Monday, December 21, 2009

The Demons That Dance in Our Heads...

There are parts of my personality that are lazy, that are ignorant, that are outright evil, parts that are jealous, petty, weak, cowardly. And I’m not alone. Everyone has these parts of themselves, it’s just a matter of whether or not we ever open up and express it. Or if we bury our heads in the sand and pretend it doesn’t exits. There are parts of me, that would like nothing more than for me to remain in complete fear and paranoia of every day life. Parts that want to entrap me, break my will and make sure that I live a life of misery.

The difference between me, and most people is that I’m aware of this dichotomy and I make EVERY effort I can to fight these parts of myself. Every day and every night. I will fight them on the beaches, I will fith them on the streets.

I make every effort I can to tell myself to shut up when I think some task is too daunting, some girl too pretty, or some situation too good for someone else.

Like Michael Irvin in his reality tv show I tell my body to shut up when it locks up with approach anxiey or feelings of non deservingness or jealousy for someone else getting something (or more realistically someone) I want.

I refuse to give in to my worst instincts, even if my knees tremble, my voice shakes and my body wishes it were anywhere but here. Because I know I can accept failure. But I can’t accept not trying.

And slowly, painfully, frustratingly at times, I grow. And that fear that used to make my voice crack and my legs tremble in front of georgeous women, gets a little better. And that feeling I have when I see a guy with a girl I want gets a little less painful. Until ultimately you stop noticing. You’re able to shift your focus and look out for what the best use of your time is in any given situation. In the end, you learn to control your emotions. Because while most things in this world are out of control, you can actually learn to control your emotions and respond to things the way you want to rather than the way that feels best at the time.

You can learn to channel all that, into things that help you instead of holding on to toxic emotions that cloud your judgement, and cause you nothing but suffering.

It’s hard work, and you will lose sometimes, it’s normal. But the only way to improve your life quality is to fight. Fight the comfort zone and the easy way out, fight the emotions that don’t enrich your life, fight the thoughts that aren’t reality, and accept only that which you want into your life.

I never want to stop fighting my demons, because I know the day I do, I’ll stop growing as a person.

JS- The King Of Content


  1. Anonymous3:11 PM

    Dude. Just yesterday, I buried out 3 of these, then today discovered 4 more. I did just trip on LSD though... but yea, I know what your talking about and it snowballs. Best!

  2. Thank you man,

    As soon as I start to think that I can't learn anything new from you, you surprise me with a post like this one =)

  3. Anonymous5:56 AM

    I am currently fighting some emotions off as well.

    A girl I just slept with, whom I wasn't that interested in dating, has been pulling some jealousy moves on me, and they're working like a charm.

    But I've got to remember that these emotions are just built-in responses that don't reflect what is best for me.

    I think in 2010, I will resolve to not be a slave to my emotions, especially the unhelpful ones.

  4. Anonymous12:56 PM

    awesome stuff

  5. Anonymous3:38 PM

    next level post JS

  6. nice MJ quote in there. ;)