Friday, August 26, 2011

An Open Letter To The Millionaire Matchmaker

We all know I love me some reality TV, so I won't go too much into my thoughts on The Millionaire Matchmaker show other than to say that while it's entertaining, there's a lot of bad ideas about dating being tossed around.

The most dangerous of these ideas in my mind is the idea of monogamy before sex.

The reason that no sex without monogamy is a bad idea is actually pretty simple. A girl is ALWAYS going to be more attractive, interesting, sexy, smart etc BEFORE you have sex with her.

The fact that you haven't had her yet, adds to the perceived attraction. This is a fact. So when you force someone into a monogamous relationship before they can have sex, the motivation for getting into that relationship is 50% interest in the girl and 50% interest in getting laid.

Can we see how this might be a bad idea for someone looking to find love?

Furthermore until you've had sex with someone you don't really know the real them. Pre-sex both guys and girls put their best foot forward in an attempt to really get the other person interested. After sex is when a variety of new issues pop up and need to be dealt with. Sure these COULD be dealt with in the context of a monogamous relationship but you may often find that the two people just don't have that much in common but were united by the idea of no sex before monogamy and thus forced to spend more time with each other and less time looking for someone they might actually work out with.

As you all know if you've followed my work for any length of time, barriers INCREASE attraction. The more you tell someone they can't have something, the more they are going to want it. But this idea does not extend to AFTER they've gotten what they want. And my guess is oftentimes these instant relationships fall apart after sex.

Like the case of Access Hollywood Reporter Laura Saltman who after being set up by Patti with a millionaire became preganant only to have the guy abandon her and refuse to pay child support.

You can read all about that Here Just make sure to scroll down past the Russell Armstrong stuff.

Clearly the idea of no sex before monogamy is a way to artificially create more of an attraction and connection between two people where none exists.

What are your thoughts on the MM and no sex before monogamy?



  1. Anonymous11:34 AM

    Dude that show is full of shit advice. like 70% of all the couples never meet for a second date if you noticed this pattern.

  2. Anonymous3:18 PM

    >>Furthermore until you've had sex with someone you don't really know the real them. Pre-sex both guys and girls put their best foot forward in an attempt to really get the other person interested.

    Yes,before that I really see them really good.When I did not girls well,when I just see them dance floor,pool and beach,they look hot but once you get to know them.I feel the same like they are just same like a sister.

    when I know her well and she is really attractive character to me and had no-sex,I can be manipulated by her really easily.I agree with is just beginning before begin everything look beautiful.

  3. The thing here is that this is advice given to women. It is most advantageous for women to get the guy to commit to them before sex.

    For guys it's the other way around.

    Also, I am really starting to dislike your latest strategy of self-promotion. Shoot other people in the dating industry down, while talking about cool you are. It is fucking lame for one and it is a sign of insecurity.

  4. Anonymous11:21 PM

    Thats badass, that calls for the creation of some good framing routines...

  5. Anonymous4:14 AM

    I would have loved to see you in this show, that would have been cool. To see what kind of take you would have on the whole dilemma :) Seems like a quite bad show, made me angry listening about it...

  6. Erik Ablaze6:41 AM

    I've watched a few episodes of that show and that same idea is the one that sticks out to me every time.

    I agree with most of what you've said and I'd like to add that from a straight anatomical standpoint, people need to find out if they're a good "fit" for one another. Yeah, I'm talking about "that" kind of fit. It's important for people to be somewhere in the same ball park as one another to enjoy themselves. Of course, there are exceptions to that, but from my experience, generally speaking, people need to find out if they're sexually compatible.

    There could be certain body odors secreted during sex that turn one another off because different hormones are being released. The list goes on and on.

    I agree, Sinn... Terrible advice from the MM on such a crucial aspect of courtship.

  7. Right! Her teaching is not at all sound. Once a client was interested/liked his date and had a good time but did not ask her out for a second date immediately. She said that she wished that all men would ask a woman out for a second date while still on the first date.
    The way she teaches gives all of the power to the women I think.


  8. Anonymous9:06 PM

    hey Sinn, please feel free to make mm recaps a regular feature!

  9. Anonymous9:18 AM

    your stuff about neil strauss was more interesting. what happened to the war on the game?

  10. Anonymous9:51 PM

    I can't stand how on that show Patti always insists on the millionaire "wining and dining" the date. Yet, if a woman is the millionaire, she still makes the guy "wine and dine her."

    I think the problem with this, is she claims she wants the people to find true romance, yet, having the guys spoil the women from the start sets a bad precedent for the relationship. They get spoiled up front and expect it to be like that ALL the time.

    I understand where she's coming from.
    She wants old fashioned romance to come back into style. Unfortunately, because of the way gender roles have changed so drastically from when old fashioned romance was acceptable, this just isn't feasible anymore.

  11. Anonymous12:13 PM

    The reason why there's no sex before monogamy is due to legal reasons. She would be considered as running an escort service instead of a matchmaking service.