Monday, November 12, 2012

"Fools Mate" The Most Low Self Esteem Idea EVER

 I was reading through some psych research this week, and in reading about people with co-dependent personalities I found some really interesting ideas that could be applied to both students who enter the community and the guys who have been teaching for quite some time like me :)

One thing that co-dependent people tend to have, is a need for relations with the opposite sex to be difficult. You can delve into the deep attachment and love style issues that cause this problem but if you don't want to read 1731 pages of Helen Fisher I recommend you take my word for it.

If you start with the idea that co-dependent people need relationships to be more difficult in order to re-create relationships with parents (Distant fathers for girls, smothering mothers for boys usually though it can be vice versa) then look at any of the 7-12 step formulas for getting laid (Which I used to embarrassingly buy into and teach as well so my bad) things start to make a lot of sense.

For instance the idea of fool's mate which Mystery and many other guys (including me, I'm no better I just finally figured out I didn't know what I thought I knew) have taught or used to justify why someone who wasn't them (usually a student or good looking guy) had quick success.

Fool's mate is the idea of just lucking into a girl who happens to be into you and getting laid almost despite your "game."  But this doesn't make sense if you put it up to any logic. How can getting laid quicker be worse than taking 7 hours? How can you luck into getting laid one time, while another time it was all skill? and most importantly: Why is it a bad thing that a girl just liked you and sex just happened?

Is it so hard to believe that a girl could just want to have sex with you?

It is if you're living in extreme levels of low self esteem, and self loathing.

But that's not a healthy way to look at the world or yourself, and I trust me I know.

So what's the solution?

Challenging yourself to look at the world as objectively as possible. It's bad to believe that no woman wants you and that she's clearly a naive and foolish girl if she sleeps with you quickly. It's also bad to flip the other way and start to believe that you are amazing with women no matter what their reactions tell you. We all have a way to success with women. Is it always going to be with those playmate looking 10s? No, not for everyone but everyone can find women they are extremely attracted to who will like them for them.

And that's not a fool's mate.

JS- The King Of Content


  1. As far as I understood, the danger of fool's mate (as it were) is that if you are fortunate enough to come across a girl who initially does like you for you, that because you have not been in the game long enough to internalise masculine and alpha behaviours, your inner beta and general inexperience will eventually cause you to lose her, placing you back at square one - except having just wasted 6 months.

    1. Anonymous4:10 PM

      ^ this is right on the money

  2. Anonymous6:34 PM

    ^ no, the original thinkin was that if you slept with her too quickly she'd feel a sense of remorse or shame because of all her societal programming (feel like a slut) and therefore feel uncomfortable about it and not want to see you again. Probably because you didnt spend the time to qualify and build enough comfort. I see fools mate similar to a one night stand vs a same night lay, the latter you see her again.

  3. Anonymous1:28 AM

    i think that is a great post, the idea of solid game is ridiculous, i know good looking guys who make a ton of so called mistakes and fuck a new girl every weekend, i myself am not ugly and despite technically weak game have prob slept with more woman then most, sure you can improve your game with some tactics, clothing, stereotyping etc, but anyway bravo sinn, great post !

  4. Anonymous9:05 AM

    Jon, great post. The whole "fools mate" thing was invented by guys as an excuse to substaniate their game theories. Its an ego excuse. Its pretty evident. If a guy like Mystery who games not stop were to not do well in the field a say a club and then see's another guy who just says walks up and talks to a chick and they get along vs the non-succesful Mystery, "fools mate" is a projection of why this guy was able to pick up a chick vs Mystery not doing well. He says "well if game does not work, then it has to be pure luck or happenstance - thus fools mate" - Its self denial and an excuse.

  5. Anonymous7:09 AM

    sinn fucked my grandma last night

    sinnh you grandma fucker