Monday, December 07, 2009

A Realistic look at Infidelity.

So with all this Tiger Woods drama all over the place, it got me thinking about infidelity in the real world. Not the MTV show, which in and of itself fosters an environment made for cheating on your BF or GF back home. I think it might even be in the contract :)

Evolutionary biologists, would love to tell you that we(both men and women) are designed to cheat in order to fulfill our primary goal in life of passing on our selfish genes with a partner most likely to produce healthy offspring.

Romantics will say that true love conquers all, and that when you find that special person, harps will play, Doves will sing and you will never again want to bang that hot chick at your office.

The truth as with most things in life, lies somewhere in the middle.

According to Sperm Wars by Robin Baker, people are as faithful as their options and their social and physical consequences.

First let's examine the idea of options. In the community there is a very misogynistic idea that all women cheat, and that all that matters is the level of your game versus the level of another guy's game. I'd say a lot of those misconceptions come from the fact that community guys deal with a lot of club girls who are social climbers. But I digress. It's my opinion that EVERYONE is looking to trade up sexually. This is where I firmly believe in evolutionary biology, as well as the added social and sexual benefits of having a more attractive partner. It's not just women or club girls or men or high status high powered men. It's everyone. Somewhere there is a redneck whose wife is 250lbs, who is cheating on her with a 200ILB woman and feels great about the upgrade.

So what does that mean about infidelity? It means that EVERYONE has considered it at some point and that most people have been unfaithful.

The most commonly quoted statistics on infidelity show that between 55-70% Of all people have cheated on a significant other. I've seen stats that skew towards men being more unfaithful and I've seen stats that skew towards women being more unfaithful. Either way, it all seems to fall into this range.

Another widely quoted statistic says that 20% of people in the United States were fathered by someone other than who they think they're Dad is. I believe the correct term is cuckolding.

So if we all have these drives and urges and stuff, what keeps us from cheating?

As Dr Dre once said on Eminem's song Guilty Conscience " You got to think about the consequences"

Now obviously in Tiger's case, like most people he NEVER thought he was going to get caught. Because if he had thought about the social as well as financial consequences this could lead to, well he probably would have done it anyway. But that speaks more to the arrogance of professional athletes than anything about consequences. Tiger may have wanted to talk to his buddy MJ about how his infidelity divorce went. You know the one where he lost $250 million...

In most people's lives the consequences are going to fall into one of two categories; social and physical.

The most obvious consequences, are the physical ones, the most common being pregnancy, STDs, and physical harm from your significant other or their significant other. Physical consequences don't really change. The risks are always going to be there when you cheat on someone or have sex.

The social consequences on the other hand are a little more tricky. First there is the obvious loss of relationship, not to mention the effect if children are in the mix (as is the case with Tiger). There is the effect cheating will have on your reputation socially. While it's cool to be a ladies man and a bachelor, it's not good to be the guy who cheated on his wife/girlfriend. This can even split your entire social circle right down the middle. You also have the possibility of revenge by the person you cheated on, which could take any form from girls setting your clothes on fire, to posting naked photos of you on the internet. So the social consequences are aplenty.

Lastly I want to talk about something most people probably don't think about when it comes to cheating and that's the self esteem consequences. I don't cheat. Obviously anyone who knows me will tell you that I am very anti-cheating and even try to avoid girls with boyfriends. My Mom cheated on my Dad, and they ended up getting a divorce if you want to know the root cause of my feelings on this subject. The self esteem consequences to me come with having to deal with yourself as a cheater. Having to lie to your significant other, the guilt, and ultimately the dread of getting caught lead you to think that this is part of dating.

It shouldn't be.

You don't need to cheat in order to sleep with lots of girls. Just don't get into a monogamous relationship until you're sure you don't want to sleep with anyone else. And if you started getting tempted to cheat, break up instead. The social consequences for breaking up with someone are WAY less than cheating and you don't have to be dishonest.

So that's my brain dump on infidelity inspired by Tiger Woods banging tons of chicks. Which was obviously going to happen as soon as he started hanging out with Jordan and Barkely in Vegas.

By the way does any celebrity or athlete not cheat on their wives?

The fact that they are on the road so much negates a big amount of the threat of getting caught and they have groupies throwing themselves at them all the time. I honestly have no idea why they even try to get married. Unless there's some kind of secret in advertising that you get more endorsements as a family man, or something of that ilk. Which could totally be true. But still, so not worth it.

Stay single celebrities, it will be easier and cheaper in the end.

JS- The King Of Content


  1. Anonymous1:25 PM

    I think there are a couple of celebrities that do not cheat on their spouses. I have read that Paul McCartney only spent two nights separated from Linda during their 29 years of marriage (that was when he took the hit for her in Japan when they were caught with like 2 kilos of grass in 1979). Same for Keith Richards with his wife Patty Hanson.

    I think for both of them it was pretty much they got it out of their systems or something...

    Then there were the old timers like Jimmy Stewart, Henry Fonda, John Wayne and all who were pretty square at home but that was like a different country - for better or worse.

    I think that might be

  2. Markus2:16 PM

  3. Anonymous2:21 PM

    Nice blog entry I really liked your take on this Sinn. But to be honest if you think about the position these people are in and the amount of effort it takes them to the higest quality pussy in the world it is very very tempting and nearly impossible to avoid.

    The same could be said about women. For example a women could be very strongly against nudity or having her picture taken. But if someone said well pay you 10 million for your nude pics all of a sudden your reasoning changes. It becomes very tempting to the point where the rationalizing part of your brain is pretty much defeated.

    Bottom line is we are all human and all have needs and desires and sometimes we can't help the way we feel no matter what the circumstance.

  4. Anonymous5:08 PM

    Tiger is an idiot..if your a player then play. I don't condemn or condone that behavior but hes an idiot for cheating on a chick thats uglier than your is up with that physical upgrade man. Also why the fuck do u get married. Marriage as well in my opinion is a label. Brangelina and Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn arent married and they are still together

  5. Anonymous5:47 PM

    All the pro sports guys (in NBA, NFL, golf, soccer outside the US) who are on 8 figure pay packages, who are single and even married, get tons of super hot HB10 and 9 women wanting to bang them and wanting a rich sugar daddy to lavish expensive gifts on them, so have no need for using game. It'd take a guy with enormous will power to say no, plus most of these guys are egomaniacs, because of how much they get paid. They have to learn to practice safe sex and if they're going to keeping fuck women while being legally married, they better have good prenuptial marriage contracts with their wives, unlike Michael Jordan, Greg Norman, etc.

    The Rachel Uchitel lady who's hot and was going to have a press conference, wanted Tiger to pay her 5 million to shut up and it looks like she got it.

    In Tiger's case, he has good taste in women and doesn't need to learn anything about game, but he probably shouldn't have got legally married, or found a wife (legally married or de facto) accepting of an open marriage, if he's always that extremely horny (as is Mick Jagger). There are some solid marriages in showbusiness (like the late Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward who were married for 50 years), but it's rare. Will Smith's current wife Jada Pinkett apparently lets him play outside his marriage, if or when he wanted to, but it's fairly rare for most women to be that open minded.

  6. Anonymous6:56 PM

    Thank you Sinn, my thoughts exactly! If you don't want to be faithful, don't get into a relationship promising somebody you will be, that just makes you a hypocrite.

    What I find funny is the people who think cheating is okay, but who wouldn't tell their wives about it.... if it's so okay, why not?

    On a similar note, everyone is questioning Tiger, what about all these women who knew he was married? What's your stance on that? What of the fact that they're suddenly oh-so-quick to come out of the woodwork themselves and take advantage? What does that say morally about them?

  7. I don't think it benefits a man to get married.

    She could change for the worse, stop having sex with you, forcing a divorce and making you pay alimony.

    Really what is the upside?

  8. Anonymous8:29 PM

    Deft well said in tigers case being a family man might help endorsements but for men in general i dont see too many you can do the same thing with a gf

  9. Anonymous8:33 PM

    This was a very good post. Please keep discussing it again in the blog and in a podcast if possible, as the PUA guru community doesn't address this very much.

    It's tricky - the PUA community and its 'gurus' gets regularly criticised for teaching guys to be ultra superficial players who use, bang and/or manipulate as many women as possible. I'm not ashamed to aspire to do that, as I and many other guys need to.

    As lousy as some PUA gurus and coaching businesses are, the better ones are just teaching guys how to be better with women. It's up to the student, whether he wants to put in the work and play the field for a fair while and/or even while he's married and cheat on his wife, if he wants a legally married wife who'd allow him to have an open marriage, as some couples are into swinging (Gene Simmons of Kiss who's a vocal proponent of guys not being biologically built for being monogamous and who fucks women off of those who send him pictures of themselves on his official website, has this arrangement with his wife with whom he has 2 kids with, but I'm unsure if Gene's wife also plays the field), or if a guy is seeking to meet or find a soulmate to have a serious relationship with, marry and raise a family with. When the hot women George Clooney gets involved with, want a serious commitment from him, he always dumps them, as he doesn't want to have any kids.

  10. The stupid thing was to get caught...
    What he did is no worse than lying about what you've done before you met a partner. The latter seem to be accepted.

  11. I know everyone has their opinion and is quick to judge. But it appears that everyone who has commented here is not or probably has not ever been married, including you Sinn. A lot of times you can have a totally different perspective on things after having walked in a married man’s shoes.

    We can all speculate as to why Tiger did what he did and why people ultimately cheat. For most people, when they get married, they do so because they are in love (or think they are) and believe they want to spend the rest of their lives with the person they are marrying. However quite frequently at some point in the marriage, the dynamics change. Over time, people change in a number of different ways: emotionally, cognitively, morally and physically to name a few. Add children to the mix and all of a sudden you have a significantly different dynamic. It forces the relationship to change. Once a baby arrives, the relationship you and your spouse had is effectively over and a new one begins. It forces the couple to change. For the male who is used to being the sole recipient of the attention from his spouse, a large adjustment has to be made. The frequency of sex and intimacy in general declines as well as just plain couple time. (Please bear in mind I am speaking in generalities here to illustrate a point and most people I know ultimately have children at some point in their marriage). Having been married and knowing several other men who are or have been married, I have found this to be a commonality. Every single man I know who is married and I mean every single one, has either been unfaithful or wants to be but does not have either the opportunity or the balls to do so. The common thread being that their wife no longer satisfies them emotionally / sexually, for one or more of a variety of reasons.

    So why do they stay married? The number one reason is security. Once you are married, everything you own is also owned by your spouse. If you split, especially being the male, you will most likely lose most of your assets and your pay check (in the form of alimony & child support). You will lose a significant amount of access to your children. The emotional burden of putting your kids through a breakup is also tough. Also in the back of your head, is the possibility that your spouse will marry someone else and he will move into the house you once owned and effectively raise your kids. That’s not to mention pressure from friends, family, social circle and clergy.

    I am just scratching the surface here on how tough a divorce is with kids involved. But on the other hand, your sexual and emotional needs are not being fulfilled by your partner. What do you do? There is no good solution they all have very significant down sides. So if a man in that position can get a quick fix without getting caught, he is going to do it. It’s basically to coin a phrase, “If momma’s not going to cook, you have to eat out.” If he can continually get his needs satisfied this way without getting caught and maintain his family structure as well, (unless his relationship is entirely intolerable), that’s what most men will do. It’s not by any means the easy way out, it’s just one way a man frequently chooses to deal with the problem.

    So I am neither praising or condemning Tiger’s or anyone else’s infidelity. I just wanted to give you guys a different perspective before you pass judgment.

  12. I may be wrong....

    Only thing is that he got caught ...celebrities like the kobe issue, could have been worse for tiger.

    Personally, I wouldnt cheat if Im in a serious relationship.

    I agree he would have been better off being single but you have to admit. so he somehow felt bored of having expensive house, nice cars, hot wife...

    He wasnt smart screening a girl he could have controlled on the side , than a media hungry women asking him money for their silence.

    Sad, Im upset how chick mags diss him too hardcore.


    There are women that are in serious relationships and cheat and beta their Bf or Husband.

    my own mom , my ex wife and the recent ex GF...

    Its frustrating to see your own pattern.

  13. Some good wisdom there sinn-sensei.
    Off topic:Can you make a sticky on the inner circle forum listing the cd's of the month that have been released?

  14. Anonymous2:11 PM

    Qbert, fine post, but I don't see how it contrays Sinns thoughts? He wrote nothing that goes against that, quite the opposite.

  15. Beauitful well-written and balanced article


  16. Anonymous2:31 PM

    The 20% false paternity number is completely internet fiction. Please refer to this page for an extensive list of studies on this issue. Note that some studies were only survey (which are unrealiable) whereas others actually measured biological properties. Actual false paternity rates in the western world seem to be about ~2-5%