Monday, December 13, 2010

Frame Control Basics


Frame control is a really important and misunderstood topic on bootcamps, so I want to quickly post the basics of controlling the frame during a pick up.

The frame refers to the underlying meaning of the interaction.

When you're talking to a girl one of the two of you is going to set the underlying meaning of the interaction. This is because in order to move things forward, you both have to accept a frame(Underlying meaning of the interaction) that allows things to escalate.

There are many frames that can be set, depending on what you're trying to accomplish, but the overall idea is that we're trying to get the woman we're attracted to, to accept a helpful frame.

In general there are three basic ways to control the frame during the BEGINNING of an interaction.

1. Don't qualify yourself.

This is my favorite piece of advice, because every dating coach you'll meet, will tell you not to qualify yourself, before pulling out their digita cameras and asking you what you think the last girl they had sex with was on a 1-10 scale.

For the purpose of this discussion, we'll define qualification as anything you do that is obviously an attempt to influence the girl's opinion about you in a positive way.

Bragging, name dropping, defending yourself, etc... are all forms of qualifying yourself. You want to avoid this and instead ignore or agree with anything negative that comes your way.

2. Control the conversational subjects.

This doesn't mean you should be rude and cut girls off, but you do need to try to get the coversation on to topics that will make you look good.

For example, the only girls who share my musical taste live in the hood. So when music comes up I want to quickly switch topics onto something I'm good at talking about like relationships, women, traveling, psychology or writing.

3. Pass congruence tests.

Congruence tests happen when a girl is starting to get attracted to you, but she still isn't sure if you're actually cool.

In general getting tested is a good thing. Women don't tend to test men they are not attracted to. In fact with a certain type of girl, you can get all the way to sex by prompting and then passing a series of tests.

Tests generally happen when women ask you kinda bitchy questions while smiling and looking like they're having a good time. If a girl tells you to leave but she's laughing and touching your arm, it's a test. If she looks serious, it probably means you creeped out/offended them and you need to leave.

Examples are

" Are you a player?"
" Are you gay?"
" I'm not sleeping with you"
" Do you do this with every girl"

Any WAY overly emotional reaction to a cocky line or joke.

Luckily for you, there is a tried and tested formula for passing tests.

It is

1. Agree. This goes back to not qualifying yourself. Like in Jiu jitsu we're going to roll with the force of the attack rather than try to block it.

2. Exaggerate. Brad P calls this absurdifying, the point is that you have to now exaggerate your answer so much that it draws attention to how utterly stupid the question/reaction actually was. This is frame control, because you have to show her that you are NOT taking the question seriously in ANY way. If you answer tests seriously, you fail because it's the act of qualifying yourself to the girl on command that makes her lose attraction, not your actual answer.

3. Change the subject. This is where all the aspiring PUAs get it wrong, because sometimes girls will laugh and joke around back. Don't play into that, change the subject immediately so you can move the interaction forward.


Girl: " DO you do this with all the girls?"
Me: Yeah (Agree)
Me: I actually can only talk with you for another minute or two cause I have a threesome lined up for about 15 minutes from now. (Absurdify)
Me: You totally remind me of my friend Kelly ( Change the subject)

Hope that helps clarify what is meant when people say " control the frame!" and pound their fist on a metaphorical PUA table.

JS- The King Of Content


  1. Good post, many interesting points.

    Also I found some things that are not beneficial for PU practitioners IMO.

    Especially this one - "Don't qualify yourself...we'll define qualification as anything you do that is obviously an attempt to influence the girl's opinion about you in a positive way."

    Sinn, you said the right thing, but I bet that many of guys we'll miss the keyword here, and that word is OBVIOUSLY!

    Point is do not qualify yourself in obvious (stupid, stereotype) way, because more often than not that could make her resisting it.

    But, all pickup is about mutual qualifying (her to you and you to her). Without that ingredient - there is no seduction.

    Instead of "don't qualify" I'd rather say: Qualify yourself - smart way.

  2. I realized I was dancing monkey for a bit yesterday, so I asked her to make an animal noise (hoops, I guess?). It would have been a mutual qualification thing if she complied. She didn't. The interaction would have continued if I changed the subject. I didn't.

    Totally should have read this before today.