Tuesday, November 11, 2008

It's probably not your fault...

Hey guys,

I was just talking to my father last night and something really dawned on me.

We were talking about a voicemail he left me where he read off the statistics of tourism deaths in Brazil over the last year(I'm going to Brazil in Feb). After I put him in check as I'm known to do, I realized that all the negativity and paranoia I have comes from 16 years of being berated with worst case scenarios from my parents.

No wonder I had the outlook on life I did when I was getting constant negative reinforcement for everything I did. And I know I'm not alone.

Most people forget that parents are just people. Meaning that they may not have the most healthy views of the world. But they damn sure pass that on to their kids.

Now I don't want to encourage anyone to start fostering a mentality of victim thinking, because we're all adults now and responsible for ourselves. I just wanted to make the point that a lot of our thinking patterns that we tend to blame ourselves for (Negativity, success barriers, low self esteem) come from outside sources most notably our parents, friends and support group.

The point of this post is to encourage you to accept where you're at now MAY not be your fault but to take responsibility for changing the things about the way you think that are not helpful or empowering.




  1. I was thinking about it lately.
    In childhood your conscious mind can't filter what are your parents telling you. It is just not experienced enough.

    Because of that some of yours beliefs(good or bad) which you have now was programmed by your parents and friends.

    I think this is biggest fights we have in our lifes. Find those bad beliefs(some of them are really deep) and start to reprogram them.

    Btw since you fully understand that is much harder to blame somoone for their behaviour. People are responsible for what they do sometimes they are not responsible for reason they do what they do.

    The Petros

  2. good post.
    it's true that the people who surround you have an influence on your worldview.

    here's a great quote:
    "You cannot fly like an eagle when you hang around the buzzards".

    Susan Jeffers has also wrote about this in her book "feel the fear and do it anyway".

  3. holy shit! I live in brazil :D

    oh man, which cities are you going to visit? please don't say only Rio..

    come to FLORIANOPOLIS, capital of Santa Catarina. Most amount of beautiful women per sq. feet of Brazil, hands down.

    google it, I'm sure you'll like it

  4. Anonymous1:47 PM

    This is so true...

    On a side note, thanks a lot for your last emails about opening, it is VERY helpful. Now I have a much better understandings on the different type of openers and how to use them.


  5. Anonymous1:53 PM

    Hey Sinn,

    in one of your last posts you mention you can break rapport in different ways.

    Can you please write a bit more about that sometime?

  6. lovely sinn...

    I love when you takl inner game...cuz i see you totally maturing.

  7. Anonymous6:08 PM

    Yo man, I love this fuckin post. Jon I think more posts discussing things like these would really help peoples game as self improvement (in my opinion) is an interaction between all our thoughts and not just our thoughts on women and dating. I LOVE THIS POSST!

  8. good post man, and if you are going to brazil next year, you have to come to argentina, meet and hang out with the small lairs.


  9. Anonymous10:04 PM

    As I got older and started to really look at my inner psychology I realized a lot of negativity came from my dad. The more I refocus my life for the better, the more estranged I am becoming with my dad. It's sad but I'm moving forward while he refuses to change. It feels unnatural to say good-bye to my dad but he needs to realize how selfish and destructive he is being. I don't hate him, but I am on a journey and sometimes you have to walk alone, but I didn't expect it to mean even without my parents. Sorry to be so sober on your blog Sinn, but maybe others can benefit from what I'm going through.


  10. Very well said. I've experienced this exact thing, and I'm a firm believer of taking control of your destiny and changing things for the better.

  11. Going through this experience right now too. I think I worry my parents constantly, haha!

    I'll be traveling in March next year to South American (and around the world, I'm doing something similar to your world travels). Hope you'll keep us updated on your blog (as I will be doing). We may cross paths. Thanks for the post.

  12. Anonymous6:16 AM

    Brazil is a more violent country. You just have to not look like a dumb tourist, though. And asking people where is safer to be.

    Will you be here for carnival buddy? lol. Minas Gerais is the place. And Bahia. And bring a fuzzy rat hat.

  13. Anonymous9:01 AM

    good post!! i have to give it to you

  14. Anonymous10:05 PM

    Great post nad also something I've been thinking about alot lately.

    I heard it said somewhere (or maybe read it, not sure) that you have to look back on your childhood through the eyes of an adult.

    Lets face it your parents are just people. Not only that, but YOU are going to pass your beliefs onto your kids too, without even realising it.

    As much as we believe in childhood that our parents are perfect, nobody is.

  15. Well put! This is a really great post. Be accountable for your future without loathing about the past.

    I've never seen someone improve their life by feeling bad about themselves and simply wishing for the better.