The Real Housewives Of New York Power Rankings: Week 5

Ok since I'm clearly obsessed with all things Housewives, and since I already talk about them for 2 of the 5 minutes I'm on stage every week, I've decided that they needed a power ranking much like UFC fighters and Boxers. We need to know who the pound for pound champions of the Real Housewives franchise are each and every week, so for the next 7 weeks of the RHONY madness, I will be ranking the women each week in terms of what they brought to the episode and the season as a whole.

Quick Recap: Thus far Bethenny and Jill Zarin (Whose full name must always be used) have been in a knock down drag out fight with Jill Zarin leading BIG on the scorecards. Luann, formerly the countess is looking to rebuild her life and become Jill Zarin's new BFF. Kelly is just an idiot, and thought she was posing for the 4oth anniversary issue of Playboy even though that issue was shot in 1992. Ramona is genuinely crazy, and renewing herself after he abusive father died,and Alex lives in Brooklyn.

Let's get into the rankings:

This week's # 1 is no surprise as she's near and dear to my heart, and can be expected to stay near the top of the rankings based on one liners alone.

1. Bethenny. Whether or not she's a media whore, Bethenny claims the top spot easily as this last episode featured her getting rejected by her dying father, and being told she has " No friends, and will probably screw things up with Jason(her now husband then BF)" by Ramona, then getting the door to friendship slammed shut by Jill Zarin. Bethenny actually showed some real emotion for once and didn't just joke and insult her way through everything. For once, you kinda almost felt bad for her. Which is the last thing I want to feel for a woman I Identify with in a big way! I want the spunky fighter Bethenny back next episode.

2. Jill Zarin. How could anyone else be here? Jill can really hold a grudge. Watching her reminded me of the way I am when people cross lines with me. It looks mean on TV, but there are some people that are cancerous personalities and need to be excised from your life as soon as possible. I don't think Bethenny is like that, but I obviously don't know her, or what was really happening. One thing we learned in last week's episode, much like Rick James; Jill Zarin is cold as ice...

3. The RamonaCoaster. I must admit Ramona is growing on me more and more, the crazy eyes, the COMPLETE lack of any sort of social filter, the nonstop pitching of her HSN line. I genuinely enjoy every second she or Mario her husband are on screen, and their blogs are AWESOME! Ramona slams Bethenny with things I wouldn't say to my worst enemy, BUT then realizes that B is actually coming to her looking for comfort and does the MOST shocking thing possible, by actually apologizing and then trying to comfort Bethenny. First time on any of the Real Housewives shows ( And I've now caught up on Jersey so I can officially say I watch them all. Which makes me Bravo's entire straight male viewership) I've seen anyone handle a situation like an adult. Bravo Ramona. Ramona will make it hard for Jill Zarin to hold onto that second spot.

4. Alex Mccord. Alex gets the 4th spot, kind of by default, I think Alex would be a great therapist. Every time I watch her with Bethenny or any of the women she makes a sincere effort to actually listen and empathize. And she seems smart. Not much went on with her this week, except Jill Zarin came by to spend time with her kids, and Alex urged her to reach out to Bethenny, which obviously Jill Zarin did not.

5. Kelly Bensimon. Kelly is REALLY an idiot. I have no idea how she graduated from Cornell or holds down a job writing as clearly she is not all there. In this episode we get to watch her try to chase people down on the street for a "fashion column" at which point she runs into a famous photographer and announces again that she was married to Giles Bensimon who she calls the greatest photographer in the universe. Kelly exists only for us to laugh at in this show, and I feel like the entire world is one big joke at her expense...

6. Luann. Luann drags up the rear for ruining any chance of a reconciliation between Bethenny and Jill Zarin, by interrupting, and then ending the meeting, by lying about a car waiting for them. Luann sucks... The countess thing is old and boring like her face. She's soo insecure about the way she looks, and her relationships with everyone. The most telling thing during the entire Jill Zarin/Bethenny drama was when Luann wondered why Bethenny didn't say hello to her at Ramona's. As I said before Luann sucks and you can expect her to dwell in the basement of the power rankings all season.

JS