Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Ugh-Don't Read This if you don't like rambling posts about feelings ...

Ain’t no question if I want it, I need it
I can feel it slowly drifting away from me
I’m on the edge, so why you playing? I’m saying
I will never ever let you live this down, down, down

Sooo I wrote This Post a few weeks back and it must have worked like a reverse jinx, because I've actually been doing better with girls than ever.

Especially this late in the year...

However, all is not well in the Land of Jon...

Ever since a certain girl who subsequently went on to ruin my Birthday, sat me down to give me this horrible talk, I've been WAY too worried about the aftereffects of my actions.

Namely, I'm not a monogamous person, I bring this up early on and girls clearly understand that I'm not always looking for return business as evidenced by this text message I got from a girl I slept with on Sunday.

"Haha look all I'm saying is no pressure to get back ever ;P like I wouldn't mind doing this again, but if it was just a one time thing I get it LOL"

But for some reason I still feel like I hurt this girl's feelings...

I used to not care.

Actually that's not true, before I didn't care, I was REALLY angry at women. Specifically at my Barrie my first girlfriend, and at my Mom for cheating on my Dad.

Somewhere along the line I let that go, and I started to love and appreciate women again. But I was still detached, cold, very much in control of my emotions and actions.

At least when it came to women...

I went a LONG time without EVER getting emotionally involved with a woman. Sure there were a lot of girls I slept with, a decent amount I "dated", a couple I even saw for a long time. But no girl in LA,Dallas, or Miami got in...

until then there was Kristen.

And my pretty little illusion of control got shattered. I let my anti-intimacy forcefield down and got a year long reminder of why I was the way I was. Now that I'm finally out of it and don't want her anymore, I'm still haunted by the words she cried into her pillow that night, the night that should have been the end of our relationship.

"Think of all the girls out there who cry over you, that you never see."

Now I do, and it's changing my behavior.

I turned down a girl who was throwing herself at me over text because she was obviously looking for more commitment than she's going to get from me. Same thing with not hooking up with a friend's roommate recently... I'm thinking about the break ups and how I can make minimize the damage to her feelings as much as possible.

Which is not the most helpful thing to be thinking about...

Last night I called some friends of mine, and after all agreeing I'm crazy (I've admitted that for years) many of them thought this was a good thing.

Maybe but it's making my carefully crafted juggling act of a life much more difficult.

JS- The King of long winded overly dramatic posts about his feelings :)


  1. This feeling sucks. Sorry you're dealing with it, man. It was a few months after I started feeling this way that I met my wife and hung up my PUA hat for good.

    My mom cheated on my dad as well, and I definitely let the resulting attitude seep into my PUA tactics; not saying that's happening with you, just saying I've been there and it sucks when you start analyzing things and second-guessing yourself.

    Hope it works out for you, man.

  2. Anonymous12:42 PM

    You can't have it both ways. You either get yourself into a committed relationship or you play around and deal with all the emotional baggage that comes with that. I think I read this somewhere?

  3. Anonymous3:35 PM

    Good shit dude. This is what the blog is for too ya'know.

  4. Anonymous4:03 PM

    good post, pretty sure it gives everyone something to think about who follows you regularly

    appreciate it

  5. Hey Jon,

    Been a while since I commented, but I totally get that dude.

    Well I know things will work out better, they tend to.

    But you did inadvertently do touch on something not discussed often... The art of the break up.. I personally am going through something where I need to break up with someone but I can't do it to abruptly because it would mess her up... anyone got any ideas/tips/advice?


  6. Anonymous7:02 AM

    OP is a faggot

  7. I would say embrace it man

  8. Being totally emotionally detached from life is ultimately sustainable. It causes us to pursue courses of action which we think will make us happy, but never do. It's only when you let your guard down that you open yourself to the possibility of true contentment. You open yourself up to being hurt too in the process, but there can be no true happiness without first being vulnerable.

    Just my 2 cents :-)

  9. Nodys1:00 PM

    Ugh, I am just getting things working out in with what I have learned/tried so I just ran into this. So far, I am keeping things honest before we get to sex so I don't have to deal with the guilt of 'sex for relationship' breakups. But still, I wonder if the girls I am seeing are being hurt.