Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The last 5 and a half weeks Part 2-Cairns

So late Sunday night after a stuffing of duck with some students and Moxie, we head to the airport. Again Australian airports are ridiculously easy to get through. We met a dude who was backpacking around from Germany and he ended up staying at the same hostel we stayed at most of the week.

On the flight, I was dying. Way too much MSG in the duck, I was sick and just wanted to sleep. I hadn't gotten more than about 3 hours sleep since I arrived. Plus the night before because the girl stayed over, I got none... So I was in some kinda food related coma when we finally arrived. The guy we were going to be inspecting property with was there to pick us up even though it was well after midnight. We drove for almost 45 minutes to get to the resort we were going to be staying at. On the way I saw the biggest snake I'd ever seen crossing the road. Moxie told me that being Australian means that snakes and other deadly shit don't really freak you out. I'm freaked out by snakes, cause they're freaky.

The resort was really nice and we stayed there for two days before we headed into the city to stay at a hostel and hang out in the backpacker scene. Backpacker scenes generally have a more relaxed vibe and most of the gaming happens during the day. If you're going out to work cold approach, the backpacking scene is not the best place to go. People meet in the common areas like the pool, cafeteria or eating areas and lounges, then go out together and end up hooking up.

We decide to get a meal and are on our way to a 6 dollar steak at PJ O'Briens or something of that elk, when we decide to stop by a Greek place and check out the menu. We decide on the feast. It was delicious, I actually did not have a bad meal the entire time I was in Australia. One of the bright spots to the trip for sure.

During dinner Moxie suggested a drinking contest. Now those of you who are regular readers of these pages know my tolerance for alcohol. Moxie's tolerance for alcohol is fairly low. Some would say he's a bitch about his shit alcohol wise... Not that I ever would :) So we decide to start drinking in one of the 3-5 bars everyone goes to in Cairns(Also can't pronounce that) and the drinking begins... I start us off with two Vodka/Diet Cokes and two shots of Jager. Moxie followed this up by asking the bartender to make us two of the most delicious shots she can think of. This girl was clearly a man-hater, because she made us four shots of Green Chartruse,Goldschlager,and Tobasco sauce. Add that to the two Vodka/Diet Coke chasers and Moxie was ready to head down for the count This was also around the time that we started talking to some Swedish girls and smoking hand rolled cigarettes they kept making...

The drinking continued from this point through the Wool Shed, and the bar at our hostel until we were finally drunk enough to try to find some weed from a shady street rat. We head back to the main drag where we encounter a scene that is half drunk people looking for Kebabs and half mating ground as EVERYONE is hitting on EVERYONE. Moxie can't speak at this point and can barely move but wants me to tell him the contest was a tie because he kept pace to 17 drinks. I reluctantly agree. Back out on the street I see an obvious Lesbian hitting on a straight girl. One of my best friends is a lesbian and I can just tell... She also looks like a shady street rat. I walk up and ask her if she knows where there's a shady park I can buy weed. She asks me if this is my girlfriend then realizes that she might be able to make money off me. She asks me if I'll give her $20 if she finds weed for us. I say I will, so she starts leading us to a cab. We drive for like $30 and 20 minutes. She keeps asking me to give her money so she can run in and get the weed. I have been fooled by that ruse before though so I stick to my bottom line " No weed, no money." Finally we pull up at this super sketchy house that has weeds as tall as lawn gnomes. She again asks me for money. I tell her I'll walk up with her. Moxie is passed out in the back so I handed the cab driver $50 and told him to wait for me with Moxie. We get out of the cab...

Now this was already a weird scene and it got weirder as the guy took awhile to answer the door. Shirtless. The guy looked like a chubbier white Australian version of Bob Marley. That's right he had dreadlocks. What he didn't have... Marijuana. The girl tries to beg him but he's seriously out. And that's when I decide it's time for her to be voted off the island. She's asking if anyone he know has weed and he says no and I start walking toward the cab. I get there before she's even started down the driveway. She sees me getting in and comes frantically running after us. But it's too late... I told the driver to drive and away we speed. I had specifically asked the street rat if she could for sure get weed, as I didn't want to go on a wild goose chase. She repeatedly said she could. To drunk Jon that added up to deserving to get left, that plus her general bad attitude and attempts at extortion...

Now even though we weren't high we were now hungry. One of the horrible things about Australia and the world outside of America in general, is the dearth of diners. In any state in the US you will always be able to find a 24 hour diner. It may be a chain like Denny's or Ihop, but it will be there. Ready to serve as an oasis on your drunken exploits. They're even open on holidays! But outside the US after a certain time, you're settling for Mcdonald's or the non union Australian equivalent of Burger King-Hungry Jack's. I'd like to know how someone goes from the king to a jack, but if it gets rid of those creepy King commercials, I'm down. So we have the cabbie drive us to Mcdonald's where we spend way too much on horrible food we spilled all over the Hostel room... Fun night.

The next few days in Cairns were fairly uneventful. We went white water rafting on the Barron river and hit on girls at night. After awhile in backpacker towns you start to feel like you know everyone especially around the hostel and you decide it's time to move on, so on that Thursday we boarded a plane for Brisbane to get to our main purpose of this trip- The Marketing Seminar with Sweater.

Til next post,



  1. Anonymous3:52 PM

    hahah nice write up mate! fun times so far!

    dude please tell me you met up with alex from rsd in brisbane. this guy is the shit and i'm so curious what you think about him after meeting.

  2. sinn, from what I understand this is the story behind burger king/hungry jack. Mcdonalds set up business in australia first. when they did, they also trademarked the name "burger king" under australian law. thus, when burger king wanted to start doing business in aus, the company had to pick another name. thus hungry jack.

  3. Hey man, Merry Christmas and happy holidays! I hope you're doing well and I'm looking forward to Sinn in 2009!

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