Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Right Mindset

People often talk ask me what my mindset is about meeting girls, dating, pick up etc...

So I figured I should write a post about what I believe to be the perfect mindset for getting better at pickup.

Ready for it?

You have to not care, but still do the approaches.

And this is where the difficulty comes in.

Most guys who are reading this care too much. They think that getting a girlfriend or being able to get laid regularly is magically going to fix their lives and make them happy. Or they believe the marketing hype that they can get amazing results with women quickly with no time effort or energy and they care about getting the results they were promised. Or they get competitive or make getting women some sort of measurement of how successful of a guy they are and they have to be better then this guy or get X amount of girls into bed a month.

The point is they(You and me) care about this shit too much.

If you took the average guy off the street and asked him on a 1-100 scale how much he cares about getting laid more than he is right now, the majority of them would say 51% they would prefer to get laid more than they are versus the alternative, but they aren't willing to put the time effort and energy into it.

If you took the average guy who is involved in this stuff they would say 85-90%. Or in other words getting more girls or getting laid is THE most important thing in their lives.

This is a mindset that is going to fail you both in the short term and the long term. In the short term Pickup is hard in the beginning and if it's the most important thing in your life, you're going to be failing at what you consider the most important thing in the world which will make you feel bad. In the long term it makes you either hugely bitter (If you never get success) or feel like your entire life and whole sense of self worth is directly related to whether or not a stranger likes you...

Hopefully the past few paragraphs have illustrated why you shouldn't care so much about this stuff. Take it for what it is one of MANY different ways to meet women. There is no prize for being great at cold approach, nor does anyone other than YOU care about your sex life.

But if you stop caring completely then why even approach? Why not just continue to sit on the couch and waste away?

So how do you reconcile these two ideas into the right mindset?

You care about trying.

That's it.

You only need to care that you are actually making an effort. If you're making an effort and the results aren't coming, you can feel good knowing you did your best. You don't have to be perfect with women or some sort of "master pick up artist" all you have to do is care about trying, do the approaches and not worry about the rest.

JS-The King Of Content


  1. Erik Ablaze10:50 AM

    Sinn, I know you've said that you don't really care who thinks what about you, but I have to give you mad props for two things, anyway... 1) Unlike a lot of so called "coaches" I can tell you truly speak from experience and not your "internal pickup simulator" as you've called it. And 2) You really hold nothing back when you give advice. Your advice is unambiguous and specific. Your advice is real and designed to help, not just create the illusion of being helped.

    Love watching your vids and reading your shit. I hope to take some kind of training with you in the future. Great post!

  2. Anonymous11:49 AM

    There is an old sales axiom that goes something like: The only thing you have 100% control of is your activity. Focus on activity and the sales will come.

    Same basic principle.

  3. Anonymous8:56 AM

    Thank you Jon.It is great advice to the most of guys here."It should not be not the most important thing for you."95% or more high rate of drop out tells you,if you have "pick up is the most important attitude" you can't continue learning process for long,before you start to see results.Only the one who has mental toughness can reach to the result.It applies to anything.

  4. The best mindset advice I ever heard was from that guy Craig, who said "Think of it more like fishing, rather than hunting."

  5. Anonymous5:27 PM

    As a student in your first year of 12M2M, I can say that this may be one of your more insightful posts ever. I do awesome with women and continue to live a better life when I take your lessons and apply them as self help. When I focus on just results, yeah, then that can lead to trouble.

  6. Anonymous12:52 PM

    Again, good solid advice...
    Sinn is the top in this game in my opinion

  7. Anonymous12:02 AM

    Although I think this is good advice, I must say that it is pretty empty for people like me who are still stuck without a girl. That frustration is not so easily undermined.

    It is like telling a starving man that McD's ain't all that.

  8. Excellent Sinn, keep it up

  9. I learned this from Tyler Durden years ago. It also makes you feel a lot better about yourself even if you don't pickup with you are out in the field trying your best.

  10. Tattoo6:50 PM

    great post man!but one question...WHERES THE WAR ON THE GAME??????its monday,are u out of material or dirt on neil?


    The revelation of jon is very much enlightening.

    Thou shalt not make picking up woman thy main priority.Thou shalt make thou lifestyle overfloweth with joy.