Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Importance Of Relaxation In Pickup

One of the biggest things I've realized as
I've gotten better with women, is that one
of the core skills related to socializing
in general is the ability to relax befor
and during a conversation.

The ability to be relaxed, especially
during the beginning of a cold approach,
conveys a lot of things about you. It shows that
you are confident, used to being around
beautiful women, comfortable.

Plus it allows the woman to relax.

I remember when I started approaching
"hotter" girls, I realized something
startling. There were certain types
of girls I could approach and actually
feel "cooler" than. Some of them were
even extremely attractive. When I approached
these girls, I'd ALWAYS do well, because
I was relaxed "Knowing" I'd do well with

But for whatever reason, they weren't
the kinds of girls I really wanted.

And those girls(The ones I really wanted),
would make me a nervous,mess.

I would stammer, speak softly and weakly,
avoid eye contact.

All because I REALLY wanted them and because
of that I made the interaction WAY too important.

This buildup made it nearly impossible for me to
relax when I approached them.

Even when I ALREADY knew what to do and could do it
successfully with other girls.

So what did I do?

Two things.

First I progressively desensitized myself by FORCING
myself to talk to every hot girl I saw even if it was
just to squeak out a "hi"and run away.

Secondly I learned some relaxation techniques like
15 second breaths, Achievement statements, and muscular
relaxation techniques. But more importantly I focused all
my attention(after I started a conversation) on relaxing.
Sometimes I'd even look for a little flaw on the girl to
help myself not be intimidated by her looks.

And now I can talk to any girl, anywhere, regardless of their
looks or the situation while staying totally relaxed at all times.

Especially with the girls I REALLY like.

I'd also recommend daily stretching and meditation to help
with creating a more laid back presence both physically and

JS- The King Of Content


  1. I totally agree with this about relaxation. I recently started doing some guided relaxation every day and found I felt more relaxed talking to women.

    I think that being relaxed also allows you to be able to think more without catastrophising any thoughts that go through your head during the conversation.

    Great post Jon!

  2. Anonymous4:08 AM

    I remember, when I first started with pick-up, that I also used to register tiny flaws in a woman's appearance. That really really helped me with not being nervous.

  3. Anonymous7:34 AM

    I agree with ya Sinn and Sonic,

    When you are worried about shit, you have doubt... and doubt fucking blows when you are trying to smoothly run shit heh.

    But fuck man, I have this problem and it sucks. I can talk to girls I don't wanna get with FINE. As soon as I decide "I wanna bang" I always FUCK IT UP!!! Pisses me off, cus I'm my own worse enemy lol. I'm a super chill person normally (smoke weed). I just gotta put myself out there more with girls I am immediately like "I wanna bang"... yup.


  4. Anonymous7:45 AM

    "I'd even look for a little flaw on the girl to
    help myself not be intimidated by her looks."

    Really cool. What's going on with the podcast Mr. Jon? I really enjoyed them...(except the last one which was b**)

  5. Like we learned in sports: playing cautiously always leads to getting injured. You lay out a perfect action plan for getting over approach anxiety. It doesn't happen on its own.

  6. Anonymous5:07 PM

    No matter how much I want to approach, I just cannot muster the courage/confidence to do it and I don't think relaxation techniques will help. Its how my mental thought process works. I wonder how many people within the pickup community have or have had actual social anxiety. I have suffered and still suffer with social anxiety, I have really poor self-esteem and self-confidence and no matter how I psyche myself up I just can't force myself to do it. Its very demoralizing but I can't push myself to initiate it. I see the girl, I start walking to her and then I think "Oh shit" and immediately puss out. I don't know anyone who has struggled with AA as much as I have, I've never read about it. I mean people will say, "I was really nervous about approaching this girl, but I did it". Its more than just AA for me, I would go so far to say that even within the conversation I would be terrified, its not just the approach. I think I have a phobia with attractive women. I'm just unable to do it regardless of the circumstances. I puss out every time, so scared of being rejected and having my ego further weakened. It feels pretty hopeless...