Friday, March 25, 2011

#s and Pick-Up

It's Friday!

That means for most of you it's time to put down the engineering or omputer programming work and head out for your 2 nights of fun a week!

I applaud that, but before you go out, I want to talk to you briefly about something I sued to be obsessed with.

Numbers related to pickup.

It used to be I had to do a certain amount of approaches a week to feel normal, and while that's a big step in the right direction for a beginner, once you've crossed over into the realm of being a guy who can and does approach, you need to start leeting go of the arbitrary numbers you use to track your progress.

Now it's confession time, for me the number of approaches was never really a big deal. I like approaching, and don't think it's a big deal. In fact I'd almost go so far as to say that cold approach is one of my favorite ways of socializing.

My issue with #s and P/U was always related to lays. In fact for the last 4 years if I had less than 4 new lays a month (excluding when I was in a relationship with Kristen) I would feel like something was wrong with my game. Even worse, as the month got closer to the end, I would become obsessed about moving the number forward. It wasn't even so much about the new girl as it was about the statistic and about re-affirming to myself that I was good at pick-up, attractive, cool... whatever.

And that's where the problem with #s lies, because no matter what, the number will NEVER be enough. In my own personal development, I thought I would be happy once I slept with 100 girls then it was 200 and so on.

The truth is, that when it comes to dating, there are no #s that change the way you feel. They don't change how you feel about yourself, they don't change your level of confidence with women, and they don't change how you feel about yourself.

A lot of the time, students come to me and they want to date around before they settle down, because and I quote " I feel like If I had slept with more girls I'll be better in a relationship."

This is a slippery slope fallacy if ever I've seen one.

The skills needed to sleep with a lot of girls are NOT the skills needed to keep a woman happy in a relationship.

So students who have made this kind of argument to themselves in their minds need to look at why they REALLY want to sleep with a lot of girls.

What are the FEELINGS you are trying to capture, and why do you think a certain number will make you feel that way.

Also a good idea to ask yourself if you can get that feeling through anything else that isn't related to getting validation from women.

Hope that helps,

JS-The King Of Content

4 comments:

  1. A very wise post..though some people won't realise this themselves until they have done the journey, and come out the other side.

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  2. Anonymous4:55 PM

    well right now my biggest focus is turning my 0 into a 1 lol

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  3. Sinn, I have a question ... why are pickup artists often so focused on the number of notches on their bedpost? I think that many men simply care about getting a quality woman (that they really want) to want them. Do you have to sleep with a lot of women to get her?

    I used to see a lot of pickup artists advocating going out and sarging constantly etc. I don't see it as much anymore. I understand this as advice for beginners to get acclimated to just meeting women. I would call it "getting in the game". But what if you are not a beginner, and you just want to meet a quality woman? I don't think the same approach that is geared for beginners to get some nice scripted interactions under their belt is the best one for guys with experience to just get the girl of their dreams. I don't think most stuff from those methods is actually the best stuff at all, for that.

    What do you think?

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  4. Anonymous2:38 AM

    I have a gap between friends's perception about me and the way I feel myself.They think I am womanizer and can bring girls to their party or boat.But in real,I am a shy guy.I am ok with initial attractions but it fade away.If I did not f-close same day.I just end up with friends.

    when I invest to that girl,she has already becom my friend.First day kiss and make out.And it last about three months but now friend hug and kiss on cheek.

    I should not invest myself until f close.First week is important,if nothing happen,she is just a friend.

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