Highs and lows are normal..

I had a really shitty day yesterday... I was hung over after failing to pull a bartender who had already told Shaft AKA DD aka I don't know to leave because she would take me home, then she got so drunk she fell down and I bailed seeing a cockblock or drunk driving death in my future if I stayed...

It took me 3 hours to get out of bed due to reading, and general malaise...

Then it took me another 3 hours to get to the gym including a trip to my burrito place, and some episodes of scrubs as I took care of months old email...

Then I debated between going out or staying in. I ALWAYS feel guilty when I don't go out, It's a unique part of my pathoogy that makes me better because i go out and practice, but it would be nice to have a compulsion for going out.

At around 9 I am tired, feeling anti-social and want to read comic books, so I decide against going out and stay in.

It was just what I needed as I woke up early (for me) and got a couple of things done today. Now I'm waiting for my car to get towed to a tire shop so i can get the blown out tire fixed...

I have to remind myself that it's not normal to be ecstatic every day and that there will be some days I'm depressed. it's how I cope with those days that ultimately lets me know if I've actually changed or if I'm juyst good at pretending.

Yesterday and today make me feel like I have actually changed and that's exciting.

S

Some Thoughts on a Tuesday...

I wake up to the war zone of my apt after CJ and I came home last night from a rushed night of game.... I had gone straight to the club after getting off a flight from Chi. Which I had gotten on straight from my day game course.

I realized yesterday that I need to commit to doing the approaches on SUPER hot girls. Lately I've been being really lazy and only taking the easiest sets. So even when I'm getting massive results, even when I'm getting hot girls, I'm still not giving the full effort and I'm still trying to retain my internal sense of cool.

One of the things I realized yesterday, is that the very act of approaching, is not always a cool action. It can be, but most of the time it is going to start out as a RANDOM, somewhat weird thing and there is nothing you can do but barrel through the initial weirdness and push things. Because you never know what the end resut is going to be.

It's funny, because when I had less social intuition I did FAR more approaches. The reason being that I didn't realize it was weird, and now that I have added a ton of social intuition and skill, I also start to see the inherent strangeness of approaching groups with really high barriers to entry. I know it will probably work, but because I've been having SOO much success lately, I am not willing to put in the work.

CJ and I have proven to ourselves that we can pull ALMOST every night, that we can rack up huge amounts of lays in small time frames,and we can get hot girls. What we've lost is the hunger and the edge that used to drive us. The lack of motivation that used to be there to prove something to the world, to other guys and to the girls who rejected us in the past. The drive was very much to get away from pain, rather than moving toward pleasure.

In In terms of a strategy, getting really mad at yourself, and the world and having something to prove is great! Michael Jordan talks about how he created challenges to himself, he took perceived slights to be much bigger than they were. However, once you've started to heal the inner wounds and your subconscious mind starts to realize that you CAN do this, you start to lose motivation as you don't feel the burning need to prove "Those " people wrong. So then you need to find a new way to motivate yourself, and that's where we are now...

Not sure how much sense all of this is making, but it's an interesting head space to be in right now.

S