I’ve been getting some great questions recently from you guys, so I highly encourage all of you to keep them coming in. For those that don’t know, you can send any question you have to me at Sinnstravel at gmail.com and if it’s interesting, it’ll make the next edition of the mailbag. You get extra points for originality
Let’s take our first caller…
I have a question:
I've been practicing the game for a while and can feel a lot of improvement.
I have routines, know the techniques, approaching girls at bars and even had a
few same night lays.
One thing that I haven't been able to overcome is going out alone. I
understand that this is an important thing to do as part of becoming a PUA.
Also, it would enable me to go out more since my friends are not into the game
as much as I am and sometimes prefer to stay home. But when I'm alone at a
bar, my self confidences is low and it's much harder for me to approach girls
How do I overcome this?
Great question Yaron,
I personally really like going out alone. It’s less hassle getting everything organized, you don’t have to wait for your friends to get there, you don’t have the distraction of standing around talking to your buddies, and it’s a great feeling to leave your house alone and come back with a beautiful woman. It also makes approaching WAY easier because if you don’t approach you’re just standing around by yourself, which is not particularly fun.
When I first started going out alone, I always felt like EVERYONE in the bar knew I was there by myself and was judging me for it. So one night I decided to do an experiment. I went to a bar and stood in the middle of the bar by myself, not talking to anybody. I was fully expecting people to give me dirty looks or make comments, but nothing happened. Then the next night I went out alone again and this time did a bunch of approaches, I was sure every group was going to ask me where my friends were. And it never happened. Because people really don’t care. The biggest hurdle to going out alone is getting over the feeling that people will think you’re less cool for being out alone.
Ok so now that you know what the problem is, let’s look at some things you can do tonight to fix it.
1. Getting in the batter’s box. This is something my buddy Fastlife once said to me that has always stuck. He said the hardest part of going out alone is getting yourself going. I know how it is, you’re sitting around your house debating with yourself about whether to go out or stay in. You list all the reasons for and against going out, flip through your phone looking for girls you could call to come over, etc.. But what if instead of that, you simply started to get ready. While you’re debating with yourself, hop in the shower, or shave or pick out an outfit for that night. This will help get the ball rolling and then once you’re clean, shaved, dressed etc.. You’ll feel like you have to go out.
2. Approach the first girl you see in the venue. Nothing kills your state when you’re out alone faster than standing around with a drink in your hand. So instead as soon as you walk into the venue, start talking to the first girl you see. If there aren’t any girls in the bar yet, then talk to the first guy you see. A lot of guys underestimate the power of being talkative. The more of a talkative mood you’re in, the easier it will be to approach.
3. Set a certain number of approaches you HAVE to do. It doesn’t have to be overly ambitious, but make sure that you set a goal for the amount of approaches you have to do and don’t let yourself go home until you complete them.
4. Establish a home base. This is one of the best and easiest things to do when you go out by yourself. A home base is where you’re going to be when you are in between approaches. You don’t want to be standing by yourself, so you make friends with either a group of girls you’re not interested in gaming or a group of guys. Then you periodically check in with them throughout the night when you need a break or there aren’t any girls you’re interested in approaching.
Going out alone is either normal or weird based on how YOU feel about it.
Question on smooth Kino Escalation.
Hopefully you can shed some light on this subject. I understand that calibration plays a huge role in this. What i've found is that I am personally way too into my head. Like I feel like i'm invading the girl's space if I simply give her a hug or it just doesn't feel natural. I am definitely not a natural touchy feely guy and grew up almost never touching girls. Not even simple high fives or hugs or whatever. I watched one of my friends at work today and he just naturally threw up a high five rewarding her for something he thought was cool. Like when I see my friends grab or play with the girls I can totally see their BT go through the roof.
I feel like theres this space between me and the girl, and i'm just chatting. I've been complimented on my voice and smoothness plenty of times but im missing that half where I see the more alpha guys taking control physically.
So I started learning a little bit of palm reading and using the penny, nickel dime routine as an excuse to hold the hand. but that just makes me not the fun/playful guy but the serious guy yet again.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate any advice
First can we all agree to stop calling it kino and simply call it touching? Deal?
Let’s figure out what the real issue is here. It’s that you’re not comfortable touching girls. That’s fine I was not a naturally touchy guy either. In fact it got so bad that one time on a bootcamp in Toronto Savoy came up to me to ask me if I knew if there was a casino around where he could play some keno because the students hadn’t seen any keno all night.
So what I did was I came up with a simple structure to guide my touching. It went like this:
1. Playful touching- This is stuff like playfully shoving her, flicking her on the arm, patting her pompously, etc.. This is the stuff that happens early on. With touching the earlier you do it the more you will seem like a naturally touchy guy.
2. Hand touching- This is stuff like high fives, thumb wars, playfully slapping her hand, so on and so forth.
3. Arm in arm- This will happen as you’re qualifying girls. She says something you like you take her hand, place it on your arm and say “That’s all you get.” You can also do this when you’re moving a girl by asking her if she’s the romantic type and holding your arm out for her to link through.
4. Arm around. This is another reward type of touching. She says or does something you like and you pull her in by her waist. There’s an easy way to tell if she’s attracted here, because she will put her arm back around you if she likes it.
5. Hand holding. The best way to hand hold, is to suggest moving and then hold your hand back for her to grab.
6. Kissing- There’s a variety of ways to kiss, but my favorite is what’s called the almost kiss. This is where in the middle of talking to her, you stop and say
“ I’m sorry, I’m having a really hard time talking to you, because I keep thinking about kissing you. But I understand we’re not ready for that yet. So we’re going to do an almost kiss. We’re going to get really close, but you’re not allowed to kiss me and I’m not allowed to kiss you. If you kiss me it will ruin all trust in our relationship.”
Then you lean forward and get as close to her lips as you can without touching them. Then you push her away and go back to talking. 5-10 minutes later you can go back in for another almost kiss at which point the girl will almost always kiss you.
That’s a good start for ya Mark. The key with touching is that you have to act like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
I would like an opinion from You. A guy approaches a Women in person and the Women shows the guy indicators of interest by making eye contact, smiling, laughing with him during the entire lengthly conversation. He then ask her 5 mins laters before he leaves "If she would like to see him again?" and she says yes. The guy then gives her his cell phone and she puts in her name and number. On the 3rd day the guy calls this Women and on the 5th ring he gets her voice mail. He leaves a message with his name & number and other things but doesn't get a call back. 8 days go by and he calls her again but gets her voicemail and leaves another new message. This time he doesn't say his name or number because he left it on his first voicemail. The guy figures that she would recognize his voice and knew it was him from the first time.
Should the guy wait 9 more days to pass before he calls again to leave another voice message? Why would a Women give a guy her real cell phone number but not answer her phone or return his calls? When should this guy give up on calling her? How many voicemails should this guy leave for her before he hears from her again? The guy understands how some Women just like the attention or dont want to seem too easy.
Ok we’ll call this portion of the mailbag “ She’s just not that into you”.
Newsflash guys, women give out their phone numbers all the time. The phone number isn’t worth the paper it’s written on, or in this case the phone it’s stored in. Sometimes women will eve give you their phone number to get rid of you. This isn’t the seventies when a phone number meant something. Every girl who has a cell phone, has caller ID and she can pretty much avoid any guy she wants to, and guess what she wants to avoid you.
The major mistake you made here, was not setting up a date. Getting phone numbers and agreeing to see each other again sometime, is a stairway to heaven. Instead what you want to do is suggest an activity at a specific time and place that you guys can do together. This could be as simple as mentioning how you’re going to a comedy show this Thursday early in the conversation and then bringing it up again and inviting her when you want to get her phone number. By making her commit to a certain time and place you will see if she’s actually interested or if she’s just being polite. This way she can say “I’m sorry I’m busy that night.” And if she doesn’t suggest alternative plans, you know you have a potential flake on your hands.
Now you made a few other mistakes as well. First you waited too long to call her. On a cold approach you want to call the very next day. The reason being that she doesn’t have a whole lot invested in you unlike a guy in her social circle, who she’ll have to see again. Then you waited an ungodly amount of time to follow up when she didn’t call you back. 8 days is ridiculous. You want to keep following up every day or other day until you either get her on the phone, or you get distracted by all the other girls you have in the pipeline. You do have other girls in the pipeline right?
Oh wait, no you don’t otherwise you wouldn’t be so obviously hurt by this girl not returning your calls.
Sorry for the harsh love but this is the real world and not every girl that you think you have a connection with is going to call you back. The solution is to go out and meet more women.
That’s gonna wrap it up like a guy who picks up chicks at the free clinic.
Till next time,