Attention And Commitment to The Conversation > Opening

 Lately I have realized more and more that guys focus on the WRONG things when it comes to starting conversations with women.

Namely they focus on what they are going to say rather than getting a woman's complete attention.

"Opening" as it was defined is about starting a conversation but it doesn't really do you any good to start a conversation with a woman who is only half paying attention to you.

This is especially true during the day time as often women are not sure you're talking to them unless you make it explicitly clear by asking for her full attention.

One of the reasons guys are soooo into direct game is because of the side effect to a direct approach that you engage a woman's full attention. There's nothing inherently special about direct but it does force you to fully commit to getting a woman's attention and as such some guys feel they do way better because of it.

Correlation not causation at it's finest.

So you know you need to get a woman's attention, but every guy reading this has had the experience of getting a woman's attention saying one or two things and then having the girl turn back to her friends, her cellphone or her shopping.

The reason for this is because attention is only one half of successfully getting a conversation started. The other half is getting the woman committed to the conversation. You have to get her to actually engage in the conversation quickly or you're just going to get good at opening.

Sometimes this happens easily and women are quick to joke or play back. Other times you have to actually ask the woman to commit a few minutes to talking either through an isolation attempt in a group or simply asking her if she has 5 mins to talk at the bookstore.

Your opener doesn't matter half as much as these two things and the sooner you stop focusin on what you're going to say and start focusing on how you're going to get her attention and commitment the better your game will become.

JS- The King Of Content

Dating For Minority Men Part 2:

This article is now available on my new site.

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Guest Article: Pick-up For Minority Men

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Not Accepting Rudeness

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Seduce Her Secrets: Guest Blog By Carlos Xuma

How To Seduce Her Secrets...

Women have a lot of secrets. Her life is like her purse - stuffed full of secrets, and getting bigger every year.

The problem is that when you meet a woman, you don't know what any of them are. And after you know her for a little while, she eventually lets a few slip. But don't you wish you could have found them out earlier?

Like the time she blew that guy out on the dance floor...

Or that time she was married for a weekend when she was in Vegas...

Or that football team gang-bang she had...?
(Hmmm... hopefully not)

It would save you a whole bunch of frustration if you could just find a way to get her to reveal some of these deep dark secrets at the get-go. Right at the very start.

Not to mention that if you get a woman to reveal dark secrets about herself, you make it easier to take her home and sleep with her.

Well, what I'm going to do today is teach you a technique that I found to get women to tell their deepest, darkest, most F'd-up secrets right away. Just remember, though: If you go down this path, you're going to learn more about the nasty side of women than you may want to know...

Don't say I didn't warn you!

The good side effect of this technique is that it will also show you how to seduce a woman, because once a woman has opened up and revealed herself to you, she's yours for the taking.

So now I'm going to show you how to seduce a woman into telling you her secrets...

Technique 1: Get her to tell you a childhood secret.

This is where it all begins. By getting her to invest a little with you by telling you this, she's going to start opening up more to you.

Start small. I usually ask her: "So I bet you were a real 'nice girl' when you were growing up. I bet you never got into trouble."

Then she's going to smile and laugh, and say something like, "Yeah, right!"

Then you challenge her again, and tell her: "Oh, really? What, like you made a prank phone call? I don't know... Tell me what you did that was so 'bad.'"

That will push her into revealing something about herself to you.


Technique 2: Get her to tell you about her wildest night out with her girlfriends - and something wild that one of her FRIENDS did.

This one is the "gateway drug" for a woman that gets her to let down her guard and really open up.

You see, when a woman is out with her friends, she does things that she might not normally do. Not freaky in a sexual way, but just wild because her girlfriend's behavior gets her to act more like the group than herself. It's the mob mentality.

What you're doing is getting her to start thinking about those wild times, even if she doesn't tell you about all of them. In fact, she will probably hold back on 90% of the crazy shit she did on those wild nights.

But what's easier for her to reveal is something one of her friends did on one of those crazy nights. Hey, it's not HER, after all, and it's easier to talk about someone else's wild times.

The key to this step is - don't be judgmental! Don't make any comments that make it seem like you're judging her friend negatively, or against that kind of behavior. Tell her that's all cool, and you wish you'd been there to see it yourself.


Technique 3: Reveal a dark secret of your own.

This is really key.

A woman has a radar that tells her when she's "clicking" with someone. And one of the biggest parts of that is when she senses that she's getting as much from you as she's giving. This enables a sense of connection from her.

So what you have to do is to think ahead and plan out what you will give up as your sacrificial lamb - your dirty secret.

What I usually tell women about is the time I was playing with my cute cousin, when we were just getting to be around 5 or 6 years old. We were pretending we were a married couple and we would go off to work, and kiss each other goodbye. Hey, we didn't know any better, we were just kids. But it was kinda wrong, but still fun at the same time.

Now most women like that story because they've encountered some guy that they would like to have had but couldn't because of some taboo (typically he was married.)

I suggest the story be absolutely true, because B.S. won't work here. She'll figure it out in a heartbeat, and you'll actually hurt yourself in the trust area.

You have to have a lot of detail in your story, too. That will make it more convincing, and it will draw her in like bees to honey.


Technique 4: Get her to reveal her "dark little secret."

After you've told her your story, this is the perfect time to spring this on her.

You see, there's this little psychological principle called the "reciprocity" rule. It means that if you do something for someone, they feel compelled to do something for you to return the favor. To not do anything would leave an outstanding debt on them that they don't want. (This is also why most people refuse the most basic of favors from you - especially strangers. You can't do nice things for people because they'll feel indebted to you.)

But this works for you because now she will want to reveal something to you to "pay back" this debt of trust.

The key here is to make sure she's really giving you a good "dark secret" in exchange. Some women come up with some really lame stuff, like they shoplifted a pack of gum. If she does this, you can't accept it. You have to call her on it by saying, "Oh, now come on... I gave you something really good there, and that's the best you can come up with? You must be some kind of innocent girl that's never even kissed a guy before."

You tease her into going further and telling you more.


Now you see what we've done here?

We've moved her along the trust line from mild disclosure (small secrets) to the big mo-fos (DARK secrets.)

Oh, something really important here: If she does finally tell you something dark, you do NOT make fun of her. She went out on a limb by revealing this to you, so you need to make sure you don't violate her trust by making her feel like a fool for doing that. When she's done, buy her a drink to reward her. Then do what you did before for her friend and express nothing but approval.

Then take her home and bang her the rest of the night... Because now she'll want to act consistently with this new "bad girl" image you've helped her create.

It works. For the guys that use it...

Oh, and if you want more info on how to seduce women, you probably already know that the way into her bed is through knowing what to say to women.

I've got a great video on that for you here:
CLICK HERE for The Secrets Of How To Talk To Women (link to http://www.carlosxuma.com/how-to-talk-to-women/ )


Stay Alpha...

- Carlos Xuma

Continuing the car drama..

 So I didn't have a car for 2 weeks and then after getting my car back last Thursday it's back in the shop with the exact same problem...

So because of that updates have been... erratic.

But I should be updating more soon, after I get done throwing things against the wall and yelling :)

JS

It Gets Better (Approaching That Is)

 Yesterday I had a weird day of game.

  I was out and about doing some approaches and it was not going well...

 I was getting a ton of girls who just wouldn't engage or contribute beyond one word answers and one girl who even answered her phone while I was talking to her.

I even tried to slum a lil bit by hitting on a goth girl at whole foods which should have been an easy # close and I couldn't even make this work.

In all it was probably 4 horrible approaches in my first 4 attempts.

To top it all off I was really tired and didn't really want to be out and about talking to chicks.

But I kept going and my next approach went great with a really hot girl and then I got another # after that followed by two more.

One of the things this reminded me was that the first few approaches often suck both as an experience and in terms of results. I talk about warm up sets a lot but in my own personal life, I still expect to hit home runs in my first approach of the day. It'd be really cool if I was the kind of guy who could be always "on" (and sometimes I am) but for the most part my approaches(and most of you reading this) are going to get markedly better around the 4th, 5th and 6th approach. Because by that time you're warmed up, you've exposed yourself to some social feedback and hopefully you've made some adjustments to your body language, eye contact etc...

So when going out don't get discouraged if your first few approaches don't go anywhere, it happens. But it also doesn't mean that you won't be able to get better in approaches 4,5 and 6.

JS- The King Of Content

Having an Identity That Hooks

 Hey there,

 Today I want to talk about something I've been thinking about for awhile.

 In order to get better results with women, you're going to need a comprehensive identity that hooks a woman's attention and causes her to interact with you more based strictly on your identity.

Now this doesn't mean that you need to go back to 2005 and start telling women you are a "superstar daredevil illusionist." or pretending to be someone you're not. Instead you need to tailor your presentation towards keeping a woman's attention.

When women meet men, they are trying to stereotype that guy in order to figure out how interested they are in a guy. Furthermore you want to be someone who can be easily described to her friends, mom, etc in one word.

Women will often interact with men they are not attracted to or interested in because they have an identity that has hooked their attention. I came to this idea when I watched a C level reality star in a bar with a bunch of girls who kept saying they not only weren't attracted to him but thought he was kinda lame. Yet they kept talking to and interacting with the guy and eventually he left with one of those girls.

You want an identity that will keep the woman's attention without you having to do it with social skills which lowers your value and lowers the women's interest in you.

This probably sounds more complicated than it actually is.

Most guys don't actually think about the way they present themselves to women. They choose a model for picking up chicks, a few routines that are supposed to keep a woman's attention and think that should be enough. Worse still because different companies have different presentation styles (RSD is drunk fratboy game, Brent teaches rich guy game, Mystery teaches intrigue/faux celebrity game etc...) guys tend to mix and match different routines and ideas from guys with VERY different presentation styles which leads to guys coming off extremely incongruent and getting bad results with women.

So you want to think about your identity on the whole when it comes to meeting women.

To do this you need to ask yourself a few questions:

What kind of guy am I?

Now not every guy can be high value, or a frat boy type or a C list reality star. But every guy can have some identity that is attractive to women whether it's "psychic" guy (an early Mystery Identity) or  yoga teacher guy, or even music guy. Whatever it is you need to have a one word description of what kind of guy you are and how you're going to present that.

Then ask yourself

Is it congruent?

Just because you want to be that cool club guy, doesn't mean you can actually pull it off. You have to be realistic here or you WILL NEVER GET RESULTS.

Lastly ask yourself

How can I get this into the conversation quickly and make sure that the woman is hooked by my identity first before I try to actually get her attracted.


Once you're able to establish an identity that hooks a woman's attention, you'll find that your interactions go much smoother and easier and you get less flaking and distrust from women overall.

JS- The King Of Content

Cars Suck...

 My car is back in the shop today.

 For longtime blog readers, this is not the M3 I had from 2007-2011. This is another different car that also ends up in the shop a lot.

 It's interesting timing because I want to begin the process of selling this car and getting something that is

 A: More reliable. This car has been better than the M3 but still in the shop way too much and the repairs are way more expensive than I'd like them to be.

 B: Gets better gas mileage. I seriously get like 200 miles to a tank and I drive kind of a lot now.

 So hopefully my warranty covers the stuff that's wrong with my car today and I get it back quickly so that I can sell it and get something new that will almost invariably be an issue as well.

JS

3 years or 2 thousand approaches; How to know when to give up

 Recently I have had some phone calls and emails from guys who have been into pick-up for a long, long, long time without actually getting results.

One guy I spoke to had been doing pick up for close to 5 years and was still having problems getting laid. Another guy had done over 2,000 approaches and only had 2-3 lays.

Which brings me to a very important point. When it comes to getting better at pick-up there is a learning curve. For me it took 6 months of doing approaches every day for me to get my first lay BUT and this is a big Kardashian sized BUT after that I started getting laid by at least 1 new girl a month.

When you get your first success there should be a breakthrough where things start to get easier. If not after your first success fairly soon after that.

Now the guy who had been doing stuff for 5 years had never had any coaching and perhaps that was the reason he wasn't getting results as oftentimes a coach can fix some of the issues, but the bigger issue is this:

If after 5 years of practice you still aren't good at something, it might be time to admit that this just isn't for you.

Hell 5 years is too long in my opinion, I've watched other guys both online and in real life grind and put in the effort only to never get better. I hate to be big king dream squasher (Ok that's not true I love it so much it makes have to change my pants) but some of you don't have what it takes to get good at this.

That doesn't mean you cant get a little bit better, it just means that at a certain point if you're not getting better and actually getting success with women, then you need to give up the dream of ever being a player and rolling in the clubs with 10s on each arm and start to look at what's realistic for you which is probably a girlfriend of roughly equal attractiveness.

So I'm now officially laying out my guide for when to quit pick-up. It's actually quite simple.

If you have

A: Been into pick up for over a year without taking any action. If you've been reading stuff for that long you're probably never going to take action so you might as well stop torturing yourself by reading about other people's exploits.

B. If you've been doing approaches for over 2 years and haven't gotten any success. We'll define any success as less than 3 lays.

C. You've done more than 2,000 cold approaches and have less than 3 lays.

So there you have it a guide to giving up so you can move on to something else that might work for you.

JS

Don't Eat Wings On A Date and other common sense dating tips

This article is now available on my new site.

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Going Out Solo Report is Here!

 Hey,

 So finally after a long, long delay the Going Out Solo report is available absolutely free(Don't say I never gave you anything)!!!!

You can get it at: http://www.sinnsofattraction.com/soloreport.html

Download it and let me know what you think in the comments.

JS
 

Still Waiting On The Going Out Solo Report

 Hey,

 I know I said that we'd have the going out solo report today but we're still trying to figure out a way that we can deliver it to you without it costing too much $$, so stay tuned.

Also for once I actually was kinda busy today so I didn't have time to come up with a blog topic. My bad. You are all going to get refunds of the 0.00 we charge you for this blog.

Talk soon.

JS

Direct openers are like an amplifier...

 Here's a new short thought I've had recently while approaching girls directly during the day time.

 Direct Openers are like an amplifier meaning that whatever reactions you normally get from women 
are going to be magnified and made more intense.

This can be good if it goes well, girls who like you, will be more into you because you approached them directly.

However the opposite is true as well, if a girl would have given you a polite response with a non direct opener, she will probably just thank you and walk off or blow you out because the response gets amplified as well.

So if you think you're going to get a good reaction from that girl direct is he way to go, however if you think it might be rough going then you may want to start off indirectly and switch over once you've gotten some positive signs on the approach.

Word.

JS- The King Of Content

 

New Good First Text

This article is now available on my new site.

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Efficiency VS Effectiveness

 Hey there,

Here's a thought I had yesterday while doing some day game...

When it comes to pickup, you should focus on efficiency as opposed to trying to do the 100% perfect approach.

Here's why, there are a lot of things that can go wrong in a pickup that you won't find out about until you do the approach.

For example, you can approach as the girl is just about to walk away, you can approach a girl who has a wedding ring on, you can approach a girl who barely speaks English, etc...

So because there are all of these things that can go wrong that you can't realistically predict you want to focus on being as efficient as possible so that if these things come up in the midst of the pickup you haven't wasted time, effort or energy analyzing or waiting for the right time to approach.

Instead it's better to just jump into the approach and be willing to leave it if there's some inherent problem you find after the fact.

JS

Free Report Topic Winner is...

 Hey there,

 So it looks like the overwhelming winner for the topic of the free report is:

 Going out solo.

 So I'm going to take a few days to put together a really cool report on going out solo (Something I did 3-5 times a week for years and years) then I'll have that for you sometime next week absolutely free of charge.

Thanks to everyone who voted or left comments.

Best,

JS

Pickup and The Placebo Effect

 Hey there,

The placebo effect happens when in experiments a group of people are given a sugar pill but told that it will help them with anxiety, depression, etc...

 Amazingly the vast majority of people who take the placebo improve despite the fact that the medicine didn't really do anything.

You can read more about that here: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=placebo-effect-a-cure-in-the-mind

The placebo effect also plays a huge role in pickup and dating advice.

If you believe that what you are doing is going to work, you're chances increase exponentially.

In fact in lots of cases (like students getting laid on workshop) just feeling like they "know what to do" will lead to success.

Now this is not to say that there is no value in pick up advice. Clearly some things like knowing how to tease a girl, keep the conversation going, escalate, are important. But I would venture to guess that the overall boost of confidence from first discovering this stuff is more powerful than all the techniques combined.

Therefore the question about game shifts from, what is the most effective technique, to how can I feel like I know the most effective technique in order to engage the placebo effect.

Food for thought

JS- The King Of Content

PS. Only 2 more days to vote for the report!

Message For Hot Girls: Stop Talking About How Much You get Hit On!

 I have had some weird approaches this week!

 But the one enduring theme is that a lot of girls have told me how much they get hit on in LA.

 Like a lot...

And honestly talking about how much you get hit on is really lame, because:

A. I get that you're hot, otherwise I wouldn't have approached you. Clearly I understand that other guys find you attractive as well.

B. Of all people I know how much guys hit on girls, it's cool. I actually support it.

C. Stop pretending it wasn't flattering, I have enough female friends to know that even if the guy was creepy you were flattered he pulled his car over to talk to you and it made you feel prettier.

D. By complaining about guys hitting on you, and furthermore calling nice guys creepy just because the approached you, you're continuing to support the idea that men shouldn't approach women and that's it's something to be ashamed when it's not. You're also not helping to encourage the guys you may be interested in to approach you.

E. It's just lame. It's like bragging about how much money you have or how many people you know. In the end you're only making yourself look more insecure.

That is all.

JS- The King Of Content

P.S be sure to keep voting in the report survey. 

Free Report Update

 Yo yo,

 So the finalists for the Free Report Topic are:

 Drumroll please...

 1. Going Out Solo
 2. Physical Escalation
 3. Getting/Staying In State
 4. Specific types of girls (Hipsters, asian girls, shy girls etc...)

 There are also 2 different and unique ways you can vote.

 # 1 you can leave a comment as always and I'll have one of our team members go through and tally those.

 BUT and it's a big but, if you look to the side bar you'll notice there is a poll there on this very subject so you can and should also leave a comment there.

I'm going to leave the poll up a week so be sure to vote before next Wed, June 6th.

We'll be back to regular blog updates Fri but I may mention this again Monday just to make sure you vote.

 JS