Breaking the Cycle

Virginia Satir once said that the most basic human instinct is not toward survival, but towards the familiar. IOW the thing that we are most likely to do, has nothing to do with survival or replication, but with what we are most comfortable doing.

People are constantly repeating the same patterns in their lives. Everyone knows the girl who consistently compains about how she always dates assholes, only to complain about how the new guy she likes is an asshole... We all see people who are self sabotagers and always get really close to what they want only to find some way to trip themselve up. The reason is that it's more comfortable for them to stay doing what they have always done.

To whole heartedly dedicate yourself to something and fail measn that we have to examine and deal with ourselves as failures. Most people are not strong enough to do this. Fear of failure is only one side of the coin when it comes to self sabotage, the other side is fear of success. The fear of actually getting what you want and having to de-identify yourself as a guy who is unsuccessful. It takes away from what Joseph Campbell describes as your hero's journey. Most people are too attached to their current situation, they have become integrated with their relaity and the idea that they could become what they actually want means that they have to kill their attachments to their ideas of WHO they are. They are more comfortable with the idea of struggling then they are with actually becoming successful and having to stop complaining about their lack of success. Becaue if you were to become successful, that would upset the delicate balance of your life. If you were to become as successful with woman as YOU want to be not some random guy on the internet, you, your life would change. If you wanted a bunch of ONS then you are going to sleep a lot less... If you want a GF your time on the weekends will stop being your own and you will half to integrate a new person into your life. Etc... So it can be easier for guys to just struggle and subconsciously sabotage themselves.

Some ways I see guys sabotage themselves in field. Ejecting, not # closing every set they have been in for over 25 mins, not trying to move the girl around the venue, not trying to make out with every set, not calling your #s and trying to do dates, not pushing to get girls back to your place, not trying to qualify, not hitting on the girl, not going back into sets that were no-gos.... Etc...

One of the most important things that you can do when it comes to self development is to determine what YOUR specific negative patterns are, and start breaking them. If you don't go out every night, and you don't have the sex life you want then you need to start going out. Make an agreement with yourself that you will go out EVERY night until you have the sex life you want. Now going out doesn't necessarily mean that you are sarging every night, it could mean that you make the choice to go on a day2 instead of staying home and sleeping or you set up a date off the internet. But the MAJOR idea is that you need to try something different.

One of my favorite comedies of the last couple of years was " The 40 Year Old Virgin" and one the best game related quotes I have ever heard in a movie comes when Andy is talking about how talking to girls in the bar doesn't feel right. And jay says something like " What feels right hasn't been working. It's time to try some wrong."

Sometimes what is right for us and brings us closer to what we actuallty want will feel wrong and uncomfortable, but we have to push through that in faith that what we are doing is bringing us closer to where we ultimately want to be.

Once you make the decision that SOMETHING has to change in your life, break the cycle you are currently in by taking massive action.

S