Weekly Mailbag # 1

This email came from Blog reader MMAPUA

Yo sinn,

I don't know if you actually read this but anyway.

During your interview at pick-up podcast you talked about your reaction to negative people.
well I've got the same thing, basically I can't stand them.
but the question is should you leave them or try to help them become more possitive?
you being a person that says he loves teaches I assume you do the latter.

another thing you mentioned was that some time ago you got your personal validation from picking up women.
and now you get it from teaching other guys how to pick up women, basically.
but why is teaching more fulfilling than picking up women?
maybe this is something strictly related to you and not general for all guys per se.
but I'm just wondering could it be that having sex is just that much of a primary need that it won't be enough fulfilment for anybody?

it would be cool if you let me know your thoughts on this.


peace,

MMA PUA



My answer:

Well MMA,

I always try to help people through their negativity. But I'm human and have limits to my patience. I tried with one friend for over a year and when I finally told him all the things I saw him doing, he got mad at me, called me a "dick" for saying these things to him and we stopped talking. The point being you can't help someone change when they don't WANT to change. That's one of the reasons I am not accepting all the offers for one on ones that are coming in or even bootcamps. I don't want to work with everyone. I only want to work with people who are willing to go as far as they can to get the changes they want in their lives. No tourists or guys wanting a fantasy camp. Thanks :)

As for the old fulfillment through sex question, sex is not by itself going to make you happier. But the ability to always have women in your life can do wonders. I personally remember the feeling of not being able to get ANY girls interested in me. It really felt almost like I was invisible and remains one of the worst things I've ever felt. But I never have to worry about that again. Which is nice. And is something that EVERY guy out there can have. I was talking to Zuzu on the way back from the airport after my flight was canceled. I was explaining to him how I set up my date to be the same every time. He thought it was brilliant, but it was just more elaboration on something I had taught him in bootcamp a year ago. I teach everything I did to get good. Most guys just don't follow it . If you follow a successful game plan and take the right actions at the right time without making excuses, success is almost guaranteed.

You asked why teaching is more fulfilling than picking up girls, and I think it relates to the idea of giving back. Call it adding value or anything else, but the idea that helping others and adding value to their lives is all that matters really resonates with me. I've been to the other side, where everything is just about yourself and how much sex you can have and brag to the internet about, and while fun it left me in a bad place. It may just be coincidence, but the more I try to help others the better my life keeps getting..

The last thing you asked related to sex being too much of a primary need to be fufilling to anyone. I think the idea of looking to get fulfilment anywhere but internally is fundamentally flawed. As my great friend TD once wrote men are responsible for generating their own emotional state. Fulfilment is a part of that. Your source of fulfilment needs to be related to your values, ideas, and personal code of conduct. I think David Deida said in The Way of the Superior Man that if you want the purpose of your life to be bangin as man chicks as possible, fine just be upfront with yourself. I think that just sex can be validating especially when it's with a particularly beautiful and interesting woman... and the it is the one thing we HAVE to do to keep our species around so there's that too:)
But it will never be enough validation, the same way that nothing will be enough validation until you come to a place where you have an inner peace about the world and your place in it. True fulfilment comes from recognizing the inherent impermanence of life and discovering that we are all we ever need and more.That sounded disturbingly new age-y so I think we'll end on that note.

If you guys have any questions don't hesitate to send them to Sinnstravel at Gmail.com. I'll pick the email of the week and answer it on here or in a video.


Thanks to MMA PUA and Best,

S