Monday, April 12, 2010

Managing Expectations...

It's 5PM on a Thursday, my phone which is always kept on silent, lights up, it's a girl I've been seeing for about two weeks. We had sex the first night we met, and I could sense she's been getting attached, ever since...

Girl: So do you even want to see me again? Because I've been thinking about you and I don't want to waste my time, if you're not thinking about me.

This is not the first passive aggressive text of this manner I've gotten from this girl. In fact even though she's coming out of a fairly bad break-up and says she isn't looking for anything, her actions say otherwise. She's loaning me books, bringing up the fact that she always texts me first, or that I didn't ask her out after we had sex. All the classic signs of a girl trying to slowly and non confrontationally flesh out the feelings I'm having for her.

It's now time for what has become for me the most challenging part of pick-up, managing expectations. Forget all the shit you've heard about leaving women "better than you found them." that's a lollipops and ice cream fantasy other teachers want to sell you on. The truth is when you consistently date 3-4 girls at a time, shit can get messy. REALLY MESSY.

My goal is to try to not hurt anyone's feelings, or give a girl a false sense of hope about me changing and suddenly becoming her boyfriend. No, I simply want to keep the girl from having to cry over me, or hurt her ability to trust men later on in her life. In laymen's terms, I don't want to screw girls over. I try to be as honest as possible without being hurtful. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not.

Back to Thursday...

JS: I definitely like you, and want to hang out again, but like I told you in the beginning, I'm DEF not looking for anything serious. Getting too attached or emotional about me is a REALLY bad idea.

G: I know, I'm totally not that girl right now.

JS: Good, I just want to be really honest here, because I'm not a boyfriend for real. So no Sticky feelings, K :)

G: LOL yeah. I just think we get along really well. You're smart. I like smart.

JS: Thanks, I have fun with you too!

And it's over for now, even though I'll get another two passive aggressive texts over the weekend, ironically as I'm on a date with another girl ( I swear girls can psychically tell). I understand that these type of relationships don't last forever and I'm fine with it. I'm just not fine with the idea of telling every girl she's my soul mate or perfect for me, or leading them on in a way where they don't see me and the relationship in a realistic light.

Like I said in text no sticky feelings!

Everyone is going to have their own ideas about handling expectations, these are just my own based on wanting to not emotionally mind fuck too many girls over out there. Plus it's a pain in the ass dealing with broken car windows and drinks to the face :)

JS- The King of Content


  1. You're dead on when you say shit can get messy. A rotation of 3-4 can practically turn into a full-time job if you let it...

  2. Anonymous3:13 PM

    It's definitely a tough call. People do have feelings and feelings do tend to grow for people. It happens.

    Just out of curiosity, have you ever been in the opposite case? Where you were having feelings for a girl and you kind of started to have thoughts about something serious with her, but she wasn't looking for that?

    How would you handle that situation?

  3. Christian6:23 AM

    You of all people should be aware that a sentence like "Getting too attached or emotional about me is a REALLY bad idea" will result in the exact opposite of what you actually want and make her want you for herself even more, thereby increasing her level of suffering. I think "Breakup-Game" and smooth management of girls still has a long way to go. Everyone still focuses on getting the girls, but what happens later isn't given enough attention yet.

  4. Anonymous8:25 AM

    Hey sinn, what happened to the podcast?

  5. Anonymous12:46 PM

    dude when is the next podcast

  6. I just wonder why you couldn't communicate all this BEFORE you slept together. Or did you? Doesn't seem so from the description.

    I agree with Christian that what you said is probably going to get her even more interested in you now.

    Dating 3-4 women sounds great and exotic and it's more than what most men can do, but if you're not being honest about it, then no one wins fullstop.

  7. This is definitely the dark side of pick-up. Its been the by far the biggest issue in my journey. I just can't be the guy hurts people or creates drama and that has held me back a lot but I understand the only way to learn is to go through it. I been on both ends, I been hurt and have been the one that causes pain and discomfort. It really sucks but you gotta look out for your own well being first.

    Thanks Sinn, this is an over looked topic in the community. I would love to hear more information and ideas about this.

  8. Anonymous7:17 PM

    I fully agree, that the PUA community does an abysmal job covering this important topic,
    that'd be good to have discussed on the currently totally dead Sinn discussion forum. Like what if a lady goes psycho on you after informing to her that you're not after something that'd be seriously committed, or if a lady directs a tirade of abuse against you, for deceiving her. Please continue discussing this topic again in more articles and/or also in any future podcast.

  9. I love that philosophy of it's bull to leave them better than you found em. Just be ethical on your part and accept that that's where they are right now. They're attached and it's not always your fault unless you built too much attraction for a one night stand or something.

  10. Anonymous4:49 PM

    the community is a bunch of fuckin faggots who suck wiht women who banter about how they are good with women to make themselves feel better about themselves

    that being said, i liked this post sinn. managing expectations is fucking really important, they way i do it is by being completely honest. usually i find you to be kind of a prick, but you keep writing DAMN GOOD stuff. its annoying in a sense. either way, you understand this stuff better than 99% of men. so keep it up fuckface.

  11. Honest without being hurtful - that says it all right there. Great point man.

  12. you should have a product or a seminar on this! for real! for me it is a major sticking point!

  13. you should have a seminar or a product on this! for me it is a MAJOR STICKING POINT! what do i do after sex? i dont want to get hurt or fuck up like i previously did! please comment, thank you!