Here's a good piece of advice that many guys(including myself sometimes) don't take.
Whenever you're interacting with a woman, whether it's the first time you meet her, through the phone, or on a date you should always end the interaction first.
This does a few things:
1. It may end the interaction before she wants it to end leaving her wanting more but not getting it.
2. It shows you are a busy guy creating scarcity.
3. Most importantly it keeps you from looking like the needy guy hanging on to the conversation with a girl for as long as he possibly can.
You don't need to be rude about it, but a simple "Oh man I totally have to run" can be used to end any conversation.
And if you've been running good game then you should already have her phone number or have set up a date well before the conversation starts to linger creating the perfect time for an exit.
Hope that helps,
JS
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Eye Contact
Eye contact is a tricky subject, for 2 reasons:
1. It's a pretty important "Basic" skill. Without making good eye contact, it is very hard to display confidence and you can end up looking insecure, or worse shady.
2. There's no such thing as "SEDUCTIVE" eye contact. Eye contact is important but it's not like you're going to figure out some sort of Rasputin-y eye contact magic that makes girls fall in love with you just by looking at them.
So how do we bring these two ideas into alignment?
Pretty easily actually, eye contact is MOST important on the approach, you want to make nice, comfortable eye contact with the girl/group you are approaching.
When I say nice comfortable eye contact I mean holding EC for at least 1-2 seconds before looking away. Generally you want to hold EC until the girl looks away but you want to avoid staring as that is creepy, so never hold the EC for longer than 3 seconds without looking away.
Another way to use EC is as an emphasis. If in Attraction I want to make a point, I can double up on eye contact as I'm talking. Generally as you're talking you want to make and break eye contact on that 1-3 second pattern.
With a group it's necessary to spread the EC out with the entire group rather than just stare at one girl the whole time.
To get more advanced you can start to think about what different kinds of looks you could use with EC for example giving a woman a funny look is very different than a sexy look but both require strong EC to make happen.
Hope that helps.
JS
1. It's a pretty important "Basic" skill. Without making good eye contact, it is very hard to display confidence and you can end up looking insecure, or worse shady.
2. There's no such thing as "SEDUCTIVE" eye contact. Eye contact is important but it's not like you're going to figure out some sort of Rasputin-y eye contact magic that makes girls fall in love with you just by looking at them.
So how do we bring these two ideas into alignment?
Pretty easily actually, eye contact is MOST important on the approach, you want to make nice, comfortable eye contact with the girl/group you are approaching.
When I say nice comfortable eye contact I mean holding EC for at least 1-2 seconds before looking away. Generally you want to hold EC until the girl looks away but you want to avoid staring as that is creepy, so never hold the EC for longer than 3 seconds without looking away.
Another way to use EC is as an emphasis. If in Attraction I want to make a point, I can double up on eye contact as I'm talking. Generally as you're talking you want to make and break eye contact on that 1-3 second pattern.
With a group it's necessary to spread the EC out with the entire group rather than just stare at one girl the whole time.
To get more advanced you can start to think about what different kinds of looks you could use with EC for example giving a woman a funny look is very different than a sexy look but both require strong EC to make happen.
Hope that helps.
JS
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Brainstorming: Ways To Convey Direct Interest
Lately, I've been talking about this idea of expressing direct (Non qualification based) interest in a girl early in the interaction as a way of
A. Defining the pickup for the girl. A lot of the time when you approach a girl especially if you're using an indirect opener the girl is unsure of what the interaction is, by using direct interest early, the girl knows you're interested in her romantically/sexually.
B. Escalating the interaction.
So here's my admittedly incomplete list of ways to express this direct interest in a competent way (as opposed to telling a girl she's hot or has great tits).
1. Why I like you statements. These are compliments that are framed as being the main reason or a main reason for your interest in her.
2. Statements of intent. The grandfather of direct interest. There are some really interesting Old, old, old school (like 2001) posts by a guy named Neo-Rio on ASF about SOIs solid stuff. I've also talked about them extensively on the Seduction Roadmap. SOIs are exactly what they sound like you give the girl a statement of what you are going to try to do.
3. Making plans/Asking her out. This is where normal guys do it right. Asking a girl out early ( as long as you don't get her phone # and leave in 3 mins) is a good way to demonstrate that you want to see her again and you're interested in dating her.
4. Relationship ?s. This is a technique I created after watching Captain Jack. Relationship questions like "Are you the jealous type" serve to frame the interaction in a romantic context. You would never ask a girl if she was he jealous type of girl unless you were considering her for a relationship and thus interest is very subtly expressed.
5. Assuming/Talking about a relationship. When you assume a relationship (even in a jokey role-playing way) you are expressing interest.
So those are 5 ways I came up with sitting around last night.
If you have any others leave them in the comments and I'll re-visit this topic sometime soon.
JS- The King Of Content
A. Defining the pickup for the girl. A lot of the time when you approach a girl especially if you're using an indirect opener the girl is unsure of what the interaction is, by using direct interest early, the girl knows you're interested in her romantically/sexually.
B. Escalating the interaction.
So here's my admittedly incomplete list of ways to express this direct interest in a competent way (as opposed to telling a girl she's hot or has great tits).
1. Why I like you statements. These are compliments that are framed as being the main reason or a main reason for your interest in her.
2. Statements of intent. The grandfather of direct interest. There are some really interesting Old, old, old school (like 2001) posts by a guy named Neo-Rio on ASF about SOIs solid stuff. I've also talked about them extensively on the Seduction Roadmap. SOIs are exactly what they sound like you give the girl a statement of what you are going to try to do.
3. Making plans/Asking her out. This is where normal guys do it right. Asking a girl out early ( as long as you don't get her phone # and leave in 3 mins) is a good way to demonstrate that you want to see her again and you're interested in dating her.
4. Relationship ?s. This is a technique I created after watching Captain Jack. Relationship questions like "Are you the jealous type" serve to frame the interaction in a romantic context. You would never ask a girl if she was he jealous type of girl unless you were considering her for a relationship and thus interest is very subtly expressed.
5. Assuming/Talking about a relationship. When you assume a relationship (even in a jokey role-playing way) you are expressing interest.
So those are 5 ways I came up with sitting around last night.
If you have any others leave them in the comments and I'll re-visit this topic sometime soon.
JS- The King Of Content
Monday, February 20, 2012
Response To A Great Comment
I usually don't pay much attention to the comments on this blog, I skim them to see if it's more of a " How Do I attract girls" overly simplified question that I have 100% answered in a million blog posts/products/talks or if it's more in the vein of the " I hope you die, cause you suck so much I take time out of my day to read your blog." variety.
Either way as Jim Rome used to say More of me and less of your comments makes for a better blog.
But there was an exception a few days ago on my long rambling diatribe about hitting on girls by a commenter named Mike.
Mike actually had a specific question and was able to actually think through the problem himself and present some different ideas about what might be happening (Hint if you want my advice be more specific, rather than asking how to pick up hot girls)
Mike's comment was as follows:
Thanks for the post!
One thing was unclear to me, can someone help me here: what are good and bad responses after you hitting on her = a statement of intent?
my guess is below - please correct / expand:
good reaction:
- her being happy for the statement like smiling
- her testing you (eg 'do you say this to all girls?'
bad reaction:
- trying to brush your statement off ('don't say such silly thing')
- her making effort making conversation non-sexual / business-like (?)
- mentioning her boyfriend?
- ignore? - if she smiles this is not ignore, is it.
- her looking uncomfortable
- her going away / ending conversation
Pretty much right on, but I will add a few things.
When you hit on girls no response is a good response. This is what I call passive acceptance, and it's a major factor in escalation. Most of the time girls will not react to escalation beyond laughing or smiling, so no reaction is a good reaction.
As for the bad responses, you pretty much nailed it, except obviously her ignoring the statement could be a good sign. Everything else is pretty right on.
The truth is it's NOT that hard to figure it out. The reason guys think they have trouble is because they want to ignore reality. They want the dream, that even tho the girl is obviously not interested and giving them a bad reaction that they are somehow just misreading the situation when usually the girl is simply not into you.
Hope that helps Mike and everyone else,
JS- The King Of Content
Either way as Jim Rome used to say More of me and less of your comments makes for a better blog.
But there was an exception a few days ago on my long rambling diatribe about hitting on girls by a commenter named Mike.
Mike actually had a specific question and was able to actually think through the problem himself and present some different ideas about what might be happening (Hint if you want my advice be more specific, rather than asking how to pick up hot girls)
Mike's comment was as follows:
Thanks for the post!
One thing was unclear to me, can someone help me here: what are good and bad responses after you hitting on her = a statement of intent?
my guess is below - please correct / expand:
good reaction:
- her being happy for the statement like smiling
- her testing you (eg 'do you say this to all girls?'
bad reaction:
- trying to brush your statement off ('don't say such silly thing')
- her making effort making conversation non-sexual / business-like (?)
- mentioning her boyfriend?
- ignore? - if she smiles this is not ignore, is it.
- her looking uncomfortable
- her going away / ending conversation
Pretty much right on, but I will add a few things.
When you hit on girls no response is a good response. This is what I call passive acceptance, and it's a major factor in escalation. Most of the time girls will not react to escalation beyond laughing or smiling, so no reaction is a good reaction.
As for the bad responses, you pretty much nailed it, except obviously her ignoring the statement could be a good sign. Everything else is pretty right on.
The truth is it's NOT that hard to figure it out. The reason guys think they have trouble is because they want to ignore reality. They want the dream, that even tho the girl is obviously not interested and giving them a bad reaction that they are somehow just misreading the situation when usually the girl is simply not into you.
Hope that helps Mike and everyone else,
JS- The King Of Content
Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
You're Leading her to a decision Not a yes....
This is one of the key realizations you need to make in order to actually start having success with women.
Your goal is not to lead a girl to a yes, necessarily but rather to lead her to make a decision about whether or not she wants you to hit on her.
If a girl won't let you hit on her or accept it, you're shit out of luck for turning that into anything romantic or sexual.
So the way to think about opening, social comfort, and attraction is that the goal is to lead her to a decision about whether or not she's interested in being hit on before you start to qualify her, as there is no point in trying to qualify a girl who isn't interested in you hitting on her.
How do you do this?
With what I'm tentatively calling direct interest. Direct interest is basically telling the girl you like her without qualifying WHY you like her as you will do in qualification. With direct interest you're tipping your cap and letting her know you like her by hitting on her.
The girl will either accept this or reject it at which point you can either qualify or move on.
JS- The King Of Content
Your goal is not to lead a girl to a yes, necessarily but rather to lead her to make a decision about whether or not she wants you to hit on her.
If a girl won't let you hit on her or accept it, you're shit out of luck for turning that into anything romantic or sexual.
So the way to think about opening, social comfort, and attraction is that the goal is to lead her to a decision about whether or not she's interested in being hit on before you start to qualify her, as there is no point in trying to qualify a girl who isn't interested in you hitting on her.
How do you do this?
With what I'm tentatively calling direct interest. Direct interest is basically telling the girl you like her without qualifying WHY you like her as you will do in qualification. With direct interest you're tipping your cap and letting her know you like her by hitting on her.
The girl will either accept this or reject it at which point you can either qualify or move on.
JS- The King Of Content
Monday, February 13, 2012
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Monday, February 06, 2012
An interesting thought on delivery from Jerry Seinfeld
Hey there,
Hope everyone had a good weekend!
Mine was tarnished sightly by the Pats losing the Super Bowl but not as badly as you might think as I was convinced they would lose going in, so no biggie.
I wanted to share a quick thought on something I heard over the weekend.
There's this awesome new show on HBO called Inside Comedy or something like that hosted by David Steinberg. Their first show was about Don Rickles and Jerry Seinfeld and they had interviews with both which were pretty interesting.
The thing that stood out to me the most was when Seinfeld and Steinberg were talking about new material and how audiences can sniff it out when Seinfeld said he had a piece of material that always killed but he hated it as a joke, and one night he was about to do it but in his head he was debating and he finally decided to do it because it always got a good reaction, but this time it fell flat because even thinking about it falling flat made it so. He went on to say he was sure he delivered it the right way as well.
I thought this was interesting because I've seen the same thing with pieces of pick up material. I don't think it's any sort of "The Secret" type law of attraction BS but I do think that when you hesitate even mentally people pick up on it through microexpressions or body language or something we all tend to give away our true emotions even if we think we're masking it with good delivery.
So that's an interesting thought for the day.
JS
Hope everyone had a good weekend!
Mine was tarnished sightly by the Pats losing the Super Bowl but not as badly as you might think as I was convinced they would lose going in, so no biggie.
I wanted to share a quick thought on something I heard over the weekend.
There's this awesome new show on HBO called Inside Comedy or something like that hosted by David Steinberg. Their first show was about Don Rickles and Jerry Seinfeld and they had interviews with both which were pretty interesting.
The thing that stood out to me the most was when Seinfeld and Steinberg were talking about new material and how audiences can sniff it out when Seinfeld said he had a piece of material that always killed but he hated it as a joke, and one night he was about to do it but in his head he was debating and he finally decided to do it because it always got a good reaction, but this time it fell flat because even thinking about it falling flat made it so. He went on to say he was sure he delivered it the right way as well.
I thought this was interesting because I've seen the same thing with pieces of pick up material. I don't think it's any sort of "The Secret" type law of attraction BS but I do think that when you hesitate even mentally people pick up on it through microexpressions or body language or something we all tend to give away our true emotions even if we think we're masking it with good delivery.
So that's an interesting thought for the day.
JS
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Re-Examining Pick-Up Dogma: Cocky and Funny
Welcome back to the always educational and entertaining re-examining pick-up dogma series, in today's article I want to talk about being cocky and funny.
Unlike most pick up dogma problems, this one has a clear patient x, and his name is David Deangelo(or Eben Pagen or something). David D started talking about being "cocky and funny" to Cliff of the old Cliffs List back in the early 2000s under the name sisonpyh (or hypnosis backwards) after he had been working with Ross Jeffries and they had a falling out (rumors abounded because RJ touched his girlfriend at the time,but who really knows?) sisonpyh appeared and "cocky and funny" was born.
Now to be clear I'm not evaluating the entire "Double Your Dating" methodology (which consista of getting email addresses like a retard) instead I'm focusing strictly on the idea of being "cocky and funny" which is a GREAT idea for attraction.
In fact it's one of the better frames for attraction period.
But there are some problems which I'll outline in a meandering Peter King style list with mismatched numbers and letters.
1. The Application being taught is terrible. C&F is taught as not answering questions, or giving a woman a straight answer, making fun of women instead of teasing them and a host of other terrible applications. C&F is a frame meaning that it governs behavior in an interaction. OVERALL you want to be cocky and funny in the attraction phase by joking about being awesome and making the woman laugh by being funny.
2. Not everyone can be funny. Sorry I had to say it but I keep it 100. Some people are funny, most people aren't. But luckily the funny part can be changed to playful and everyone can be playful. Playful is about being silly, and childish. But most importantly it's about not taking yourself, the woman or the interaction too seriously, you do that while being 'cocky' and you're doing pretty good.
3. Guys overdo it. C&F is good and it can get a great reaction especially early on, which can be a problem. Guys see that 1 c&f line worked well so they figure 50 must work incredibly. WRONG. Think of c&f as a seasoning like salt. Everyone loves salt, but no one would like it if you dumped a can of it on their food. 1 or 2 C&F comments in the first 20 minutes are MORE than enough.
4. Looking evasive. If a girl asks you a question once and you avoid answering it she'll laugh, but she'll also ask again and at some point you start to look evasive and shady because you're not telling her anything about yourself. It also violates the law of reciprocity.
5. David D is a dork. Unfortunately David D was a dork who didn't really get hot chicks (see my post on his wedding, do a search I'm too lazy to link) so he made up a bunch of overly harsh teases that would NEVER work in the real world my favorite being " That's a nice dress, you buy that new?" These are insults. Insulting women NEVER works write that down.
Anyway in conclusion Cocky and Funny is a great frame for attraction but you can't generate and keep attraction strictly by being cocky and funny, nor is it a complete system for attracting or seducing women.
Boom tho.
JS- The King Of Content
Unlike most pick up dogma problems, this one has a clear patient x, and his name is David Deangelo(or Eben Pagen or something). David D started talking about being "cocky and funny" to Cliff of the old Cliffs List back in the early 2000s under the name sisonpyh (or hypnosis backwards) after he had been working with Ross Jeffries and they had a falling out (rumors abounded because RJ touched his girlfriend at the time,but who really knows?) sisonpyh appeared and "cocky and funny" was born.
Now to be clear I'm not evaluating the entire "Double Your Dating" methodology (which consista of getting email addresses like a retard) instead I'm focusing strictly on the idea of being "cocky and funny" which is a GREAT idea for attraction.
In fact it's one of the better frames for attraction period.
But there are some problems which I'll outline in a meandering Peter King style list with mismatched numbers and letters.
1. The Application being taught is terrible. C&F is taught as not answering questions, or giving a woman a straight answer, making fun of women instead of teasing them and a host of other terrible applications. C&F is a frame meaning that it governs behavior in an interaction. OVERALL you want to be cocky and funny in the attraction phase by joking about being awesome and making the woman laugh by being funny.
2. Not everyone can be funny. Sorry I had to say it but I keep it 100. Some people are funny, most people aren't. But luckily the funny part can be changed to playful and everyone can be playful. Playful is about being silly, and childish. But most importantly it's about not taking yourself, the woman or the interaction too seriously, you do that while being 'cocky' and you're doing pretty good.
3. Guys overdo it. C&F is good and it can get a great reaction especially early on, which can be a problem. Guys see that 1 c&f line worked well so they figure 50 must work incredibly. WRONG. Think of c&f as a seasoning like salt. Everyone loves salt, but no one would like it if you dumped a can of it on their food. 1 or 2 C&F comments in the first 20 minutes are MORE than enough.
4. Looking evasive. If a girl asks you a question once and you avoid answering it she'll laugh, but she'll also ask again and at some point you start to look evasive and shady because you're not telling her anything about yourself. It also violates the law of reciprocity.
5. David D is a dork. Unfortunately David D was a dork who didn't really get hot chicks (see my post on his wedding, do a search I'm too lazy to link) so he made up a bunch of overly harsh teases that would NEVER work in the real world my favorite being " That's a nice dress, you buy that new?" These are insults. Insulting women NEVER works write that down.
Anyway in conclusion Cocky and Funny is a great frame for attraction but you can't generate and keep attraction strictly by being cocky and funny, nor is it a complete system for attracting or seducing women.
Boom tho.
JS- The King Of Content
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