Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Breaking the Cycle

Virginia Satir once said that the most basic human instinct is not toward survival, but towards the familiar. IOW the thing that we are most likely to do, has nothing to do with survival or replication, but with what we are most comfortable doing.

People are constantly repeating the same patterns in their lives. Everyone knows the girl who consistently compains about how she always dates assholes, only to complain about how the new guy she likes is an asshole... We all see people who are self sabotagers and always get really close to what they want only to find some way to trip themselve up. The reason is that it's more comfortable for them to stay doing what they have always done.

To whole heartedly dedicate yourself to something and fail measn that we have to examine and deal with ourselves as failures. Most people are not strong enough to do this. Fear of failure is only one side of the coin when it comes to self sabotage, the other side is fear of success. The fear of actually getting what you want and having to de-identify yourself as a guy who is unsuccessful. It takes away from what Joseph Campbell describes as your hero's journey. Most people are too attached to their current situation, they have become integrated with their relaity and the idea that they could become what they actually want means that they have to kill their attachments to their ideas of WHO they are. They are more comfortable with the idea of struggling then they are with actually becoming successful and having to stop complaining about their lack of success. Becaue if you were to become successful, that would upset the delicate balance of your life. If you were to become as successful with woman as YOU want to be not some random guy on the internet, you, your life would change. If you wanted a bunch of ONS then you are going to sleep a lot less... If you want a GF your time on the weekends will stop being your own and you will half to integrate a new person into your life. Etc... So it can be easier for guys to just struggle and subconsciously sabotage themselves.

Some ways I see guys sabotage themselves in field. Ejecting, not # closing every set they have been in for over 25 mins, not trying to move the girl around the venue, not trying to make out with every set, not calling your #s and trying to do dates, not pushing to get girls back to your place, not trying to qualify, not hitting on the girl, not going back into sets that were no-gos.... Etc...

One of the most important things that you can do when it comes to self development is to determine what YOUR specific negative patterns are, and start breaking them. If you don't go out every night, and you don't have the sex life you want then you need to start going out. Make an agreement with yourself that you will go out EVERY night until you have the sex life you want. Now going out doesn't necessarily mean that you are sarging every night, it could mean that you make the choice to go on a day2 instead of staying home and sleeping or you set up a date off the internet. But the MAJOR idea is that you need to try something different.

One of my favorite comedies of the last couple of years was " The 40 Year Old Virgin" and one the best game related quotes I have ever heard in a movie comes when Andy is talking about how talking to girls in the bar doesn't feel right. And jay says something like " What feels right hasn't been working. It's time to try some wrong."

Sometimes what is right for us and brings us closer to what we actuallty want will feel wrong and uncomfortable, but we have to push through that in faith that what we are doing is bringing us closer to where we ultimately want to be.

Once you make the decision that SOMETHING has to change in your life, break the cycle you are currently in by taking massive action.

S

13 comments:

  1. Absofuckinlutley!

    I feel inspired =)

    -m

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  2. Anonymous3:46 PM

    Respect.

    -JS

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  3. Syntax.4:47 PM

    This is something that every PUA should remember no matter what level you're on. Even if you are really, really good and have an endless supply of sex and women, there is still the possibility of making it better. Change up your routines (if you use them) from time to time. Tell stories in a different way. Approach HOTTER women. Try a different venue. Millions of variables to keep it fresh, interesting, and challenging.

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  4. Anonymous5:35 PM

    Awesome stuff Sinn.

    There is a quote I'd like to share with you:

    "Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are." - August W. Hare (1792-1834) British cleric

    Absolutely - admit that you have failed. Because that's the first step toward becoming better.

    Be who you are, and then become better!

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  5. im writing the quote down, ty for them knowledge sinn

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  6. Hey Sinn great blog. You can feel the field speaking through you so to speak. Work on your grammar and layout (=readability) and you will make it spectacular.

    Can you write an entry or two about fashion, style and clothing?
    Including both the principles behind, the attitude towards it, (the innergame of it so to speak), and some practical advice like most common mistakes, what to look for, (the outergame so to speak).
    Also an advice or two about long term developing an eye and style would be great.

    Cheers

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  7. great post sinn. and it applies to me. thank you for making it that much more apparent.

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  8. Anonymous5:08 AM

    Really fantastic post. Well done and well written. It definitely speaks to me. Fucking awesome!

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  9. Anonymous10:07 AM

    Agree with the above. This is the simplest thing and the hardest at the same time. Easy to understand and hard to implement. Kudos, Sinn, on putting it so succinctly. I think "Massive Action" is my new catch phrase.

    -Chuco

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  10. Casimir11:08 AM

    Awesome.

    You mentioned making out. Do you really recommend making out with every set? I find this drops me into the club makeout guy frame and kills day2s etc.

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  11. damn, your posts are becoming deeper and deeper...
    i love your recent writings on inner game, they are inspiring and at the same time very motivating.
    you, sinn, are the living proof that this whole thing isn't about blowing up your ego by sleeping with a couple of women, but to truly redefine yourself, become a better human being and live a truly fulfilling life that every single one of us deserves.
    if everyone would have insights to your thoughts, the whole image of the community would be much more positive.

    keep the good stuff coming!

    -Spectacle

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  12. Sting9:49 AM

    Sinn -
    I'm a great believer in the fundamentals of S & R theory.

    "repeating whats familiar" and "surviving" are in essence the same thing.
    what you've always done has, at the very least, kept you alive - and thats the core of Survival theory. NOT achieving your goals.
    so its the same thing.

    agree with everything else. Virginia Satir probably knew one or two things more than the creator of S & R theory...

    cheers,
    Sting

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  13. "Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways."

    - Samuel McChord Crothers

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