Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Mailbag # 2 Dates- A How To :Part 1

Hey Sinn,

I love your blog.

I have been in the game for a while and can get constant D2s but no D3s. If you could describe the perfect D2 how would it be? Should you make a deep connection or stay superficial, should you make future plans, should you kiss, should you go for same day? I know that a lot of guys have problems with the D2, but somehow this area is not well described.

Looking forward to your response,

Daniel, Sweden

Hey Daniel,

First of all stop calling dates d2s. I never really understood that. It was like somehow if we called them something else it doesn't set the "dating" frame. What's wrong with the dating frame? Women do sleep with guys they go on dates with. Just this Sun I had a girl tell me she never sleeps with guys on the first date. After I had just fucked her on our first date where we went to dinner... There's nothing inherently wrong with the dating frame. There's something wrong with the " I'm trying to impress you" frame. Anyway enough of my ranting about semantics. I just think the terminology is really weird and I was always waiting for one of the community guys I used to hang out with to refer to his girlfriend coming over as a day 46.

The most important thing in my mind about dates is where they start. There's only one correct answer here and that's at your place. Now this assumes you live near where your date is going to happen. If you don't something is wrong and you should plan a date closer to your place. There are always cool neighborhood bars, coffee shops, restaurants etc, near where you live. You just need to get out and actually find them.

So you've set up your date( Which could and should be a separate post in and of itself) and you tell her to meet you at your place " Call me when you get there and I'll come out." Then when they call I come outside but whoops I forgot my wallet. That means we have to go back up. It's vitally important that you get the girl used to her being in your place without you trying to make a move on her. My wing Captain Jack alternatively tries to escalate when they come in and if he can't close them then( Which is rare for him) he takes them on the date. That's another strategy though he does have super powers so mere mortals should use that at their own risk. Back to the previous point showing a woman your home takes away the fear of the unknown for her and it will be far easier to get her back to your place later.

The next thing EVERY date needs is multiple venues. The more place you spend time with a woman in the longer it will feel like she has known you. My particular date goes through up to 7 different locations not counting my place. The best thing is none of them are more than 3 blocks from my place. This is how you can do dinner dates without setting up a traditional dinner date. In the middle of doing something else just casually mention how hungry you are and suggest stopping in somewhere for a bite.

Now while you're on the date you should be filling in the empty canvas of your life. Now is the time to talk about your hopes and dreams, the things you are passionate about, your friends, and family, hobbies etc.. It's time to literally be yourself. One of the things every girl will think when she's on a date with you is " How would my life be different if this guy were my boyfriend"
So you want to make sure you paint a vivid picture of your life. I tend to rant about things because that's how I am. I also run my grounding sequence on my first date as I know I'll have her undivided attention for at least 25 minutes.

You asked if you should keep it superficial or get deeper. My answer is that you should get deep but be fun! A lot of guys will make the mistake of neglecting attraction entirely on the date. You need to remind her periodically of why she was attracted to you in the first place. Fun is the most important factor in all of your dealings with women but especially with dates. If she's having fun whatever you are actually doing doesn't matter. Conversely if she isn't having fun you could be doing her favorite thing in the world and she'll hate it and you. Keep things playful and flirty the entire way but don't be afraid to demonstrate your passion and the things you actually care about.

Kissing- You asked if you should kiss or not. You should be kissing the girl as soon as you think you can. If you made out when you met her then you have to be able to tell when she hugs you hello if you can kiss her right away. Usually I will hold off on kissing in the beginning to build some more sexual tension for later.

Tomor I'll finish up this article by talking about how to build sexual tension on a date, how to escalate physically, how to get her back to your house at the end and much much more.

Same Sinn time, same Sinn station



  1. Anonymous6:08 PM

    Another terrific post. And thanks for the "oops, forgot my wallet" piece. This has been a sticking point with me -- getting into a micro tug-of-war when the girl wants me to come out without ever coming up to my place. This is a simple yet cunning way of solving this problem.

    The idea of meeting girls at my place before going out is deceptively minor, but it is probably the single biggest thing that has revolutionized my dating life. My percentage of scoring on second dates (I'm not an SNL or 1st-date guy, at least not yet) went from <5% to at least 75% with this one change.

    Anyway, thanks for all of the value you give here & elsewhere.

  2. Anonymous8:32 PM

    Im def looking forward to your how to build sexual tension post since this is one of my major sticking points.

  3. Anonymous7:42 AM

    once again a very insightful post. thanks a lot, sinn.

    on a general note, splitting from tmm and running your own company now is probably the best thing that could happen to the whole community since the release of tyler's blueprint ;-)

    your posts, views and publications have become so more balanced and positive that i'm now really looking forward to your bootcamp schedule, because i finally want to attend.

  4. Anonymous6:59 PM

    Great post...ok, problem here too.

    I'm fine with rapport, keeping it light and playful and fun.

    BUT, this is what a gay guy can provide, or a girlfriend.

    Where and how do you start introducing the sexuality??? withOUT
    coming off as creepy. Are there signs she gives that say 'go ahead' I'm ready to be touched, or the opposite. I think a lot of us have a HUGE issue with sexualizing interactions.


  5. Anonymous10:50 PM

    I love this blog, its the only one I consistently check for updates. I'm really working forward to the "workout routines" that you mentioned in your interviews. If you look at professional athletes, they didn't get good by just playing the game a lot. They have workouts and drills to improves focused aspects of their game. Really excited to see what your coming up with Sinn.

    I'm sure Sinn will cover it tomorrow. But escalating touch is key. All the routines and verbal communication is really just meant to distract the mind while we escalate touch. TOUCH IS THE GAME. And probably the most important thing in escalating touch is the TAKEAWAY. Even if an escalation borders on creepiness, you can make her feel even more uncomfortable with the takeaway, thus after the takeaway she'd actually prefer you to touch her. Hope that helps.

  6. Sinn recently spoke about kino escalation in his latest video blog.

    he told that he teaches 3 basic rules, which are:
    1. start touching her right away
    2. always be the first one to pull back
    3. alway make bigger moves

    so you can start with giving her a high five, than you can hug her, let her give you a kiss on the sheek, do an almost kiss all the way up to sex.

    it's important to just try things out and see how she responds. you should always expect succes, and act accordingly.

  7. Anonymous3:09 AM

    Hey Sinn,

    what a great post. Your breakdown of the date was great. Yes, I will stop calling it D2:)

    Looking forward to your perspective on creating sexual tension. I believe that by creating sexual tension you could prevent LMR. Many times I have got the girl back at my place but because there is no tension it doesn't lead to sex. Sexual tension must be done early and I hope you will break it down for us guys.


  8. Anonymous7:11 AM

    Sinn - you are truly taking all of this to a new and enlightened level, can't thank you enough for integrating so many schools of thought and adding your own unique perspective. It makes for killer insights.

    Ditto to what "anonymous #4" said about sexualizing interactions and setting sexual frames early on in a natural and smooth way. Also, the "I forgot my wallet" idea seems to me like a difficult one to be smooth with without raising suspicion and resistance. Perhaps that's just an inner game issue for me, but any other ideas on how to deal with resistance or alternative routes to getting her to come in before the date would be much appreciated.

  9. Anonymous9:03 AM

    Another great post, Sinn. I want to add a couple of things re: getting her into your place. "If I don't piss before we go, I'm gonna asplode!" Or "I need a drink of water".
    Either of these will work at HER place as well, for those occasions when you're picking her up or dropping her off. Now my wing suggested the "need a drink of water" thing and I said "not plausable enough!" He said "exactly!" and explained that she knows (subconsciously at least) why you need a drink of water; to get her alone in your/her place!

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