Friday, August 26, 2011
We all know I love me some reality TV, so I won't go too much into my thoughts on The Millionaire Matchmaker show other than to say that while it's entertaining, there's a lot of bad ideas about dating being tossed around.
The most dangerous of these ideas in my mind is the idea of monogamy before sex.
The reason that no sex without monogamy is a bad idea is actually pretty simple. A girl is ALWAYS going to be more attractive, interesting, sexy, smart etc BEFORE you have sex with her.
The fact that you haven't had her yet, adds to the perceived attraction. This is a fact. So when you force someone into a monogamous relationship before they can have sex, the motivation for getting into that relationship is 50% interest in the girl and 50% interest in getting laid.
Can we see how this might be a bad idea for someone looking to find love?
Furthermore until you've had sex with someone you don't really know the real them. Pre-sex both guys and girls put their best foot forward in an attempt to really get the other person interested. After sex is when a variety of new issues pop up and need to be dealt with. Sure these COULD be dealt with in the context of a monogamous relationship but you may often find that the two people just don't have that much in common but were united by the idea of no sex before monogamy and thus forced to spend more time with each other and less time looking for someone they might actually work out with.
As you all know if you've followed my work for any length of time, barriers INCREASE attraction. The more you tell someone they can't have something, the more they are going to want it. But this idea does not extend to AFTER they've gotten what they want. And my guess is oftentimes these instant relationships fall apart after sex.
Like the case of Access Hollywood Reporter Laura Saltman who after being set up by Patti with a millionaire became preganant only to have the guy abandon her and refuse to pay child support.
You can read all about that Here Just make sure to scroll down past the Russell Armstrong stuff.
Clearly the idea of no sex before monogamy is a way to artificially create more of an attraction and connection between two people where none exists.
What are your thoughts on the MM and no sex before monogamy?