Monday, March 16, 2009

You Might be a Douchebag If... Part 1: You Wear Sunglasses Indoors

Hey guys,

Time to use my blog as it was meant to be used in the classical sense; Talking shit.

So I decided I'd start a feature where I talk about things that might make you a douchbag.

You're not necessarily a DB if you do one or two of these things, but the more you do the more you're DB quotient climbs into the red or "Matador" zone.

So today we're talking like an 80s song as I explore the horrors of wearing your Sunglasses at Night. Or Indoors during the day.

I was on the phone with my buddy Cam earlier and we tried to think of a situation other than one recommended by a Dr where it's not uber Douchey to wear Sunglasses inside.

Not only do you make it so that people can't see your eyes, but you basically spray paint in neon block letters that you're "too cool". It's lame, as fuck.

Plus for people who wear Sunglasses when they're in a FUCKING nightclub... How do you see?
Shit, sometimes I have trouble seeing my way around clubs normally...

Also they're called Sunglasses, what kind of sun are you worried about in a nightclub?

Sunglasses.... Nightclub.....

Sun and night tend to be mutually exclusive.

When I eventually take over the world, this form of douchebaggery will be punishable by death.



  1. Anonymous5:20 PM

    Doc Holliday retired hey Sinn? what's your take on it?

  2. Word. I realized this a while ago, when I decided that Jack Nicholson was a douchebag and then noticed that he wore his sunglasses at EVERY Laker game.

  3. This post is sorely lacking a reference to the best blog ever (sorry Sinn). GO HERE NOW! DO IT!


  4. Anonymous6:25 PM

    lol... guilty of doing that on occasion..

  5. - if you're an attractive 30-40 year old women who claims to not get with guys on the first night from a bar

  6. GUMBY!10:42 PM

    ill apologize, but i wont take off my sunglasses.


    nuff said

    insomia sucks btw

  8. Anonymous12:30 AM

    Im sure you've been on John Wayne airport about 60% of the people wear sunglasses in that place.. Its the only indoor place where I feel less trendy not obstructing my vision inside..

  9. Anonymous6:16 AM

    Haha. I laugh at this even though I was highly guilty back before I got my contact lenses.

  10. I hear you on this one!

    I blame all the damn rappers like Kanye West, and T-Pain that have made this more popular to do.

    But 99% of the guys aren't black, don't rap, and don't have that kind of money to somewhat make it okay to do.

    This must stop!


  11. Def agree. Another DB trait, guys that wear shirts with gems. You know, the Rhinestone B Boy. I hate that.

  12. I def agree. Another stupid DB trait, guys t shirts that have gems on them, you know, the Rhinestone B Boy.

  13. Anonymous1:10 PM

    yeah... what a sudden and unexpected end by doc... sinn might have something to say about this.

  14. Anonymous3:29 PM

  15. Different shades of sunglasses have different properties. I think yellow sunglasses increase contrast, ...

    When you're a celebrity, sunglasses subcommunicate a cool "I don't want to be recognized and stalked by 100 fans everytime I'm partying".

  16. On a more practical rebute, it's actually a good way to 'break rapport'... However, there are a lot 'cooler' ways to do that anyway. The last person I saw to wear sunglasses in a club was the British 'sensation' Jodie Marsh though, so it also has a celebrity tint to it, excuse the pun! :)

  17. Sheriff wears sunglasses indoors in his testimonial on the right ;) Just thought it was funny to mention :p

  18. Anonymous3:30 PM

    Bro... way to douche on Lovedrop, your co-speaker at the superconference, while framing it as a general ass/salt on douchebags.

    Maybe you've changed radically since then, but when I took your bootcamp, you wore sunglasses during the seminar portion.

    And I still like Jeffy's famous opener, though I don't use it anymore: "Hey, do you like douchebags? 'Cuz I am one."

    Aside from what's already been mentioned, wearing sunglasses indoors has a large number of obvious benefits. If they're mirrored, and you practice, you can look wherever you want, in whatever way you want, to scope out the venue, and to rehearse using your eyes in different ways. If you do it enough, it also heightens your vision when you take them off, so it becomes easier to navigate in the dark. And studies have shown that:
    1. wearing sunglasses generally makes people perceive you as more dominant, though also more distant
    2. wearing your sunglasses up on your head has the interesting effect of actually *increasing* rapport---one theory why this works is that they mimic dilated pupils. So sunglasses over eyes = [breaking-rapport + DHV], sunglasses on top of head = [increased rapport + you look like you've got shiny horns, and horniness suggests...]