Monday, February 28, 2011

Unfreezing Your Self Image

I hated the movie Hitch( Which again is in no way based on David Wygant so don't believe his marketing BS) but, I do think there is one good piece of advice in the entire unwatchable movie.

At some point when he's not randomly breaking people's wrists and asking guys where they want to wake up after he beats their ass( a staple scene in any Will Smith movie) the title character says something like " You is a fluid concept."

This is GREAT advice.

When guys go online and type in things like How To Get Laid or How To Get Girls In Bed it's generally because they identified with the idea that there is something inherently wrong with them that leads to them being "bad with girls" or " a nice guy" or whatever else guys identify with when they begin their learning more about dating.

However this is a one way road to ruin.

If you've read ANY of my stuff you know how important I think Inner and Outer game symmetry are to the learning process. This is a fancy way of saying that you need to grow your inner and outer game simultaneously.

So how do you do this?

First you have to stop identifying with negative behavior. Number 1 because it's imaginary. Being " bad with girls" is a judgment call based on objective events. Most likely you're not successful with women because of ACTIONS, HABITS, you've taken in the past, rather than "that just being the way it is."

So it's vital to stop identifying with "I am bad with girls" and start identifying with the idea that " In the past I have been X(whatever your issue is) but now I am working on Being Y(what your goals are). This is much more powerful, and fluid. There is room for growth with this belief system that there isn't with the frozen idea that "I am bad with girls."

In a way, we all create our own reality both positive and negative. And I'm not talking about in a bullshit "The Secret" kind of way. What I mean is that we constantly tell our brains what to do, look for and create, in the form of self talk, beliefs, priorities... We CONSTANTLY choose what we want to focus on. Sometime it can feel like you can't change your focus, but it is always a CHOICE. We can make choices that keep us frozen in unhealthy, unproductive and unhappy self images or we can choose to focus on where we WANT to be and consistently look for the ACTIONS we can adopt to move towards what we want.

Hope that helps,

JS-The King Of Content.


  1. Hey Sinn - just wanted to say I really appreciate your last couple of posts recently. You views on pick-up seem a lot more realistic and down-to-earth.

  2. Anonymous4:57 PM

    John, that statement "In the past I have been X(whatever your issue is) but now I am working on Being Y(what your goals are).", is so simple and it really combines where I'm at honestly and where I want to be. I'll be telling myself that when things aren't going well... thank you.

  3. Hey John

    Really love this post. It made me realize something true: Whenever I say that i am bad with girls I strengthen the idea in my head. But the truth is that I am NOT bad with girls - not always. I have had girlfriends in the past, LTRs and so on... So I can't say that "I am bad with girls - and that's just the way it is". The truth is that at this moment I am not doing so well with girls (and it is my own fault) - but that is changing as i type this ;)