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Lesson # 11
Living in alignment with your values

One of the big buzz words in the pick up community, is congruence. A lot has been made or written about what congruence is or isn’t. Mystery would define congruence as what you say and how you say it lining up. His solution to becoming congruent is to practice your routines over and over until you have perfected the delivery of your lines and thus (hopefully) the attitude behind it.

I define congruence a little bit differently. To me congruence is the act of living in alignment with your values. To be congruent, one must have a 100% belief in what they are doing, saying, thinking and want to come of the interaction. Congruence, comes down to belief. The person that believes themselves more is more congruent and people will fall in line with the person who is most congruent.

You can fake congruence, but in order to actually become congruent, you nee to discover your core values. Most of us live not by our own core values, but by a set of values that have been passed on, or picked up from our parents, friends, society or a base of referential experience. Thus we are forced to be congruent with a set of values that we have not picked out for ourselves. When you figure out your core values and live in alignment with them, you instantly become congruent as you believe in and value what you are doing.


It’s time to start discovering our core value.

Exercise:

Answer the following questions:

1. What is one thing you need in order to feel like life is worth living?







2. How do you know you have that in your life?






3. What does having that in your life enable you to feel?




That feeling is your core value. Everything you do in your life should be about moving toward this core value and away from anything that can stop you from feeling this value.



Exercise:

Now I want you to list 10 qualities that you want in your life. They can be anything that you think would make you happy. I do want to stipulate that you should stick to feelings instead of possessions or accomplishments.

For example here is my list:
1. Passion
2. Learning
3. Freedom
4. Honesty
5. Authenticity
6. Happiness
7. Bravery
8. Acceptance
9. Creativity
10.Individuality

Now that you have made your list, I want you to spend some time comparing and contrasting the values. Then rank them in the order of importance to you. Make sure that you compare all of them so that you know if you would rather have Passion or Honesty. Really think about this, as you will be using these for the next exercise.

Exercise:

Print/write out two more copies. Place one in your wallet so that you can carry it around with you at all times. Then place another one on your bathroom mirror so that you can see it first thing in the morning.
Finally get a small notebook and pen. For the next seven days you are going to write down every situation where you violate your core values. No matter how small. If for example, you value bravery but you are too scared to approach a woman on the street because of what people may think, write it down. At the end of the week tally up how many times you violated your core values. Do this again the next week and consciously try to violate your values ten percent less of the time. So if you violated your values 30 times the first week, aim for 27 the next, etc…