Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Stop Taking it Personally.

Hey there,

Today I want to talk about a really really important topic for long term success with pickup, dating and relationships.

It's the idea of not taking everything that happens to you personally.

In life, most of what happens to us is not personal.

It's random.

The world is a chaotic, random and unpredictable place. A lot of people have problems dealing with this so they turn to belief systems to make them feel like everything happens for a reason.

In reality, none of us are that special.

One of the biggest mistakes students make ( And I admit I can STILL do this too) is taking a specific situation with a girl personally. Most likely, it had less to do with you and more to do with her. And I don't mean that in a "it's her loss" type of justification.

What I mean is ALL of us make decisions based on what we BELIEVE to be best for us at that time. We usually base this on our emotions at the current moment.

But because all of us are self-absorbed, we believe that we are somehow the cause of every action or reaction in our immediate world.

Which is interesting, because we don't believe we're the cause of every action in the entire world, or all Americans would feel guilty about being at war with 3 different countries right now.

So we've got to learn to take a step back mentally, before we assign blame on ourselves or start looking for personal reasons a girl didn't respond to an approach or didn't return a call or text, or whatever.

I've written before about internal vs external locuses of control, but I think a lot of guys especially at the beginner and intermediate levels think they can control MUCH more than they actually can.

Here's a mind fuck for those guys who believe they can control everything; You CAN'T actually FORCE someone to be attracted to you.

Real success with women is not some sort of magic fantasy world where everything goes perfectly all the time. Sometimes it's pretty close, but most of the time it's a series of habits, actions and processes(Which include rejection and handling it) that yield long term results. Not any one particular interaction or result.

So stop taking it personally when things don't go your way and stay focused on the processes, actions, and habits you need to take to make your success happen.

JS-The King Of Content


  1. Anonymous1:44 PM

    Please tell me is it worth trying if i am not able to make thinks happen i want, why should i even try if everything is chaos.

    PS; I am beginner and my game is still weak however i made some social progress which i also appreciate.

    Take care,

  2. Do you have advice to beginners how to check their progress themselves?Or it is almost impossible,it should be checked by someone who is really good at it?

    You talk about body language's importance and tonality's importance but it is hard to check those by myself.You shows some example and I use those as my model.But it is hard to check myself.I learned what is good from you.

  3. Nodys3:43 PM

    Very true!
    @KK when you accept the chaos, you will find yourself more able to read the chaos. You will be phased less by rejection, you will learn to read responses, and sets more easily. Cuz instead of forcing pieces into places you look for things that are already and in your favor. I'm not there yet, but I've been in this mental state a few nights and those nights I've done so much better.

  4. Anonymous6:19 PM

    Sinn you introduce a way to give girls "non verbal IOI's" in your natural attraction DVD. However, you give zero examples of these "non verbal IOI's" What would some of these be? Is this how you currently show interest? Obviously, you are an expert in your field and as far as your current game goes, how and at what point do you show interest?

  5. Well said, Jon.

    "The doctrines that explain everything to me also debilitate me at the same time. They relieve me of the weight of my own life, and yet I must carry it alone." -The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus

  6. I agree 100% with what John says here. Its such a random world and one of the keys to success is letting go of wanting 100% control and just put yourself out there

  7. Anonymous2:53 PM

    I usually love your posts... but this one didn't resonate. First thing, and unrelated to the real substance of the post, is what 3 countries do you think the U.S. is currently at war with? By my count NATO is at war in Afghanistan (and Karzai is technically an ally), the U.S. had ended its combat operations in Iraq too as of summer 2010 I believe.

    Anyway, the problem is that of course control is ultimately an illusion in the metaphysical, Buddhist, sense of the term. However, what you can control is your own actions and your work ethic. Michael Jordan, Will Smith, Lester Pearson, Lincoln, etc.. were the best at what they did because of the work ethic, and because they took action... There is a degree of control there. In pick up that is generally lacking because at the end of the day your results are largely predicated on how someone else feels about you. To be perfectly blunt, the pick up community isn't even a band-aid solution for a much more fundamental problem in people's lives (myself included). I say not even because it distract people from focusing on the things that will actually make their lives better in the long-term, and as an extension, better with women. In fact, it generally lowers one's self-esteem.

  8. Anonymous7:31 AM

    Outstanding post. Thank you for this. This was rattling around in my head without articulation for some time.