Sunday, November 02, 2008

Pick Up Artist Episode 3 Recap-Violence in the workplace or Against Women?

So I pulled myself away from running the coaching program while watching old Chicago Bulls Championship videos. Do I really re-watch baksetball games from 10-17 years ago, when I know how they end? Of course I do. But I decided to take a 39 and a half minute break to watch episode 3 in hopes of A. Getting something to blog about that doesn't relate to 12 Months to Mastery and B. Making fun of Matador :)

The show starts with the usual formulaic we NEVER saw it coming with (guy who just got eliminated) in this case Kevin the curser. It's amazing how formulaic reality TV has become, you can almost script the shows better than sitcoms. Plus you don't have to pay the actors as much. Hollywood has learned to work the system, I tell you what. No idea why I threw in the Hank Hill there, but I'm feeling loose.

So the guys are sent to a medical center, They go for a medical treatment on biofeedback, learning to become comfortable in high stress situations. Mystery shows up in some outfit that's either a Hawaiian shirt or a ski jacket, can't really tell. It's green though, like apple drink.

The guys get really good advice on dealing with nervousness around women. Regulate your breathing, and warm your hands. I teach both of those ideas. If you're nervous you do tend to freeze up physically while taking shallower breaths.

The test part of this comes as they hook them up to a biofeedback machine and see how they respond. The winner gets to sit out of the field work, and watch the other guys in field. That's really useful, video is a great way to learn what not to do. That's one of the reasons I'll be doing more infield videos this next year.

So what do they do to put the guys under stress? Gunfight in the room? Try to take Matador's wig off? Call Mike Tyson a bitch? Say something derogatory about Tupac around me? Of course not, they get a hot girl in a nurse costume to talk to them while they’re hooked up to the biofeedback. Then she strips. Awesome T and A. This girl is amazingly hot. It's actually a really good exercise. I usually recommend guys go to the strip club( sweatpants optional) and sit at the front bar while trying to focus on feeling relaxed and making eye contact with the girls.

So how did the guys fair? God Damn it Now I'm saying it!

Matt goes first and is nervous and unhappy looking but doesn't do terrible.

Asian Brain is next he’s rocking spicoli vans those are my favorite shoes ever! They're like 30 bucks and you don't need to wear socks! Amazing. Brian looks uncomfortable and later talks about how he didn;t want to get a woody. I once learned from Geoff formerly of RSD to trust the cock. If you're getting wood in set she's prolly getting wet. I live by that rule as if Chuck Norris passed it down to me.

Rian looks like he’s going to pass out, he's even trying to close his eyes to avoid the awkwardness. At least he doesn't laugh. A lot of guys with sexual anxiety laugh around hot girls or sexual situations. You'll see it in strip clubs all the time. or if you introduce a hottie to a shy friend.

Mystery reads a Corny canned joke about not being able to pick up women while you sleep off the cue cards.

Karl-can barely speak he can’t finish a sentence and says ahhh, when the girl asks if he likes her outfit.

Greg- can’t make eye contact easily, but he wins because he actually looks like (Gasp) he's enjoying seeing a half naked super hottie.

Todd- Actually looks happy to see a beautiful woman and now she’s baiting him, this girl has def stripped before by the way she's calling the guys handsome and asking what they think of her. Pure baiting Cali Pimp style.

Simion- looks like he wants to kill her and dump the body in the marsh. Can we say serial killer? Seriously Fidelio once introduced to me the brillant concept of how creepy community guys fall into one of two categories. Violence in the workplace. That's a guy who seems likely to just open fire on anyone at random out frustration and THE HATE! Most community guys who are weird don't fit into this category instead they fit into violence against women. The kind of guy who lives next door to you for years until one day the police come and you find out he's got 50 dead hookers in his freezer. Simion is the posterboy for violence against women.

Thankfully Matador is back to no sleeves. I missed the lack of sleeves. I missed the way they looked, I missed the way they smelled and I think when all this is over me and Matador's arms need to get an apartment together!

I'm not gonna lie. Matador needs an action figure complete with different wigs, and three basic qualification statements.

" Are you adventurous?"

" Are you spontaneous?"

" Are you confident?"

"Bullshit everyone says their confident."

Only like 4 people ( and anyone who's really listened to him in set) understand that joke and I'm all right with it

Now they learn body language with Kosmo Kramer, "It’s about building a life" has become this show’s catchphrase. I’m waiting for a Public Service Announcement from Smokey the Bear or Mcgruff the crimedog. Where is Mcgruff? I want to bring Mcgruff back!

" It's not just about picking up girls, it's about building a life."

Then I raise my hand and say I wanted to get laid and that's why I game...

In the body language lessons over the shoulder gets way too much attention, it's really not that important as long as you develop a strong sense of spacial awareness. Don't creep girls out by invading their space and you're fine.

Matador bashes Simion for his Hand movements. hand Movements aren’t bad if they aren’t in a woman’s face. Keep your hands below your waist or 18-36 inches away from a girl and you're cool.

The guys are getting taught to keep their hands in the back pockets ala TD circa 2002. It's weird when you see people walking around the club with their hands in their back pockets.

Simion is cracking under the pressure, this is typical of students who haven’t really committed to getting better. He doesn't want to listen to the sad truth that he's super creepy. It's ok I was super creepy for about 6 months when I started. I even got told that by a girl in the Northridge mall. You HAVE to be honest with yourself. He thinks because he's using the material he's doing it right. You must be able to admit the places where you suck and need to improve to have any hope.

It’s heart to heart time with Kosmo and Simion. Awwww. Simion admits that he lived out of his car for awhile. He fails to tell Kosmo that he was on the run for the murder of 17 hookers in Boston…

Now it's club time. I actually hate the club scenes because I hate watching students fail when they're actually trying. All these guys are WAY too tense going to the club they need to be joking around relaxed and not focusing on the pressure. they're psyching themselves out of state instead of getting into it.

Mystery and Matador are all about the vests this year, I’m guessing it’s a VH1 thing, or a Justin Timberlake thing.It's enough with the vests. Except Matador cause then he can point out which way the beach is.

Onto the approaches:

Brian doesn’t quite get the role play thing as he tells a girl he would dip her in chocolate and throw bananas at her ass… Ok, at least he's thinking outside of the box. Though it won't get him inside the box :) Pun intended. Puns are the lowest form of humor.

Rian- Nodding too much and not smiling. Why is he using the Elvis opener? He almost moves one fatty but he’s not quite strong enough. Remember my rule, if you can’t physically lift the girl you need to either date thinner or get stronger.

Todd- Nice move of the group, Bottle service is like cheating.The only thing that's more like cheating is " Hey wanna go back to my place and do some coke?" He still does really well for a beginner. Good for him. He's starting to get a solid understanding of how to run attraction.

Matt is still rocking the boa but he explains himself too much. In fact two girls walk off in the middle. He’s very apologetic. You gotta pretend to be Jacque le coq grande. Acting as if you're cooler than the girl is rule # 2. Rule # 76 is no excuses play like a champion. Rule # 0 Never disrespect Chuck Norris. Ever. His calendar goes from March 31st-April 2nd, cause NO ONE fools Chuck. There's a Chuckisms app for the Iphone. It's AMAZING!!!

Simion- Consistently gets ignored on the opener, creepy, he reminds me of the joker.But without the charisma. He's kinda like a used car salesman. He seems like he has an agenda. Either that or these girls realize they may actually be in physical danger. He can’t even pull to a table, probably because they don't want to get roofied. The faces of the girls look like they’re seeing Dracula or Godzilla, or a guy with a gun. it doesn't help that he's using Mystery's " no one puts Baby in a corner" opener. That line is just weird and creepy. Mystery makes it work, cause well... cause he's Mystery, but if you're not really good at talking and dealing with awkward reactions you're gonna flame out on that one.

Karl- Looks really effeminate, he’s waifish. Doc Holliday can pull that off, he can’t. A lot of these guys are using Mystery’s material but they lack the enthusiasm and natural conversational abilities. So it just comes off weird when he’s talking about capers and Ocean’s 11. He’s ignoring all the obstacles as well.

Finally Greg heads in from the truck- He approaches two hotties,leans in a bit, but he’s doing really well, he needs to lock in. He moves the girls to the table and then number closes. He even successfully avoids the girl trying to take his number without giving him hers. Really well done.

Mystery gives a pep talk about how he watched a pickup artist walk in talk to one group of girls and get a phone number. That's what a PUA does he says.

Well allow me to retort:

A pick up artist takes a phone number. A cool guy takes the girl home and bangs her like it's no big deal. Which one do you wanna be?

Wow Mystery isn’t wearing a vest it’s like a skirt vest dealie… He’s partying like it’s 1492. Let’s get medeivil on these bitches! It's seriously like a girl's peasant skirt. I'm amused that I'm so Valley I use like in text.

Here come the tears! Right on schedule as Rian crys about not getting his shine on. That’s why I’m glad I listen to rap. I know how to shine. Diddy taught me :)

Yeah medallions. Time to cleanse bitches!

Mystery gets gangster on Greg and tells him he was gonna send him off. That was cool. Needed to be said. I prolly would have made him cry though :) Mystery's good at being harsh without being insulting. Always has been.

The formulaic cut before elimination. Nice!

And effeminate Karl gets sent home. Proving that if Mystery thinks you’re gay it’s

Gayme Over.

I should be reviewing episode 4 tomor though I am buried, so as Eazy-E once said " Don't quote me boy cause I ain't said shit!"


P.S: If you're new to the Game or community and want to learn more check out The Game Acceleration Doctrine for free. It'll teach you that you don't need eyeliner and peasant skirts to get better with women.

Download it Here


  1. I used to get my shine on. Maybe 2-3 times a week. But then I found it more efficient to get hyphy. Now, maybe once a month, I bounce right to left and shoulder lean. However, I never, ever, under any circumstances, get crunk. That's just stupid.

  2. Adrian8:24 AM

    Nice blog man. How's the 12 month program coming along?

  3. Castrato9:30 AM

    Your commentary is Killer.

    Really funny how Erik has the same

    schtick since dinosaurs roamed


  4. Castrato9:33 AM

    Your commentary is Killer.

    Really funny how Erik has the same

    schtick since dinosaurs roamed


  5. Future Projecting Cock10:03 AM

    Will Mystery still be giving
    bootcamps when he's Eighty?

    Can you say Peacocking with
    diamond studded hearing aids,
    and trifocal goggles?

    Trusty sidekick Style, in a wheelchair next to him?

    { wearing a, " yeah, but I
    was Number One", bib around
    his neck.]

  6. Anonymous12:11 PM

    Ahaha... priceless!

    PS Dude, your RSS feed is fucked up. Not getting updates for a couple weeks now.

  7. Anonymous3:31 PM

    why don't you make recaps of keys to the vip? its way more interesting to watch.

  8. Anonymous9:19 AM

    That comment about "That's what a pickup artist does" kinda made my back cringe. It looked like he pulled them to the table/VIP area and then got the # and headed back down again.
    It looked really awkward. Sure you got them to the table but how about waiting a minute or 15 like you're supposed to do?
    It looked as if he got the number and then went back out before their butts had a chance to heat the fake leather couch in the VIP area.
    And we hear Mystery "Now that's a Pickup Artist"


    Hardly any real connection built, no escalation, no intimacy, no Make The Ho Say No!
    Just #close and rush dem bitches out cause we got a show to run VH1.

    Come on Mystery! Shame on you.

    The good thing about the show is that Stan (Matador) is keeping his mouth shut for the most part.
    He's not running his tired game of "You make the same exact facial expressions" while girls look at him and think "as if". He's sporting a furry vest and looking like a cave douche most of the time. He needs a rustic club to finish off the look.

    Stan's hair is very Bollywood. Sometimes he sports sunglasses and doesn't shave and I can imagine he hardly showers either...which is probably what all the girls are thinking when his big ass comes into their sets.
    Take a shower dude and sweat is not sexy.