames—Consequently, Your Meta-Frame.
Your beliefs are going to gain momentum over time. It’s really very exciting. As you become better in your skill set and you start getting results, your new beliefs, your focus of attention, should be supplying you with real world evidence that you are good with girls and you’re a cool guy..
If you get your inner psychology up to speed through your new beliefs will be the foundations of the frames that you throw out there at the girls you game.
The point here is that even if you have negative beliefs, as long as you understand that the stronger frame absorbs the weaker frame, than you know it will serve you anyway to believe in the “Good Beliefs” because you don’t have anything to lose, anyway!
So, it’s like Pascal's Wager posed by the French philosopher Blaise Pascal:
The wager is this: that even though the existence of God cannot be determined through reason, a person should "wager" as though God exists, because so living has potentially everything to gain, and certainly nothing to lose.
Haha! Don’t you see the genius of me! Even if you don’t believe you are good, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
This is called the Kurgan’s Wager:
The wager is this: Even though you cannot believe you are good with girls via your current negative beliefs, you should "wager" as though you are “good with young girls,” because in so living you are potentially having everything to gain, and certainly nothing to lose. And by virtue of you believing these new empowering beliefs, even in the face of negative evidence, your eventual acceptance of that belief will automatically allow you to set the critical frames necessary in order for you to get the girl(s), anyway!
No matter what, you will eventually get good anyway, over time: so, you might as well believe in it now, because believing will help you get there faster.
Your new empowering beliefs are now going to fuel your frames and set up your meta-frame.
What this simply means is that you will have the confidence to create “states” in your interactions with women that will have the women see you as a cool, high value guy.
They will test you. You will withstand them, and convey with confidence to them through your personality. You will have the “raw courage” to talk to women about your passions in life, and your direction. You will be able to indicate to your target your exciting life-style without being braggadocio. You will convey that you are a “stand-up guy.”
You’re going to do this because you have a cool fashion-style, a great life-style, a powerful skill set, and confidence.
Your frame will be solid. A women will know this as well. Your beliefs will create your frames which will give you a solid meta-frame--that will make women fall all over you!!!
firstname.lastname@example.org and www.datinginyourforties.com