Monday, February 14, 2011

Winning The Game Part 1: The Why?

For a long time now I've been interested in the idea of Long Term Success in pick up. I mean after all I don't want to be 40 years old and still going to the club to do cold approaches like a certain short bald guy who wrote a book.

It probably started for me when I saw that most of the guys I came into pick up with were starting to have kids, settle down, get married etc... And while I'm certainly not here to knock those options(in fact I'll argue soon that for 99% of guys that's the best option) that's not an option for me. It's not where I want my life to go and it wasn't ever going to make me feel like I "won".

So it got me to sit down and re-think about how success is defined in terms of pick up.

In a lot of the stuff you read and hear out there, success is defined by who can sleep wit the most girls, the hottest girls, the hardest situations, but does that actually lead to long term happiness?

I know from personal experience that defining your life by your ability to charm strangers out of their pants leads to all sorts of horrible side effects. So clearly the existing standards are designed for something else( The validation of other guys on the internet and that ephemeral feeling of knowing/being cooler than others if you wanted to know).

So a few years ago I started to reach out to other guys I felt were successful (Brad P and AFC Adam most famously) and I created a PDF for the 12M2M guys called Long Term Success or something like that and it basically said you had to define success on your own terms and most specifically for your life that already exists.

While I think looking back on that 2 years later that's an important part of winning the game, it's not the only part. In fact over the last few years(but especially the last 4 months I lived in phoenix and the last 8 months since I moved) I've made huge strides in understanding how to align everything in your learning process for the most success possible and as a result my game has exploded as well as my inner psychology and lifestyle. But most importantly I finally feel at peace with my goals, game and life, which I never had until the last 6 months or so and I can finally explain how it all happened in this 3 part post.

Winning the game requires answers to a lot of difficult questions, it's definitely not easy but it is fairly simple. In order to win the game, you need to answer 3 definitive questions about yourself.

But obviously you can't just answer these questions, you also need to come up with or learn systems in order to put the information you learn into action.

But when it comes to winning, all you need to know is

WHY are you here? What brought you to a place where you needed to go online and find more information about meeting, attracting and seducing women. Now a lot of guys stop at the surface level. I did for years. "I just want to get laid" I'd say, but I never stopped to wonder why. Why did I want to sleep with at least 4 new girls a month for 2 years in Dallas? Why was I obsessed with new pussy? Etc. We're gonna talk more about the Why in this post.

Where am I now? Where is your life in reality. Most people don't live in reality. They live in their version of reality, which includes all sorts of messed up beliefs, bad habits, lack of goals, an overall plan, living in reaction, chaos, unhealthy lifestyles etc. You have to start where you are. A lot of guys start where they are then once they learn a little bit or get a little success, they warp their view of reality again. You must constantly work to understand where you are in the now.

How do I get there? This is where tactics and techniques come in to play. You need both a map of how you're going to get there(Your goals) as well as systems to implement so you can practice and track improvement.

Today's Lesson: The Why?

The why is possibly the most important of the questions, because inevitably your first why will lead to a second one and a third etc.

I've been saying on bootcamps for years that no one ends up here by accident. Most guys took that to mean just that they had problems with women. But ironically issues with women are usually just symptoms of greater life problems.

You MUST take the shroud of bullshit that we all come up with in our heads down in order to look at yourself honestly, admit something has to change and admit what you want.

A lot of guys really just want a girlfriend but feel pressured by the marketing or other guy's results to attempt to become some sort of player or something. A lot of guys might want to be players but also want to make partner at work or be something like that.

So by asking yourself why you're here, you look at all parts of your life.

Maybe you're here because you spent the last 10 years working on your career and neglecting your social life.

Maybe you're here because you desperately want to lose your viriginity

Maybe it's because you just got out of a relationship

or NEVER get the girl you want

Maybe you just want to get your ex-GF back.

Whatever led you here, ask yourself why you were in that situation.

Chances are that will lead to another situation and another until a pattern starts to emerge which will tell you a lot about why you get the results you do.

Eventually you will find a root cause to most of your problems, as long as you fight the urge to rationalize.

Once you do that, you can begin thinking about solutions, eventually leading to the formulation of goals with the Why in mind.

It is only through goals with the Why in mind that we can begin to make any progress on the where and the how.

JS-The King Of Content


  1. John, your posts have become so much more informative and deeper on many different levels in the past few months.


    C Capaldi

  2. Anonymous11:58 PM

    This is one of your best post. Thxs Jon.

  3. Thanks, I needed that...

  4. Awesome posts! It's good to have sombody looking at the bigger picture.

    I really liked this post!

  5. Really good stuff Sinn, thank you

  6. Anonymous6:38 AM