Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Re-Visiting Pick-up Dogma Part 1: Being non-reactive

I've been wanting to do a series for awhile, that looked at some of the most commonly expressed ideas in the Secret Underground Internet Seduction Community (SUISC) and held them up to a little bit more examination in 2011 as opposed to 2000-2005 when most of these ideas were espoused.

The first thing I wanted to talk about was the idea of being non-reactive.

The idea of being non-reactive is one of the most discussed ideas in the SUISC. With the majority of the advice advising one to "be non reactive no matter what!", "Imagine what Clint Eastwood would do." and one piece I recently saw even advised simply staring at the girl. It all adds up to a some good information mixed with a bunch of bad metaphors that make it seem like the average guy starting out, needs to aim to be some sort of emotionless robot of pickup.

Which obviously is not correct.

So let's delve a little deeper into what those wacky PUAs are really trying to get across.

First let's start with the name, "being non-reactive" is misleading. You're always going to be having a reaction in a social interaction, even if that reaction is simply to sit there and stare in silence(an option guaranteed to fail 100% of the time BTW). So the goal of "being non-reactive" in it's purest form is to sit there staring like a stone which obviously won't help you get girls.

Instead what you want to strive for is not showing a negative emotional reaction, when you're NERVOUS or things are going badly. The thinking here being that a girl is not a mind reader and if you don't show any signs that you're nervous or think it's going badly, she'll assume you're confident. The essence of "Fake it til you make it".

Here's the second problem, in most situations I read and listened to (and it was a lot Daddy likes research) the advice of "be non-reactive" was being given in situations(real or hypothetical) where an approach was ALREADY going bad. You'll rarely hear someone be told to "be unreactive" when the girl is eating up everything you're doing. This re-affirms my point that the advice of being "non-reactive" is only relevant in situations where things are already not going well.

So instead of saying "be non-reactive" we could say always act like things are normal, especially when it's not going well. Which is much more accurate and easy to understand advice.

My last problem with the idea of being unreactive comes back to the idea that EVERYTHING is a reaction. If we accept that everything is a reaction, then the best gameplan for getting a girl is not to "be unreactive" but instead to have the best possible reaction for the specific girl in the specific situation.

This is because as we all know all girls are different and each one has specific preferences. The more you can tailor your seduction (or personality if you're a sociopath) to her individual preferences, the more successful you will be.

Hopefully that explains why the idea of being "non-reactive" sounds great in theory but in practice falls more than a little short of being good advice.

JS-The King of content


  1. Ablaze11:14 AM

    I agree… Being non-reactive is one of the most prevalent dogmas infecting the SUISC.

    I’ve found that most guys, myself included, that get into this stuff follow this path..

    1) They realize they’re being reactive on an unconscious level in social situations.

    2) They become non-reactive because they were told that’s how they’re supposed to be and they get some positive results, more from the fact that they’re doing something differently rather than the being non-reactive itself.

    3) They learn to be proactive socially. They learn to be the one pushing forward socially and leading.

    4) What I believe is the final level which is pretty much what you’re describing, I call being proactively reactive. Another dogma in the community is that of being observed. That there are observers and the observed and we want to be the observed, according to Mystery… Dare I attempt to one up Mystery and say that I believe there’s another level beyond being observed? That level is to be both the observer and the observed, simultaneously.

    Starting out, this is difficult and it’s much better for guys to focus on the processes and techniques until they are fully internalized, but ultimately we should be pushing ourselves to that difficult to describe threshold of observing while being observed. It’s action combined with awareness. It’s a difficult state of being to hold oneself in, but like everything else it can be practiced and some cool shit can start to happen as a result.

  2. Anonymous5:42 PM

    Totally agree. "Non-reactive" is not the right word, but you hear it thrown around all the time. "Unfazed" is probably a better word.

  3. Anonymous1:12 AM

    I feel some of these pua phrases are outdated and should be replaced by less missleading ones.


    If you want to really be non-reactive. Here is what you do. step 1) approach hot girl. step 2) hold you breath for a really long time. step 3) drop dead.

    I think that about sums up my pick up method and my over all philosophy of life. You can buy my book on Amazon its called "the game" and it is really effective.

    neil shitface aka mutant bold guy with no style, signing out.