Wednesday, May 04, 2011

The Becca Mistake

I'm writing this more for me than for you.

Once upon a time someone said that if you make a really big mistake with a girl you should name it after her and then make sure that you don't repeat it.

In my life I have made roughly a Kajillion mistakes with women(Technical term).

However there are only 3 so far that I have named after girls.

1. The Christeanna mistake refers to when I had the most ridiculously hot girl ever interested and in my apt at 3 AM and couldn't make a move cause I was too into her. I fixed this with Meggan in Dallas by making sure that even when I'm super ridiculously stupidly into a girl, I keep things sexual at the same time.

2. The Jamie mistake refers to a habit I used to have of getting WAY too drunk around women I liked, which then leads me to doing stupid things like telling this girl I thought i was falling for her on our 2nd date (with the help of a half bottle of vodka). Also haven't made this mistake in like 5 years either...

3. The Kristen mistake was last year when I was in love with Kristen but kept holding on to the idea that we weren't exclusive because "I don't do exclusive". This led to me never committing to her despite the fact that I wasn't sleeping with other girls or even really interested in other girls while I was with her. Eventually this killed the relationship and even more unfortunately our friendship...

Now I've realized another sticking point I have that needs to be named and eliminated.

I'm going to call this the "Becca" mistake. Becca is the girl with really good game that I have been... I don't even know what to call it anymore.

But the mistake/sticking point I do understand.

I need to be more efficient with language and stop texting back and forth with girls all day. In fact as of yesterday I have established a new rule for myself for texting. I will no longer text any 1 particular girl for more than 5 exchanges a day. Everything that needs to be done through text from flirting to setting up a date can be done in 5 back and forths.

The issue here is that I REALLY like smart funny girls. A girl who can make me laugh thru text is worth her weight in gold to me. But this leads to situations like Friday where I texted back and forth with Becks all day and then she blew me off to hang out with another guy she is seeing. But not before sending me a picture of the outfit she was going to wear out with him...

As Captain Jack said when I spoke told him about it Sunday " That's the behavior of a girl trying to get murdered."

Really though the whole situation is my fault as I got caught up in the whirlwind of texting and the fact that we did actually sleep together and missed/ignored a lot of signs. I was overly arrogant about the fact that if a girl interacts with me long enough we will almost certainly sleep together. As I often say on a long enough timeline the chances any particular girl who is around me won't sleep with me drop to 0. But I didn't look at the fact that I was getting played, and that I was more invested than her. Which never works.

The other part of this sticking point, is that due to the overly verbose nature of my life, I tend to talk too much in both real life conversations and text. Which leads to 45 minute convos with girl with an amazing vibe but without the needed qualification/investment/commitment necessary to prevent flakes once the memory of the amazingly attractive vibe fades away. So I need to make an active effort to actually "game" and not just get caught up in the fact that girls like talking to me and I like talking to them.

It would also help if I could start being more concise but the long rambling nature of this blog post makes me feel silly about writing I need to be more efficient with language here.

I think I've clarified this enough for myself now.



  1. Anonymous9:39 AM

    I actually really dig this post a lot. Too many dudes have this weird notion that guys who teach game just never fuck up. Which is definitely not true. Being able to let down a front and actually admit your mistakes is critical to improving, but insecure dudes will probably clown you about not having PUA superpowers or whatever. Besides, keeping it 100 keeps you from being a weed sociopath like a certain dude who's name rhymes with 'teal blouse'. You might have heard of him :).

  2. I agree fully with the above poster and the problems you identified with also helped us learn to avoid these problems through example.

    Like always, very entertaining. 2 Awesome quotes I found from this

    " That's the behavior of a girl trying to get murdered." This ones straight lulzy

    "As I often say on a long enough timeline the chances any particular girl who is around me won't sleep with me drop to 0." Nice Fight Club reference lol

  3. Anonymous6:40 PM

    Wat up my dude. Wuz in one of ur programs one time. and still read ur blog. funny ass shit on ur blog wit the neil shit. u cj and judge helped me wit my game alot and just wanted to drop u a line and say thanks. say wats up to alex for me to cause he wuz on my program as an instructer. i dont fuck wit the pua shit to much anymore but i read the blogs for fun kinda you can say. but im def doin well now and just keep it basic and yall were part of my journey. holla at me if your ever in jer shun. well blaze an el and hit sum ill spots. I no all the spots iwt all the FLAAAAAAvors!!! lmao. keep doin ur thing. fuck these bitch as keyborad haters. JERZ BITCH -T yo sinn you no my email and all that. haha

  4. Hey dude,
    I agree with the guy above. Too many teachers do go around acting like they've never fucked up.

    You having the gall to go out and openly tell us, your readers (among haters), that you messed up then gave a valid learning lesson out of this for others.

    Thanks for that Jon.

    By the way I definitely loved Seduction Roadmap because it really helped me out with my game and have recommended it to a few of my close friends.


  5. I'm confused.

    It sounds like you're saying the reason she blew you off is because you texted her too much.

    Isn't it possible she's just an asshole? That seems like a more credible explanation based on what else you've written about her.

  6. Anonymous6:33 PM

    @Dan B...exactly. Even if you didn't escalate, that in and of itself doesn't excuse her (IMO) childish and gamey tactics. One thing I make a point of doing is making sure I severely punish a bitch if she starts trying to get too gamey. I drop their asses cold and give them absolutely no attention.

    Cut all losses and don't look back. I swear I had a chick text me to hang out this morning who I dropped like this around Valentine's Day. I REALLY didn't know who she was because I delete any chick's number if I haven't banged in 2 wks. My world, my rules. I'm not a rude or overbearing guy but I refuse to let women run game on me for the simple possibility of some pussy.

  7. Anonymous7:50 PM

    killer post dude.

    since your advice is so useful to me, i'll provide some in return.

    IMHO your issue is that you've not fully internalized the dynamics of push/pull. this directly ties into her investing and qualification. if the girl isn't completely sure she's got you, she'll invest more. you're probably over IOI'ing. thus, push pull. u gotta keep it always confusing for her as to whether she's "got you" or not yet.

    given you already nailed her, this is a moderately unusual case.

    just blow her off for a while, she'll come back around. and then tell us about how it went. :-)

  8. Anonymous3:10 PM

    To the post above;
    are you seriously giving advice to #1 PUA in the world? get a life

  9. Anonymous11:36 PM

    hi Jon,

    Love your content, your posts in the last three months have been especially insightful to me.

    You've often written about how before sex the girl has more "power" in the relationship than the guy, but after sex this dynamic reverses.

    Because this girl is a "player" maybe her having had sex with you has not had the usual effect of changing this dynamic: it will require some sort of other type of investment, perhaps emotional rather than sexual, to change the dynamic.

  10. this girl is nuts. run. you have options. sending a pic of her clothes for another date while sleeping with you is not normal, emotionally healthly behaviour. you are overinvested in a nutjob, which doesnt tend to end well.

    just my .02, maybe you know better but thats how it looks from the outside.

  11. Anonymous6:57 PM

    What about the Barrie Eden mistake? Did you learn anything from that experience?

  12. Anonymous8:01 PM

    So basically you suck with women. Cool.

  13. A lot of retarded comments here. Everyone seems to have a black and white image of dating and relationships.

  14. Anonymous2:49 AM

    You are made of skittles.

  15. Anonymous9:04 PM

    This article really helped me out, I know everyone has made big mistakes, but actually putting it out there and letting me know you can actually relate is huge. I used to be close to a natural not having too many problems. Then my life took a unknowing 5 year decay.

    The Kaitlyn Mistake
    I work part time with this girl, asked her out, found out she had a boyfriend. A week later wrote her a semi love letter ended with "i want to get to know you more". She freaked, and things are incredibly awkward now. I try to be cool about it, but my oneitis has worn off and I see how blind i was, and realize pursuing her was a terrible idea. Now im unconsciously mean to her because she is actual a really big, immature bitch.

    In short, I found the Community a month after this happened and now am trying to fix my rut.

    Thank you

  16. I wish for people, men AND women to drop their guards and just be open to one another. I think it's completely ridiculous that guys need this 'gaming'...I know women can be horrible. Goes for guys too. And bad experiences really can mark you for a long time. But maybe we all need to learn a totally different approach to life and love in general. Aren't we all just looking for the same thing after all?