Incongruence revisited...

Hey guys,

I'm sure that I've written about incongruence before... Mystery has a famous video on it and what not, but I still see incongruence as a MAJOR problem for most guys trying to get better with women.

Incongruence happens when what you say, who you present yourself to be, or how you say things does not match up. It's what happens when an overweight guy in his 30s approaches a group of 20 somethings stumbles through an opener while barely making eye contact and then accuses the girls of hitting on him...

Quite simply, it's not going to fly.

One of the things that stood out this weekend at the final 12M2M bootcamp was just how different certain lines and techniques come off with bad delivery.

Take for example the idea of playfully calling girls out for bad behavior. When done correctly, not only does this help build attraction, but it demonstrates dominance as well. However it's not something you can do every interaction. It has to be situationally relevant or it comes off as uber weird... Seriously imagine giving someone a firm handshake and having them scold you on it... Or imagine them bringing up the idea of the handshake 3 minutes later...

One of incongruence's favorite allies is situational irrelevance. What that means is that what you're doing is irrelevant in the situation. This is one of the major ways guys come off weird. And something that can be tough to develop if you lack it naturally. It usually happens if guys never had a default way to communicate their personality before learning pickup. These are the guys who neg your girlfriend or try to amog they're bosses...

Another thing to think about is the emotional expression behind the lines and techniques themselves. Without the proper emotions ( or illusion of emotions) tactics and techniques do not work. That's why one of the most important attraction switches is emotional honesty. Girls must believe that you're saying what you're saying because that's how you feel here in the moment. Imagine a blank faced sociopath walking up to a group of girls and telling one of them her last boyfriend didn't spank her enough. Scary...

And lastly think about the type of guy people think you are and the type of guy you're trying to portray yourself to be. There's a lot of guys out there who try to portray themselves as these big players with stripper ex girlfriends, who get in fights etc... While looking like a guy who works at the local blockbuster. You have to be able to convince people you are who you're portraying yourself to be. And best of all you don't all have to portray yourselves to be someone you're not to get attractive women. It's a matter of utilizing strengths and masking disadvantages.

Hope that helps explain incongruence a bit more clearly, if you get blown out a lot you and you are starting to think the material doesn't work for you, you're probably incongruent.

S