Surrender...

I've been doing a lot of reading on inner psychology and spirituality recently and I have noticed something that has reduced my approach anxiety like 90%.

The idea is that of surrendering to the moment.

I never really bought into the idea that approach anxiety and LMR are hardwired, my thinking behind this is two-fold through experience rather than theorizing.

1. After you have done three or so approaches in a night the AA is gone. I have also met guys like Debonair Dave who don't have approach anxiety.

2. I have had a lot of lays upwards of 20 with no LMR within an hour or 2... So how can this hard wired thinking pattern be turned off this many times?

So I've been actively looking at the reasons behind both of these created phenomenas...

Back to surrendering... to me approach anxiety has alwasy felt like a fight between wanting to get the girl and wanting to avoid embarassment(that was a couple years ago) or avoid having to do a lot of work. So there were clearly two conflicting drives.

So in reading The Power of Now Eckhart Tolle talks about letting go of both the past and the future and focusing purely on the present. This piece of advice in of of itself reduced my approach anxiety, because if you truly do let go of past thinking, it doesn't allow you to think about past failures, or your lack of success with women or reasons from before not to approach the set, because that is not occuring here and now. Here and now you have nothing. In a bar or club or on the street.. or wherever you ay want to do an approach you only have the present. Nothing else matters. Her reaction is in the future, so there is no reason to worry about that either. When you go in the field you need to be hyper focues on the present. Don't think follow the strongest desire you have.

If you are reading this, then the strongest desire you have is to meet and fuck new women. Don't be ashamed of this desire. It's the only desire that keeps us as a species surviving. A lot of guys hide their desires,( A quick caveat obviously you don't approach a girl and ask her if she wants to fuck that's not showing you're desires, it's just showing your lack of social intuition) But what I mean is don't hide your desires internally. It is a vital step in becoming a man to come to grips with the dark sides of your desires. Mainly your desires to fuck, kill, and dominate. These are natural human emotions that have shaped the world, in a way they are the only desires that actually matter.

The second part of my technique is to surrender to your desires. Stop fighting them... Accept that you feel Approach Anxiety at the same time you feel the desire to approach, stop trying to feel more confident or stronger, or more prepared, and start focusing on what you WANT to do right now. In this moment when you see that girl, what do you most want to do... That won't land you in jail.

All that in fighting in your mind that clutter has NOTHING to do with reality. The present is all you have and as was said in Fight Club " This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time". You can't do anything to change the past and the way to changing the future will occur in the present.


So after you have come to the realization that the present is all we have, and surrender the fight amongst your emotions, you gain the power to approach almost without fear.

The final step to AA reduction in my mind is to let go of your outcome, this falls in line with the other areas of thinking in terms of any outcome occuring in the future and thus being completely unimportant at the time...

Tony Robbins calls acting in the moment getting out of your head into your heart. I think it's more about gaining an element of control over yourself and not letting thinking or "the mind" to get in the way of action. Actions are what produce results not thinking. Thinking without acting has never produced anything. Even philosophy lead to the action of writing which is what produced the records of these thoughts.

So how do you actually start on the road to getting out of your head and acting?

The first step is to become aware of what you are feeling at any given moment. Reducing the amount of white noise in your head by sutting off the deductive thought process and focusing on body sensations. What do you feel right now from your head to your toes? Feel that and then slowly start taking assesment of your mood.

When you can start to identify your mood through feeling, rather than thinking, you are on your way to being fully present in the moment which allows you to act without filtering.

S